Archive for June, 2007

Back to the Future of Fashion

I don’t know what it is, but lately I have been really girly. I’ve bought a bunch of dresses and I own heels and blouses. Maybe I’m on some kind of feminine rush of estrogen?
Either way I am in girly overdrive these days, and today I decided was the day to find out if it were actually a world where an extremely pale, let’s call it porcelain-skinned woman like me could wear red lipstick without looking like a cheap hooker.
Since I’m pretty pale (read: GHOSTLY WHITE), I thought maybe I’d be able to get away with it. So I headed down to MAC and while making my other annual makeup purchases, I asked the sales rep to put red lipstick on me to see what I’d look like.
I thought maybe I could channel Dita Von Teese or something, since I love the femininity of the 50s era.

and it actually wasn’t too bad! I didn’t look like a cheap skank, and it didn’t make me want to lunge at the makeup remover. In fact, I kept in on…….

for an hour.

Okay, I’m feeling pretty girly, but I’m thinking there needs to be a pretty serious excuse for me to wear red lipstick. Am I wrong?

Has anyone else out there attempted to try on red lipstick?

I think maybe if I were donning my now stain-free outfit from H&M that I could maybe pull it off……maybe.

I just got home from an Advance Screening of TRANSFORMERS!!!!!!

And I can’t even describe the sheer on-screen AWESOMENESS X 1000 that was this movie. It was everything great that you think it’s going to be. This is the best movie I have seen in 2007. Seriously. I’m pretty sure I pooped a robot out of sheer joy after I got out of this movie. People were so delighted that they clapped at the end and cheered when they heard the first transformation noise.

Maybe now we won’t have to ostracize Michael Bay for such shiteous movies as “The Island”. Okay Mr. Bay, I forgive you. You have wooed me with the EXTREME BONER-RIFFIC intensity of the robot aliens of my childhood (and most of my career working at Blockbuster as I was constantly forced to watch the movie over and over by my male co-workers).






When Good Sales Go Bad

Okay ladies, I am here to give you a cleaning tip sent down from little baby Jesus himself. Here’s the backstory:
I am basically obsessed with Madonna’s line for H&M. I could drape myself in something from that line every day and look totally great. Plus, the line isn’t that expensive, so to buy more than a few pieces from this line has been more cost-effective than most shopping I do!
I do have one complaint though–why in the hell are her high heels like a foot high?!!?! I tried a pair on (because it’s getting around to Stampede time and EVERYTHING IS ON SALE, YAY!) thinking they might be pretty fly.

I could barely stand on one foot! What the shit, Madonna? These are like a foot high? Are you crazy?! I mean, they look fantastic, but I don’t want my foot stuck in “barbie foot” mode all day. I like heels and all, but it seems like if I wore these that I probably wouldn’t be able to bend my knees, or for that matter, walk. And I like to walk. It’s how I get from here to there.

Anyhow, I bought this outfit on sale (WOOO!) minus the scarf thing and the crazy belt because it’s very librarian chic…

It all fits like magical unicorns on me, and who doesn’t like magical unicorns? I get it home and look at the shirt and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, there is like this drippy-ass makeup stain down part of the back of the shirt. Now I’m thinking that I am going to have to return this fantastic score of a purchase and go into a deep fashion depression.

BUT NO!

I recently bought an organic cleaning book that made me think that there has to be a way to get a shitty old makeup stain off of a shirt.

Actually, I am going to digress for a moment to complain, which is also something I like to do, and I think I do it pretty well. Who are these women that are wearing ten pounds of makeup that soil all the light colored clothing in the world? WHY DO YOU DO THIS? First of all, I don’t think ANYONE needs to wear enough makeup to actually leave a face imprint ala the shroud of Turin. I don’t want to think that someone has tried on my clothing before me, let alone know what they looked like! Secondly–do these people not know how to try on clothing?! I mean, okay, I can understand that sometimes a makeup ring can appear on the collar of a t-shirt or whatever, but the last few shirts I’ve seen that are white have had makeup stains on the front of a button-down shirt! Are they shellacking down with spray makeup all over themselves?

