Archive for April, 2008

Memes and more memes

Got this meme of Amanda’s blog, and I needed to use up my last 15 min at work! Here goes!

1. What were you doing 5 years ago today?

I am pretty sure I was dating a total tool. He farted once after a really nice kiss and pretended like it didn’t even happen. Then I found out that he liked to “love himself” in the shower with a dildo…anyhow, that relationship didn’t last very long. Especially when I saw by accident that he kept the dildo in a velvet bag (kind of like a Crown Royal bag….eeeewwww)

2. Name 5 snacks that you love:

  • Chocolate
  • Potato Chips
  • Kittens
  • Ice Cream
  • Cereal

3. What are 5 things on your ‘To-Do’ list for today/ Or things you’ve already done today:

  • Figure out what the hell an imaging unit was for this huge printer at work, and then try and re-order it from Xerox
  • Eat a lot of bubblegum because Dubble Bubble only lasts well for maybe 5 min tops
  • Upload some funny screen captures from my day to flickr
  • Order flowers for a client’s birthday
  • Go grocery shopping! FOOOOOOOOOOD!

4. Name 5 things I would do if I won five million dollars:

  • Pay off my debt, and Steve’s debt
  • Buy real estate in Vancouver, and then maybe some in someplace cheap right now, like Arizona!
  • Buy an eco-friendly car…you know, as far as eco-friendly cars can really be…
  • Give my family some money, including starting a college fund for my niece
  • Get a maid!

5. Name 5 bad habits you have:

  • Eating when I’m bored
  • Chewing on my thumb cuticles! Grrr.
  • Leaving laundry on the bathroom floor, then coming home to see that the dogs have peed on it.
  • Never finishing a beverage. For some reason I always leave just a little bit left.
  • I find it hard to wake up. I am not a morning person until I actually am up and out of bed!

6. Name 5 places you’ve lived:

  • Calgary, AB
  • Banff, AB
  • Creston, BC
  • Vancouver, BC
  • That’s it!

7. Name 5 jobs you’ve had:

  • Cherry picker in Creston, BC. I am not even joking.
  • Supervisor at Starbucks Coffee
  • Marketing and Communications Assistant for Big Brothers Big Sisters
  • Supply Attendant for a Hospital
  • Donor Relations Officer for the YWCA

Street Beef!

Someone keeps writing the words, “Street Beef!” in the elevator at work.
I don’t like beef, nor do I like my beef of the ‘street’ variety.
I wonder what’s up with this?
Don’t you just think of the worst visual???  Like beef being stepped on?  And trust me, this is not a really clean area for “street beef.”
Maybe I’ll just write “beef curtains” in there and call it a day!

The Ups and Downs of Elevators

Up until a few years ago,  I sort of hated taking elevators.  I usually didn’t have the need to, so when I actually had to get on one, I would notice the movement of the elevator in a really overly-sensitive way.  Once I started working at a hospital though, my body just got used to the idea of constantly getting on and off elevators with no trouble.  I think I used to feel like I could feel my brain juices slosh around in my head when the elevator moved, but let’s get real here, I don’t have exceptionally sloshy brain liquids, so it probably was just ‘all in my head.’

Now I take elevators all the time, at work and at home.  I am on elevators at least 6 times a day, and you know what I’ve noticed?  I lot of people don’t know common elevator courtesy.
Take this situation from this morning.  I hopped on the elevator down at work so I could go buy a birthday card for a co-worker.  I get on and the elevator is empty.  Now I must tell you that the elevator at work is really tempermental.  There are only 8 floors, but it takes a ridiculously long time for the elevator to reach ANY floor.  Plus?  When it hits either the top or bottom floor the entire elevator resets and you have to hit the button another 40 effing times to get it to come to you again.  I guess it’s because I’m working in a landmark building, and the elevator hasn’t been upgraded, oh….EVER?
Anyhow, I get on the elevator and  get to the bottom floor to leave, when the door opens and this random dude pretty much POURS himself into the elevator, and pushes right past me to get in.  Now, any normal, sane person would wait maybe to see if someone was getting OFF the elevator before they smash themselves into the elevator?  No?  That’s just me?  Because this happens at least once a day to me.  Someone is waiting on the other end and is just ITCHING to crash their way onto the elevator before I can even get off.  And not only does this chump shove past me as I am trying to exit, he steps on my foot!  And the worst part of this is that I am wearing white hosiery, so now I have this effing black FOOTPRINT on my foot.  I get this little, “eh, sorry…” and I’m just thinking, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  THE ELEVATOR CAN’T GO ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET OFF ANYHOW!!! DID YOU HAVE TO STEP ALL OVER ME?!  REALLY?!”  Don’t even get my started.  I just stand there, looking at my foot like, “Is this what the world is coming to?  People are in such a rush that they are actually walking all over each other to get somewhere?”  Well, pretty much.  So now I’m at my desk with a footprint on my foot, and many expletives in my head.
If I were in the hood and he had scuffed my Puma, you don’t even want to KNOW what I would have done.  What a diss.

