Archive for July, 2006

I know you

100 Magical Things About Me!

1. I have always loved cats. The musical was so-so.
2. I like being suspended in air, for example, swinging on swings, basket chairs, trampolines…
3. I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was little, then an artist. In junior high I wanted to be an Egyptologist. My education is in Nonprofit Management.
4. I slept with a blanket over my head for about 21 years because I was scared of ghosts.
5. I once had a cat that had 7 toes on each front paw.
6. I love, love, love good fiction.
7. My parents got divorced when I was 9.
8. I once had my hair permed and dyed blonde at the same time. YIKES.
9. My favorite color is purple.
10. I always wanted glasses and braces when I was little.
11. I’ve never swum in the ocean. Yes, swum is a word.
12. My rook, tragus, belly button and earlobes are pierced.
13. I am going to get a Japanese tattoo after I return from Japan.
14. I can play the piano, clarinet, a little bit of guitar, and the recorder.
15. I’d like to live in Vancouver one day.
16. My father became brain injured when I was 10.
17. I once almost fell out of a ride at the Stampede because I was too skinny.
18. I don’t really see the need to drink when I’m out.
19. I love the smell of cigarette smoke, but smoking makes me ill.
20. I got horrid grades until college when I became one of the top 3 students of my year.
21. I am left-handed. Trust me, the world is made for right-handed people.
22. I can’t stand when people make smacking noises when they eat.
23. I love the smell of my cat.
24. Winston is my first dog. I drove 4 hours to get him.
25. The house I live in is almost 100 years old.
26. I always wanted to be Lydia from Beetlejuice.
27. I talk to my pets when no one is home.
28. I prefer to be in small groups rather than large ones.
29. I don’t know anything about how my parents met, or my grandparents.
30. One of my closest cousins was stabbed to death in junior high by a fellow student and left to die in the parking lot of his school.
31. Another one of my cousins (his brother) has murdered.
32. My mom works at a jail. She once dated an ex-inmate who got her into a pyramid scheme.
33. I haven’t seen or spoken to my dad since I was 10.
34. When my niece was born, I was so happy I cried so hard that I couldn’t even hold her.
35. I ALWAYS cry at “A Baby Story.”
36. When I was little, I used to conduct the sky like an orchestra because I thought I could control the weather.
37. My first real pet was a gueni pig. His name was Tugs. I have no idea how he got that name.
38. I like rocking chairs.
39. I love being in old houses.
40. I would love to own a preserved tarantula.
41. My all-time favorite movie is ‘The Secret Garden.’
42. The smell of fresh roses reminds me of my grandmother and makes me happy.
43. My grandpa used to call me “pet” and I loved it.
44. I have dumped everyone I have had a relationship with, except for Mike because we both agreed to break up.
45. My longest relationship was 3 years.
46. I don’t believe in love at first sight.
47. I have a Japanese aunt whom I’ve never met.
48. I have an uncle who has re-married my same aunt more than once.
49. I’ve picked my thumb cuticles since I was 9. I have no feeling in the top of my right thumb because of this. I still do it.
50. The smell of coffee reminds me of my grandfather.
51. When I feel hungry, I decide in my head whether I want salty or sweet before I look for something to eat.
52. I only enter rooms with my right foot and I put on my right shoe before my left.
53. I used to hate CSI until I lived in Banff. Now I can watch it all day.
54. I love being in the mountains. I have only climbed 2.
55. I have never sung a song in front of anyone because my sister made fun of me with a friend when I was little because they caught me singing a song from The Little Mermaid movie by myself.
56. I like washing dishes but I hate drying them.
57. I like it when it’s cold more than when it’s hot.
58. My cat sleeps beside me on a pillow every night.
59. I love video games but hate that there are so few girls who like them
60. I don’t like being dizzy.
61. I hate barfing- I hate the sound, the smell, and seeing it.
62. I love watching programs about operations and diseases.
63. I love to sneeze, but I hate sore throats.
64. My favorite flower is an orchid, but I’m too bad with plants to have one.
65. I have a retirement fund set up
66. Pachelbell’s Canon in D is my favorite song.
67. I love girl underpants that look like boy underpants
68. I am double jointed in pretty much every joint I have. I have dislocated my thumbs, my fingers, my toes, my shoulders, my feet, my knees, my jaw, my legs and so on and have put them all back in myself.
69. I can touch my foot to my head while standing
70. I can do that crazy backwards lean that Neo does in the Matrix with no assistance.
71. I would like to visit the catacombs of Paris
72. I love having fresh flowers in my home.
73. I HATE the sound of Styrofoam rubbing together. Cardboard sucks too.
74. I love guacamole
75. I prefer ice in my drinks
76. I once won a fake orgasm contest at a sex show
77. I dislike looking at people in other cars at red lights
78. I am good at spending money but I’m also good at saving it
79. I dislike reading books from the library or other used books because it feels like someone else’s presence is lingering inside the book
80. I could stand to take better care of my cds and dvds
81. I love to view original paintings in museums
82. Jazz is the only music I can’t stand to listen to because I don’t feel that the songs go anywhere or have a point
83. My dream car is a 1955 Chevy Bel Air, black, with flames painted on the front and a hula girl on the dashboard
84. I’ve ridden an elevator with a corpse
85. When I listen to music I often try to create a video for the song I’m listening to in my head
86. I was in a medical journal after I was born because of my stork bite birthmark. I can still see it on my forehead and I still have it at the nape of my neck
87. I like most things that are miniature such as tiny furniture for dollhouses and mini golf.
88. I dislike porcelain dolls, but love Japanese-made ones.
89. No matter what time I go to bed, if I get to sleep in until 10am I feel rested. Because I have two jobs currently I am always tired.
90. I can only walk in 1″ high heels. I hope to learn soon how to walk in higher heels without looking 13.
91. My dreams are extremely vivid and seem as real to me when I’m asleep as my waking life.
92. My current apartment combines several things I’ve always loved about old homes: stained glass windows, hardwood fixtures, a fireplace, crown molding, and a claw-footed tub. The only thing missing is a chandelier.
93. I think it would be fun to get married on Halloween.
94. Part of my family is part of the McNaughtan clan of Scotland.
95. I prefer Pepsi to Coke.
96. My current favorite book is tied between everything is Illuminated and Winkie.
97. I don’t eat most meat because as a child I would become disgusted when I’d hit a piece of fat in meat. I also took a philosophy course that changed my mind about eating meat. I don’t eat meat because I can afford not to. When I am really hungry I will eat meat though, or if I’m in a situation where meat is the only thing available.
98. I dislike strawberry ice cream, so if all I have is Neapolitan, I will make a point of digging around the strawberry.
99. When swimming, I prefer the back stroke
100. My sister named me, not my parents. If my dad had his way, I would have been named Remy Martin, after the booze.

