Archive for June, 2006

So my birthday is coming up…

and my sister asked me what I wanted, then yelled at me when I couldn’t think of anything. You know, just in case anyone else is…you know…going to get me anything…this is a good place to get ideas…

a sushi pillow!

a hair dryer, because I’m pretty sure mine is going to explode soon, and I don’t want to be bald!

this book:

or this one:

or you know, this book:

DVDs are always good:

and I saw this on Ebay!

So there are some ideas!

I have been a bad blogger this week, but I have bronchitis, so it’s kind of hard to type when you’re always on the verge of sneezing/coughing things up you’ve never seen before!

I went to Opa for greek food today and there were these two guys there that smelled like cock. What’s up with that?!

I watched this special on some dude who built a submarine that looks exactly and moves exactly like a shark. It was pretty awesome…until the shark sunk with him inside of it and no real way out…that was kind of brutal…but he’s alive. Don’t worry.

Also, has anyone seen “So You Think You Can Dance”? It’s pretty much totally awesome.

I’ll be back when I feel less like a zombie!

Things are all a flutter

You know what’s REALLY messed up? Seahorses. Did you know they are considered FISH? What the hell is that?! I really don’t get how a tiny little thing like that is considered a fish. I would be more inclined to classify it as a tiny pony of the sea more than a fish.
My boss hasn’t given me anything to do in a week. Talk about boredom! Oh well, the workplace is jazzy so I’ll live. Anyone got any ideas of how I can pass the time???

So after this work term I’m pretty much out of a full-time job. I decided to apply for a permanent job at my current weeday job. If I get it I’ll be giving presentations that end in “hey, give us money!” I like that. The best part? I actually got to apply to my current boss. I REALLY want the job, holy crap. That would solve a lot of shit.

I finally registered for Japanese! YES! I also looked into flights to Japan and I think if I get this full-time job that I will TRY to go to Japan for a few weeks in April 2007. HOLY CRAP! Can you believe that?! I am actually fulfilling a lifelong dream! I just have to save up some mad cash…like $1500 for a plane ride out there, then you know, another $1000 to spend, then another $1000 for what I’ll miss at work…wait a second…don’t I get paid time off if I’m a real employee? YESSSSSS. Anyhow, I figure if I work till the end of the summer with 2 jobs I should have enough to do this. AWESOME FORCES!!!

Working every day sucks. I want my debt to be gone. What a poop shoot.

I was getting headaches and nausia for like a week and everyone was like, “YOU’RE PREGNANT, AREN’T YOU?!” and I was just about ready to be like, “WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO THE BATHROOM WITH ME?! I WILL PROVE I AM HAVING MY PERIOD!!!” Why is it whenever a chick is nausiated she’s assumed to be pregnant?! You know what the problem was??? My multi-vitamins were making me sick! WHAT THE HELL?!

Man, I am bored out of my fucking skull. I really need to get my ass up and do something. holy crap. I think tonight so far I’ve had a nap and have played with the cat. My life is dullsville!

Things you should know about my cat.

She can make a kitty ball!

She sometimes likes to sit like a fat man.

She enjoys delicious fondue!

She can fly! Ok, she can’t, but she can jump really high…

Things I learned on my weekend away…

This man’s name is Rolf

he is from Sweden

and lives in the trees

and makes sexy wood carvings!

Wolves + Paintings = Totally sexy!

Taking photos in the rain is good.

Shitty Star Trek Enterprise reproductions are amazing.

nacho condiments are delicious!

Sculpters even sculpt testicles.

Sometimes it’s just hammer time.

I take pretty sweet photos.

Isn’t it about time?

I swear I will post about my vacation soon. At the moment I’m wanting to snuggle with my kitty and read one of my books. Sometimes a girl just needs a kitty snuggle!

That all DEPENDS

So I spent the day with a room full of seniors at Heritage Park. For those who don’t know what Heritage park is, it’s pretty much a park filled with a bunch of houses from the EARLY 1900s. Everyone is dressed in period costume as well. It’s good, EDUCATIONAL times. I can’t say I’d ever buy a seasons pass, but it’s a good time.
Anyhow, we had a “thanks old volunteers” event today that wasn’t planned by my department. It was a bit of an unorganized disaster, but I think my team pulled it off reasonably well considering the circumstances.
You know how there are some feisty, fun-loving seniors, and then there are the seniors that look like they’re pretty much already dead? I’m pretty sure I was at the dead table. Okay, there were some fiftysomethings there too, but MAN…I don’t think I could even tell you what they were talking about.

I am sad this week because TO CATCH A PREDATOR is being pre-empted for a TV special interview with Britney Spears. FUCK THAT! I want to watch pervs get arrested!

Also, a few weeks ago I was talking about taxidermy. I was talking about this to a higher-up at work because the location of the event had an enormous elk head on the wall. She asked, “I wonder if you can taxidermy PEOPLE?”

“uhhh, yeah, Lenin’s body is encased in glass…”


HOLY SHIT! She had never heard about THAT?! WTF?

What I want to know is, where do you buy a fake moose tongue? How do you put that on your resume?!


I sold fox, deer, and moose tongues for 36 years.