Anyway, so I was pretty bummed about the shirt, but I decided to take a look on the internet to see if I could find an organic way to clean the drips of makeup off the shirt.

The first thing I read about was good old fashioned shaving cream. I don’t know really how it acts when combined with dried liquid makeup, but the website said it works like a charm.

AND IT DOES!

I squeezed some onto my hand and then rubbed it on the stains with a little hot water and then scrubbed with a toothbrush and VOILA! NO MORE STAIN!

So maybe next time you see a shirt or whatever that you’re totally getting a girl boner for, but it has a shitty makeup stain on it, FRET NOT! You can likely just rinse it out at home! Woo!

Are You KIDDING Me?

Well, I finally got the opportunity to talk to my boss, which was about as easy as attempting to travel to see the Wizard when you’re in completely ridiculous ruby slippers. I should have just walked into her office, clicked my heels, and chanted that there was indeed, no place like home.

We sat down and she talked about receiving my notice and respecting it, but then things took an unexpected turn. She actually looked like she was going to cry. Now, slap me if I’m crazy, but I figured I’d get to see some kind of joyous dance ending in the splits. Luckily I managed to keep my jaw from hitting the floor after seeing her distress at my departure. I can tell you that out of all the confusing and frustrating times at this job, that the half hour I spent talking to her about my departure was the most ridiculous.

She talked about how good I was doing, how proud she was of me, and how she would like to write me a reference letter and help me get a new job.

Uhhhhh….I’m sorry, did I walk into the right office here? Am I dreaming? Come on, there’s got to be a hidden camera somewhere in here.

She even offered to try and help me get a job with the same org. in Vancouver after I told her I was moving. I believe that I had somehow stepped into an alternate reality at that point. I could have pooped myself out of shock.

Then she went into how bad she felt about the age difference between me and the other women here, and how that must have been tough for me.

Naaaah, I love having my arm halfway down into a huge bag of potato chips while everyone else discusses the hidden fats in the crackers they bought. I really do.

Maybe my boss fell off the roof of the shelter and forgot that she was constantly ON MY CASE and criticized me on a regular basis. Maybe she fell on a pile of old rainbows and lollipops and now rides a unicorn to work.

She apologized for being hard on me, and also stated that the job had too many broad expectations, but that she was really happy to have had me in the job.

At this point I pretty much wanted to walk out and tell her to call me when my real boss came back into work.

Either way I guess I have a lead for a job at the same org in Vancouver if I want it, and a letter of recommendation. It’ll probably blow up into fairy dust when I walk out of the building anyway.

It’s Meme Time, Y’all!

Princess Pointful tagged me for this delicious meme, woot!

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

A Blog of a Good Time
Classy & Fancy
[Cherry] Ride / 5of9er
Secrets Unzipped
… and hijinks ensued.

100% Shenanigans

Select five people to tag:

Sorry, I actually did this last and I am too lazy to type out a lot of html, so I invite anyone who would like to, to do this meme!

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Oh man, it was around this time when my best friend threw me a surprise birthday party with BOOOOOOYS! She did a very good job of hiding the party from me because I was completely blown away by all the people at the party. This is the party where I played spin the bottle and “seven minutes in heaven” for the first time. Actually, none of the dudes actually made out with any of the girls. Except this one guy, Brad. We made out and he was making all these noises which were close to the sounds of a pig grunting, which confused me at the time. Later on that year we dated for a week, but I dumped him after he told all his friends that he was thinking of dumping me because I didn’t “put out.” Excuse me, but I am fourteen, who puts out at fourteen?! I barely had boobs, let alone the overwhelming desire to take my pants off at the drop of a hat.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

That was my first summer living with Steve in our new apartment. It was pretty nice! I was working at Big Brothers and Big Sisters with a lot of really great people that were all close to my age. I spent a lot of time at special events, and a lot of driving around to pick up donated auction items. It was also close to one year ago that I got Winston! What a wicked summer!

Five snacks you enjoy:

1) Homemade nachos with salsa and sour cream

2) Cheese and bean burritos

3) plain potato chips

4) cherry tomatoes (this has come onto the list very recently and I have no idea how I have ever lived without them)

5) babybel cheese! OH. MAN.