Impregnated by my own shorts

Last night I tried to teach Steve how to swing dance for the second time. Instead of swing dancing, he proceeded to lift me up by my shorts and drive them so far into my crotch I’m pretty sure I’m going to have little baby shorts/Lmizzles….

I wonder what that would look like?

I think it might look something like this:

Crazy Lesbian Motorcycle!

Check out this sweet motorcycle that’s been sitting outside of the hospital I work at for the past 3 weeks! I’ve been trying to find out who drives it and finally last weekend I saw him. In one word: dorksauce! It looks like he works at a hot dog stand. So odd!


Family Photo Time!

A guide to walking for Ultra Toast:

MOTHA F**KIN’ BIRTHDAY TIME!!!

GUESS WHAT I GOT IN TIME FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!

SURPRISE, EVERYONE! I have kept the news that Steve and I would be getting a pug puppy secret for about a week. It was difficult, but the surprise for everyone should be worth it I hope!

Pugs are pretty much the best dog ever. That much I knew. I’ve never had a dog before, so this is going to be a whole new ball game for me! How did I come into ownership of such an effing cute little dude? Let me tell you the story…

As you know, a few weeks ago, someone terrible left their german Shepard tied up in our back yard. After spending the afternoon with such a beautiful dog, we felt terrible sending her to the pound because she was a lovely dog. Sadly, a german Shepard is WAY too big of a dog to keep in a small apartment.


This got Steve and I thinking that we would like to have a dog. The natural choice for an apartment dog that isn’t a sissy little bugger is a pug. Pugs are hilarious. Just looking at them makes me laugh. What’s better than being able to dress up a dog that looks like an old man wrapped in a sausage? Nothing, that’s what!

It took me a while to find a seller, but I came across an ad on buysell.com that had this picture:


You can see why we had to choose these puppies.

I was careful to make sure that we chose a seller who would actually be respectful enough to return a phone call, even if it was long-distance, and the woman whose ad this was returned my call the very same day.

Think of this woman as the mother you all would like to have. She’s kind, helpful, encouraging. We pretty much wanted to be adopted by her by the end of all this!

So, Saturday, Steve and I drove a lengthy 4 hours to a farm northeast of Edmonton, where we met our little dude known now as Winston Sumo Bark Bark (his name had to match the cat!).

First off, the pug puppies are all kept together in a kennel, and when she opened the door, a flood of cuteness overflowed onto my feet. I was afloat in an ocean of adorable puppies!

We were finally introduced to Winston, who was a little shy at first, but soon took a liking to sitting on Steve’s lap for a good pet.

Long story short, we bought him and drove another 3 ½ hours to get back home! The pup was a little scared because this was his first time out in the world, but he’s doing well.

Now I can finally dress my very own pug in a bee costume, just like I’ve always secretly wanted!

"I’ll have a tall glass of ice cold milk, please!"

I was just at the Tim Horton’s across from my house and I watched (because the lineup was LONG-ASS) someone ordering.

“I’ll have a small milk.”

Uhhhh…okay, maybe it’s just me, but when I go to a coffee shop I’m not thinking, “FUCK YEAH! I WANT SOME 2% MILK, Y’ALL!!!!”

I don’t get people who do that. When I worked at Starbucks people would order milk, GROWN people…well, except for the creepy dude who worked at The Brick and would always order a kid’s hot chocolate…that was just off the wall. If I’m going out, i want something fucking crazy delicious to drink, not just a plain ol’ squeeze off a cow’s teet.

Yes, I’ll admit it…when I worked at Starbucks I DID drink glasses of milk. I love milk! You must remember that as many free drinks as you can ingest can get a little filling, and sometimes a lady just needs some plain moo juice. I also lost 10 pounds after I quit there…hmmmmm…

anyhow, these grown-baby people who order milk are pretty must the weirdest thing ever. Except for maybe Liza Minelli or however you spell her name. That picture of her kissing her now ex-husband like a whale engulfing the OCEAN?!?! Whoa.

Anyhow, that’s just me.

It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3!


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