I don’t know if selling tongues is really a transferrable skill…

Takin’ dollars to buy some change

I think that this show, “To Catch a Predator” is pretty much the most hillarious thing on television right now. If you aren’t familiar with this show, I will explain…
This reporter, Chris Hansen, hides in a rented house where this team of people pretend to be 13 year old girls and boys on the internet. These people tell the men they talk to on the internet that their parents are out of town and to come over to have sex. Really there’s no kid waiting, just this 40 year old reporter. HAHAHA. So hillarious. Anyhow, so they’ll get a girl to be a decoy and lure these dudes into the back of these rented houses. While the dudes are waiting for the young kids to come out, Chris Hansen comes out and confronts them.
What kind of honorable men try to sleep with minors?


He IS special…

Quite possibly the WIERDEST thing I’ve seen is this guy, who tries to get the “girl” he’s going to have sex with to perform a sex act on a CAT…(don’t worry, no cats were hurt, just the dude’s pride when he walked naked into a room with a reporter in it)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE DUDES?! Anyhow, this show is on every week, and I’ve seen everything from a fat guy try to stab himself (unsucessfully) with a ballpoint pen after being caught to a convicted child molestor MIDGET.

In other, less disgusting news, I am going to Radium Hot Springs this weekend! It’s official! YAY!!! TWO DAYS OFF!


Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me…

Rain rain…well, don’t go away, but at least if it’s going to be cloudy, let it rain like a silly bitch! What’s with the clouds and the cold air, and then no rain?! Fuck. That. How am I supposed to use my glorious clear umbrella when there is no rain?!
So on Friday I worked a golf tournament with Steve R. You know that this shit’s gonna be good. So I convince Steve to come with me with promises of free meals all day. We had to travel to Canmore for the tournament, so naturally there’s gotta be some perks! We drive to Canmore enjoying a delicious breakfast of McGriddles, when it begins to rain…and rain…AND RAIN. By the time we hit Canmore it’s POURING. There are pretty much puddles everywhere. I drive through a few only to discover the tricky nature of some puddles actually being LAKES and covering my car in sparkling mountain rainwater. TSUNAMI TIME!!!
Our job for the day was to be “hole spotters.” No one knew what exactly a hole spotter was. As we discovered, it’s pretty much the suckiest job in the world. We had to sit by a hole all day to check and see if anyone got a hole in one. If anyone did, they won $15,000. You think people would aim for the hole really well if they knew they were playing for $15,000. NO WAY! Numerous times Steve and I were subject to the “duck and cover” technique as we tried to avoid golf balls that seemed to go EVERYWHERE BUT THE HOLE! Seriously, how do you smack a ball through like six trees and maintain that much speed?!
I know one thing, I know I can golf better than some of those people and I don’t even golf!
Sadly, so many golfers attended this event that they stole our dinner seats. We tried to find a place to sit but alas, golfers were in abundance despite the grey weather. When my boss found out we were leaving due to seat shortage (and three hours of sleep the night before) she tried desperately to find us a seat.
“No no, it’s fine, really!”
“Oh no! You guys worked all day, you’re gonna eat!”
Then some random woman comes out of nowhere and tried to shove Steve into her seat.
Violence at the country club!!! VIOLENCE!!!
We ended up leaving and driving home while enjoying the flavor-packed deliciousness of Wendy’s and listening to the Bee Gees. I’d say that’s better than a steak dinner and country club people!

On another delightful note, I bought Samurai Jack Season 3 on DVD. THIS SHOW IS AMAZING. ENOUGH SAID.

On yet ANOTHER delightful note, I bought a shirt from M. Partizio! YESSSSS! The Timmie shirt is miiiiiiiine!

National Slayer Day!

I thought with the imminent arrival of 666 this past week that I’d take a look into chaos theory. “What the hell does that have to do with June 6 th, 2006?” you ask…

Well, the other day I was at work and heard some co-workers of mine talking about how some women are inducing labor as a way to escape the much-feared birthday of 6/6/06. Okay, I realize that this whole 666 number is recognized as being associated with the devil, but let’s think about this…

It was, in fact, 06/06/2006, not June 6th, 6 A.D. Back then they weren’t even counting in years, or so I hear. If that’s the case, does anyone know when someone sat up and said, “Hey, I make this the year 200” or whatever? What day did time begin? Did the notion of counting time begin at 12:00am, or was it some arbitrary time that we’ll never know?

Anyhow, I digress…

As I thought about people inducing labor, I wondered, could such events have profound effects on these children if they were meant to be born on June 6 th, 2006? This is assuming that we’re looking at this issue through an existentialist lens (assuming everything is interconnected). Is there really a way to look at chaos theory without existentialism though?

Will the children born the day before or after this day using labor that was somehow aided create great changes in years to come? All this to avoid having your day of birth on the same holiday as National Slayer Day. In China, 666 is considered lucky, so many labors were in fact induced on what Westerners believe to be the most unlucky day in history.

Did anything really bad happen? I can tell you one thing, the date of 06/06/06 will never be remembered the same way that 9/11 is.

Work is fun

Gee, you send a funny photo to some co-workers and BAM…you’re fine photoshop work ends up on the organization intranet homepage!

June 2006
252627282930 collective fashion consciousness.