In an interesting turn today, I saw the second dead body I’d ever seen in my life today. In an odd twist, in both instances where I’ve seen a dead body, I’ve never seen their faces. I think this is probably a good thing, you know, baby steps. The first time I say nothing but a sheet over the body, and this time I saw a foot. I really didn’t care to look long enough to notice anything particular about the foot, though I am fairly certain this person was dead. You don’t often see someone wheeling another person around with a sheet over them.
I suppose I am in somewhat of a state of shock that I work somewhere that people die. Apparently this week was a busy week for deaths, what with the snow I suppose. I’m not terribly bothered when I see these people. I figured I would be rather upset at seeing a dead body. I suppose the time will come eventually when I see a body not covered by a sheet, but rather uncovered in all its emptiness. When my grandparents died I chose not to see the open caskets. This was so I would remember them as they were. I also figured I would probably pass out at having seen a dead body. I think I would want to go to a viewing now if one of my relatives passed away, just to face the discomfort. I suppose it’s also easier to see someone dead that you don’t know covered in a sheet because A) I don’t have to look at any sort of gruesome facial expression, and B) I don’t know them so I don’t really have an attatchment to them. I still feel something when I see the bodies though. It’s not disgust or discomfort…I suppose it’s a bit of aprehension mixed with a feeling of solitude. It’s not really particularly good or bad, it’s just a feeling…knowing that a life has been lost.
What a tricky fish death is. I see a dead person and for a moment I take the time to consider myself lucky to be alive…then I move on and continue my work.
I also had to pick up my paycheque near the emergency entrance today. I felt bizarre asking for my money so close to where tragedy sits. Better that they pay people to stock products though!
I feel really odd when I end up in an elevator with a patient on a bed. “So….you look pretty sick..uhh….are you going to be okay?” There’s really also nowhere to look in the elevators either, so I usually just wiggle my toes in my shoes and try to see if I can see them moving in my shoes. I really hated elevators before I started this job, now I don’t even notice them. Why did I hate the ever-popular elevator so much? Most of the time I spent on elevators (which really wasn’t all that much) it felt like my brain juices were being sloshed around in my head every time the elevator took off or stopped. The moment when the elevator starts and stops are my two most hated moments in life. Now I ride elevators around 40 times a day! Mind you, this particular hospital has less brain-juice-sloshing effects than other elevators, though I believe one of the service elevators is haunted. This damn elevator goes from the 4th floor, to the 5th floor, back to the 4th, and finally the 3rd (where I actually need to be) opening its doors at every stop, and sometimes cancelling my button push. There is also a particularly loud wind howling noise on the 8th floor that used to cause me great discomfort but now only reminds me of a spooky movie or an old western.
I had a dream once i was stuck in an elevator that broke in the shaft and fell to the ground. I don’t suppose any of these elevators are likely to do this, but I still think about what it would be like if one fell. This is pretty much impossible, but I couldn’t IMAGINE if that did happen. I mean, would your body be floating in the middle of the elevator until it hit the ground? You’d essentially be falling to the ground INSIDE of a tiny, heavy room. YIKES!
Nonetheless I continue my duties around the hospital.