Posts Tagged 'Twilight'

Shower Headband Book

Today I awoke to the harsh realization that for maybe the 5th time in a year, there was no hot water. This manages to magically happen overnight each time, and I’d say that 4 out of the 5 times this has happened I’ve been buck naked standing with my hand under the faucet, pleading hot water to come out because I need to be at work soon.

Then I am forced to go to work all greasy and gross and ripe from the day before. Okay, greasy and gross and ripe in MY OPINION. Though I did spray myself very thoroughly with Body Shop Cranberry body spray, which in my mind, can cover the smell of most anything. I literally boiled water so that I could wash my hair, because not washing my hair is something I just can’t deal with.

I also realized that if I don’t have a shower in the morning, it’s mostly my hands that don’t feel clean, which is completely insane because hands are pretty much the easiest thing to wash. I don’t know what it is about the shower, but whatever happens during those, what, 10 minutes? It’s magic.

So I sat at my desk all day, greasing it up and feeling pretty gross. Hopefully the water is back to normal now so that I can go home and have a proper, water-wasting 15 minute shower to wash off the day. I can’t take it! I must shower!

Things would be different if I lived in the woods. You just end up so dirty finally that you maintain a nice stasis of dirtiness and don’t really need to bathe. But I am not in the woods, I am in downtown Vancouver…which I suppose is right near a forest, but lets not make rash decisions.

For whatever reason I also decided to “spice” things up a bit and throw on a headband, which is just another way I like to torture myself. Must every headband on earth dig like a motherfucker into my skull? Apparently the answer is yes. We all know I can’t wear those round headbands because of my slanty skull, but sometimes I like to throw a nice regular headband into the mix. I should have really thought that through though because I wear glasses, which also take up the exact area code that headbands like to live. They’ve been dueling all day for ‘prime skull crushing’ territory, and I’m pretty sure that it’s the glasses that are going to win. Sorry headband, we tried but things aren’t really working out for me. I want to see other people.

In some other sucky, first-world news, I ordered the other Stephenie Meyer books on Sunday night, foolishly thinking they’d arrive within the week. Apparently, amazon.ca has other ideas. Namely the date of December 3rd. I’m hoping this is just a rouse and I will magically have all the books tomorrow, but seeing as how this week is turning into a shitfest, I’m thinking they will probably arrive next week. Sigh. Steve tried to cheer me up when I asked him what else I should read in the meantime (I’ve already devoured the partial draft of Midnight Sun) and he sent me this book jacket:

Which has more wonderful elements than a girl can really ask for. My favorite part is the open fly on the cover. So suggestive!

Twilight Movie Review

Making a movie for hoards of anxious tweens and teenage girls will result in one of two reactions, one being something like this:

Or like this:

and I am pretty sure there is no gray area in between.

I shoved my way past mountains of teen girls as the theatre filled up, but I am always the stickler for getting to the theatre an hour before the movie on opening weekend.  And may I just ask WHY do people show up on opening weekend 5 minutes before the movie, and look disappointed when they can’t find say, 5 seats together in the exact centre of the theatre? So goes the minds of the stupid people.

There was a lot of screaming during this movie.  A LOT.  And I’m pretty sure that everyones’ panties flew at the screen when Robert Pattinson finally made his debut.

This face is responsible for the onset of millions of girls' puberties.

Robert Pattinson: Sending millions of tweens into early puberty since...Friday?

Frankly, I am getting distracted just having this photo on my post.

Whether this movie is good or bad, and no matter what anyone says, the fans will continue to show up in hoards. Teen girls rule the earth.  And really, there’s more women then men, so why wouldn’t we show up to see a sexy vampire story?  Let us not forget Interview with the Vampire.

Brad Pitt + not crazy Tom Cruise + Antonio Banderas = the original sexy vampire mix

Brad Pitt + not crazy Tom Cruise + Antonio Banderas = the original sexy vampire mix, no?

With movies made from books, I don’t know if the movie will ever live up to the book, unless it is 6 hours long. And you will never impress everyone because we all likely imagined that it would come to life in a slightly different way. I think that especially rings true for a book that runs on a lot of internal dialog, mystery, and thought. The poor studio that made this movie was falling into debt, and had a paltry $37 million to make the movie, as opposed to a well-funded film like the new Bond film, having a budget of $230 million dollars.  Do you know why Edward wasn’t sparkling as brightly or as beautifully as you thought?  Because that was one of hundreds of moments that needed to be filmed within this small budget.  This is also likely why the baseball scene wasn’t quite “impressive” enough. Think about how many people you have to pay, feed, clothe, and then you can add in the film, the gear, and then you’ve got a very small portion left to add that extra described effect that Meyer added to so many parts of this book.

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I give applause to the actors.  I felt like everyone did a great job.  I feel like I lost some of the effect and intensity of the movie because so many girls were squealing with delight, or laughter, maybe not knowing how to react when the mild scene of sexuality happened.

Which brings me to another point. A lot of reviews I’ve read are talking about how this movie is a thinly veiled attempt to speak to young girls about abstinence. I respectfully disagree. This is a movie based on a book that came from a dream that the author had.  From the subconscious of a grown woman. Her ability to capture love, desperation, and the struggle of an undead man and a very much alive woman is clear.  And is there any better way to connect with women than appealing to their most basic, carnal instincts?  I don’t think that we need to read that much into this book.  This book didn’t try to change anyone’s view on sex, it didn’t try to change literature or make a substantial intelligent mark, it is a fictitious book about events that didn’t happen.  Sometimes women just want to read a good love story. It’s an easy read, it’s captivating, sexy, and isn’t trying too hard.  It doesn’t need to.

twilight-movie-9

The good news is that Twilight has, as of tonight, brought in more money on its opening weekend than the new James Bond flick.  $70.5 million, securing the New Moon movie will follow. I am betting that this film will be better, but I doubt that it will please critics.  I think if you didn’t read the book, you probably won’t like the movie.  I also believe that the majority of movie critics are grown men, so it’s no wonder this movie has had poor reviews.

My opinion is that this movie was good.  It wasn’t awe-inspiring- it didn’t have the money to do that.  It satisfied my urge to see these characters come to life. Sure, it was cheesy and awkward in some parts, but teen romance is cheesy and awkward. I think we can all agree with that.

Okay Ladies…

We all seem to be in this together.  This love of Twilight.

official_twilight_movie_posterTurn your panties into overdrive and get to the theatre!  You know what I found?  I found it’s easiest to go to crazy movies like this in the afternoon, as most people will want to make a date or a ‘girls night out’ out of it. Or perhaps late at night?  Most of the tweens won’t be allowed out at night, and especially not to a 10:30pm show when the movie is over 2 hours long!

I finished the book tonight, and it was GLORIOUS.  And I’m pretty sure the movie will be just as good. I need to get my damn hands on a copy of the next book, eeeep!

So is anyone other than me going to be seeing this movie this weekend?The good thing about a crowd that’s younger is that you can pretty much push your way over all of them to get close enough to the screen to lick it. *wink*

Shhh, don’t tell anyone

I picked up Twilight, and I am…gasp…ENJOYING it.

twilight

And I am…GASP…going to see the movie this weekend.

Stupid sexy vampires!


August 2017
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