Oi, my Brain!

Brain, you are hurting me today.  I didn’t take my cypro in the morning and big surprise, i am feeling really weird now.  This stuff isn’t making me want to rip my eyes out when I forget to take it, like Effexor was, so I’m thinking all in all, I am doing pretty good.
As for how I feel, i am going to have to say that I feel like my brain has been replaced with cotton balls.  Or maybe bowling balls.  I’m feeling very fuzzy, and I can really feel the inside of my own head aching.  Maybe it’s aching for medication?  I can tell you I am!  I should really keep a “spare” pill or two at work so that this doesn’t happen, but I’ve forgotten this pill once or twice before work and I’ve actually made it through the day with little to no effect.
I think it’s maybe that I haven’t had a substantial meal yet today.  So far it’s been granola bars a-plenty, and some carrot/orange juice.  That’s not cutting it.  Oh I can see my lunch now…delicious, delicious curry.  Oh my God I am getting near that hunger where you just want to absolutely DIE.  “I can’t even make it to the food court!  I am so sick with the hunger!  It’s like I’ve never eaten before!”
It’s like I am watching myself work from a little room inside my eyeballs.  It’s like I am a tiny version of myself trying to get this giant robot to work.  Sort of like that alien in MIB.  Remember that?  It’s like I am yelling in my own head, “Work!  Damn you, work!!!”  But I need an oil change or something.
Oh wouldn’t it be easier if my brain chemistry was just “average?”  Sigh.
Can I also say that while I was vacuuming this weekend, Zelda took a giant dump in the dog bed!  Um, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, ZELDA?!  I know you don’t like the vacuume, but all dogs hate vacuumes, so you really don’t need to show my your distaste by shitting the bed.  Plus, I don’t even know how you did it, because I WAS IN THE ROOM and it usually takes about 24 full revolution turns in the dog pan before you will even think of pooping.  Covert pooping is something I have never seen in my house.  That dog bed has been washed more times than my oldest underpants!  Somehow this particular Saturday vacuume was SO offensive that she actually had a bowel movement.  I don’t see how it was any more offensive than the usual 15 minute doggy hair cleanup.  Maybe she was hoping to save all that dog hair and make a vest?

A Leisurely Sunday

As with most Sundays, I am sitting with the pugs, checking out all that the internet has to offer.  A few minutes ago, I end up looking at a tank for sale on amazon, which, um, who are these people buying tanks on amazon???

Anyhow, if you’ll just take a moment to look at what ELSE these people are buying, I think you’ll be quite intrigued…

Dear pretty much all at-home wax kits

You kill me.  I attempted three different kinds of you, and managed to make my poor armpits BLEED, and guess what?  You didn’t take any effing hair off of my pits.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WALK AROUND WITH HAIRY ARMPITS?!  Agh.

Maybe I should get a proffessional in here to deal with my pits.  I really thought I could just take care of it myself, because there’s only like ten hairs per pit, but no!  I bleed, I try many kits, and the hair remains!  Oh trusty razor, you will never let me down.

I attempted the legs as well, and that went OKAY.  Not great, but okay.  Maybe waxing my own body isn’t my thing?

Also, one of the dogs peed ON THE COUCH.  AGAIN.  What the shit, dogs?!  Looks like I might have to get a scat mat or something.  I bought them some new toys, including a new busy buddy, but no!  They peed on the sofa a little bit when Steve and I went to Costco on an over-sized adventure.  Which, by the way?  Costco is amazing.

Hmmmm, just sayin…

So, just in case you think I’m wearing hooker skirts, I wanted to clarify and show you that this was the dress I was wearing (above).  Yes, this isn’t me, but I bought this dress off etsy and it pretty much fits exactly the same on me as it does on this chick.  Anyhow, I am now in turmoil because I’m wondering if my next purchase should be a size larger???  This is the other one I’m gonna get:

Oh to be a girl with fashion problems.  I think if I buy a large (which, hi I’m only a size 4-6 so uhhh????), that it might look like a sack on me?

Plus, I don’t want to flash a panty shot at anyone, especially when it gets nicer out and I actually go out without a knee length jacket….


Dresses: helping me flash my junk at people since last summer.

