Posts Tagged 'shoes'

Feet and Shoes

 

I’ve got fat feet.  The rest of me isn’t wide by any means, but my poor feet are pretty darn fat.  That, or my bones are totally messed up.  I have feet that are, by shoe standards, ridiculously wide for a lady.  Which sort of makes me feel like I have man feet!  Though they don’t look like man feet.  Just sayin’.

Then I have these high arches that don’t translate well to heels that are made of stiff leather.  My arch is actually so high that i have to usually buy one size up so that I can jam my freaky feet into a boot.  And yes, the boot is unzipped.  And yes, I have tried a shoehorn.  My crazy-ass feet are so arched that all the pressure in a heel goes to my big toes.

Then there’s my poor bunion on my left foot.  My mom had a bunion and had to have surgery!  And then there’s me and my foot.  In college I had this pair of black flat boots that I am pretty sure are the cause of my poor bunion.  Strange how a pair of flats managed to kill my feet.  Sigh.

Then I had a pair of flats in college that I wore during my time in Banff, and they messed up my poor pinkie toe on my right foot!  All because my feet are seriously too wide for ridiculously thin women’s shoes.  Aw.

I don’t know anyone who has actually complained about women’s shoes before who had somewhat normal feet, you know?  It’s all these people who are either extremely overweight, or other people who are basically missing a toe or something.

Does anyone else have problems with women’s shoes?  Some of them are so thin in width I don’t know if anyone could get their foot in the shoe without cutting off their pinky, and the associated bones just to get the shoe ON!

For instance, I am currently wearing a pair of flat Oxford shoes, and I can feel my poor feet throbbing at the knuckles ever so slightly because my feet are wider than these shoes, thus making all my toe bones jam together.

Actually, I  ought to just get rid of those pesky pinky toes.  What have they done for me lately?  I’ll tell you what: NOTHING.  Though they are so darn cute!  Maybe I’ll just get rid of a middle toe– no one cares about the middle toes!

MUST…POST!

Shit, dudes!  It’s been like a week without posting!  My poor brain has actually worked all week long, and is left with no time to wander to thoughts of blogging about poop and pugs and all the wonderful things I used to write about!  I will prevail though, oh yes.

The job is so good.  I can’t tell you how much better the new job is than the other jobs.  Holy.  Crap.

I even have to go to the bathroom as I’m writing this, but I’ll be damned if a bowel movement will stop me!

So last weekend I bought this sweet pair of Adidas sneakers, which I guess are my first pair of fashion-esque sneakers in years, because I’ve accumulated so many cute, girly shoes that I own no casual shoes.  Anyhow, I had gotten that sweet Adidas track jacket I’m wearing a few posts down at a sweet boxing day sale for like $40, so I needed some kind of casual shoe for it.  Trust me, I tried on every other pair of remotely casual shoes I own, and none of them could be worn with a track jacket.  SON OF A…

Anyway, I will pretty much use any excuse to buy shoes, and this was a good one!  I knew that I wanted these particularly loud shoes for a long time:

because how can you not want a ridiculously loud pair of rainbow Adidas, right?   Anyhow, the funny thing that goes along with these shoes is that when I went to buy them, the sales girl I handed the shoe to didn’t seem to notice that the shoe was Adidas, and that she had been looking through a pile of  Nike shoe boxes for a good 4 minutes.  Now, I didn’t want to be an asshole and say, “Hey!  Stupid!  THOSE ARE ADIDAS YOU’RE HOLDING, AND YOU ARE LOOKING IN NIKE BOXES!!!”  I just kind of stayed quiet and gave a really confused look to Steve, who in turn was looking at the sales girl like she was a clam.  So I ever-so-gently point out that I had taken that sample shoe from this display over here, so maybe they were in that cupboard…

“No, no, I know they’re not in there…”

Meanwhile she opens the cupboard I mentioned, actually LOOKS PAST the Adidas boxes, and keeps looking…

Another, oh, 5 minutes later she opens an Adidas box and is like, “Here they are!”

To which Steve said something like, “Yes.  The Adidas sneakers were in the Adidas box.  Go figure.”

INDEED.


February 2017
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