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1) Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf – My friend Steve R. taught me the words to this after explaining the awesomeness of this song to me during a stats class one morning. This class was particularly fantastic because we would always find a little theme song for that particular day of class. This meatloaf song was later downloaded on my laptop and listened to during an intense group work session in the library.

2) Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go) by Wham! – This song again was brought to you by a team effort of Steve R. and me during a stats class. As you can tell, we were fully focused on our work during that class. This was likely because the prof was a terrible teacher, but a really nice old man. We feel that Wham! is one of the essential bands of the 80s, but that it was really all about George Michael.
3) Informer by Snow – Remember Snow? No? That’s probably for the best. I spent one summer in college attempting to learn the lyrics to this song because no one else in the world would want to.

4) The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Reba McEntire – I’m giving props to this one on my mom for listening to country music ALL THE DAMN TIME when I was young. I can list several country music hits of the 80s and 90s that I know all the words to, including another Reba hit, “Why Haven’t I Heard From You?” This is handy knowledge when you see one of those infomercials for those CD compilations featuring ALL THE CLASSICS YOU LOVE, and by love, they mean love to sing to your boyfriend when he’s trying to read a book.

5) Purple Rain by Prince – My knowledge of this song was instilled upon me at a young age by my sister. I have also retained an extensive knowledge of many other Prince hits including Rasberry Beret, 1999, Let’s Go Crazy, The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, Black Sweat, and many more!
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1) Pay off my student line of credit and then pay off Steve’s student loan.

2) Buy a house

3) Buy a new car

4) Invest half of my money and live off the interest

5) Give my sister the money to pay off her house

Five bad habits:

1. biting my cuticles (bringing me pain since I was nine!)
2. napping, which is more like having a coma for two hours
3. pouring a drink and only drinking half before forgetting where it is
4. putting my purse ANYWHERE but by the door
5. talking to Steve when he’s reading

Five things you like doing:

1) Playing with the puppies! I especially like when I ask if they want to go out for walkies and Winston makes this extremely high-pitched squeal like he’s going to DIE if we don’t go out RIGHT THIS SECOND. I also like it when I’m playing with Zelda and she’s on her back because her little feet look like little feet in dress socks and it’s just about the cutest thing in the world.

2) Shopping. What can I say, I like buying new stuff! I also like going through Value Village and finding a total score.

3) Watching Steve eat a double decker taco from Taco Bell. You’d really need to see him do this to understand it, but he looks like he’s eaten a horse tranquilizer filled with rainbows after he’s taken the first bite.

4) Kicking ass at fighting games. Okay, Steve can beat me, but that’s the first guy to do so!

5) Watching any kind of nature documentary. I really need to own Animal Planet.

Five things you would never wear again:

1) Huge t-shirts with stirrup pants underneath

2) a ponytail on the side of my head

3) What I wore to junior prom

4) Platform running shoes

5) blonde hair and a perm. WTF was I thinking on that one?

Five favorite toys:

1) Winston

2) Zelda (yes, I am counting the dogs)

3) My MacBook

4) My camera

5) Nintendo Wii!

An Open Letter to the Cherry I Just Ate

Dear cherry,

I put you in my mouth expecting deliciousness, and I was instead greeted with the soft green dullness of mold on the cherry counterpart that you were attached to. Quickly, I spat you into my hand and turned you over, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW. YOU WERE MOLDY TOO.
Now I’ve had mold in my mouth, and I’m not too sure what to do about it.
I guess this is what happens when your mom buys you a lug of cherries in Osoyoos while on vacation from a crazy toothless woman strolling the beach.

Love,

LMizzle

Pre-Wedding Photos

So as I said, here are some photos from my friend’s wedding day. Well, okay, these are photos of me, but as soon as I load the other ones you’ll see them!

I took some time out to give Winston and Zelda lots of kisses:
And then Steve and I did a little photo shoot:

I don’t know what it is with us and making the “Warrick” face from CSI, but I think that we think we look like models when we do. Maybe we’re just not “ambi-posers” for serious photos!


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