Life sometimes hands you little surprises.  Like right now I am drinking hot chocolate that I made at the office (Cadbury, OMG), and it’s been sitting for a little while, but I take a sip anyway.  Then I get a nice mouthfull of the skin that has settled on the top of the drink.  It’s slimy, and it’s sort of rubbery, and it tastes like a gelatenous little layer of not-quite pudding in my mouth.  Nature, why do you make disgusting skins on soups and beverages?!  Soup skin I don’t find to be too bad, but drink skin is sick.  It has the makeup that’s too close to REAL skin.  What the hell do you DO with the skin, too?  Do I skim it off and throw it out?  It’s all sloppy and wet, and the damn skin usually breaks apart before I can get all of it off.  Do I just try and stir it back into the drink?  No.  The skin doesn’t melt back into the drink, it just chunks up my drink.  If I wanted chunky chunks I’d eat a cookie, or maybe some chunky peanut butter.  You know what, I wouldn’t eat chunky peanut butter because I hate chunky peanut butter!  I hate chunks where I feel there should be none!  Boo to chunks!
Also, I’m wearing more skirts at work and i’ve come to discover that when you walk 20 min to get to work, sometimes when you take your jacket off your whole VAG is just like “out there” because your skirt has risen up.  Ladies, check your junk in the elevator!  Pull those skirts down.  I was THISCLOSE to flashing some underpants this morning, but thank the sweet Gods that I remembered, “hey, this dress is a little tight on the hips, maybe I ought to just take a look at my “situation” and BAM, my skirt is maybe a good 2″ higher than anyone would deem “work appropriate” because at this point I can feel that my ass is pretty much half showing, but thank the GODS again I still have my jacket MOSTLY on.
Being a chick is hard!  You’re always checking to make sure your vag and boobs aren’t showing.  I guess if I’d just stick to pants I really wouldn’t have this problem, but as I’ve come to realize over the past year, a dress is pretty much a whole outfit done for you.  There’s no messing with what pants match what top, it’s just like SHAZAM you are dressed just by lifting the garment over your head.  You really can’t beat that.  It’s almost like a moo moo, but you won’t end up on Springer finding out that your husband is actually a bisexual female that likes horses a little too much.  Man, I could write slogans for clothing.  Pshhhhhht.

The Smell of a Pug in the Spring

I like the way you folks think. I am thinking that Winsotn and Zelda are maybe just trying to say, “Hey, quit leaving your clothes all over the house!” and since dogs don’t speak english, they pee on stuff. I just need to get a nice steam cleaner and let it do the work! Then we’ll be pee free!
No one has peed in the bed recently, myself included, so the sheets can breathe a sigh of relief. I’m glad I nipped that one before it got out of hand, because that was pretty much the reason we had to get rid of Bella a few years ago, and frankly, there’s just no way that I am giving any animals up. How could I?! Impossible.
In hobo news, Steve was waiting for me outside my work the other day and a hobo asked him if he’d like to see his “bum.” Now I’m thinking, hey, that guy IS a bum, but I wonder what exactly that guy was thinking when he asked Steve if he’d like to have a gander at his ass. Maybe he thought it would start a sexy situation, because you know there’s nothing sexier than an unwashed bottom. Especially an unwashed, un-toilet-papered bottom! Check THIS out!
May I also announced that there are bloomed flowers out here?! WTF! I am not used to this. Flowers, green grass, birds. It’s like I’m living in a Mary Poppins type world. With smelly hobos who like to use their asses as invitations. Amazing.
I am also doing better on the medication today. Though I find I get daily headaches. Does this happen to anyone else? I found I had to do this on Effexor as well, so I’m not surprised, but I read the other day that it’s bad for your liver if you take an ibpruofin every day. MY POOR LIVER! I don’t really drink, so I assume my liver is pretty strong. It can bench press a Golden Girl, FYI. I didn’t know that ibpruofin could actually hurt your liver though. I mean, everything in moderation, right, but I find I need to take at least one ibuprofen every other day at least, and I don’t want to kill the ‘ol liver with medicine.

Stackable pugs!

I guess with the small space in the apartment, the dogs are now stacking themselves

Well, I guess today is one of those rough days you have on new medication.  I can’t seem to concentrate today.  I didn’t want to get up for work, and I keep looking at the clock.  Work is GOOD too, so I think it’s just one of those freakout days.  I just want to curl up in a warm blanket and sleep.  You know, get the pugs all up in the blankets for some good snuggles.  I’m sort of jittery, too.  I can’t keep it together today.  I’m hoping that maybe by next week that I’ve settled into the new medication and that I will function better.  I must say that it really helps to go off of one as you’re going onto another.  Then at least you’re never not medicated, and I suffered a great deal less when I did a few days of two medications, than trying to go off of one completely, and then start a new one from zero.

I’m not in a bad mood or anything, either, I just want to go home and have a sleep.  It’s probably because of the massive amount of rainfall happening as well.  Sorta cold, sorta dreary, sorta makin’ me not want to do anything weather.
In other news, Winston has taken a liking to peeing on a lot of things in the apartment.  NOT GOOD!  He peed on my trench coat right after I washed it, he’s peeing on my jammies, and he peed on Steve’s hoodie.  All in two days!  Damnit!  I’m not really sure if there’s anything I can do to get him to stop.  I mean, I know that it seems to be smells on clothing, so I have that.  The weird thing is that he’s peeing on washed AND unwashed items.  I guess he’s just trying to get his smell OVER other smells?  Sort of like I WIN I WIN FOR SMELLS!  WINSTON IS THE BEST!  He’s doing it when I am out of the house too, so I can’t just jump up and say, NO!!  for now, I’ve had to close the bathroom and bedroom doors, and I’m trying to keep all clothing strewn about to those two rooms.  Hopefully that will work.  I’m not too sure what else to do!

April 2008
27282930 collective fashion consciousness.