Archive for October, 2007

Happy Howl-o-ween!

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Sick Day!!!

I am home sick today, and I think you know what that means:

MULTIPLE POSTS!!!

Oh yes, let the fun begin my friends.  After I became obsessed with trying not to catch the cold going around work (otherwise known as THE PLAGUE), I was convinced I had it beat.  I even made everyone put hand sanitizer at their desks!  But no.  The cold finally got me.  That or someone licked my phone receiver because I was maybe one of two people who hadn’t been sick yet.

So first off, as I have just eaten my first half meal of the day, can I just take a second to tell you how crazy delicious cucumber and cream cheese sammiches are?!

 

Frankly, it’s like an angel came down and decided to bestow upon the human race the most simple and delicious little sammich we would ever know.

Um yeah, clubhouse sammiches?  Go eat a bag of dicks, because there’s a new bitch in town and her name is cucumber cream cheese.

Seriously, I had heard about these sammiches before, but I finally got to eat one on the weekend (it was part of a sammich tray at an event I had to work) and I pretty much passed out when I ate it.  Then I ate another.  Then some bitch took the third one and I couldn’t eat anymore of them.  Pfft!

Okay, okay, for those of you who eat meat, this may not be the best sammich, but for those who don’t, this is like putting a freaking cheesecake in between two slices of bread and then adding a dash of HELL YES. 

Can I also just say that I seem to be talking about food a lot on this blog lately?  Do you see the size of the tag that says “Food and Drink” in the sidebar?  It’s pretty much going to take up a whole page worth of space when I am done this post.

So I mean, if I am going to tell you about food, I should put a recipe up, right?

CHEESECAKE BAGEL (otherwise known as the poor man/woman’s cheesecake):

Ingredients:

1 bagel

jam of your choice

package of cream cheese

a knife

Slice bagel and apply generous amount of cream cheese onto both sides.  Apply generous amount of jam of your choice on top of cream cheese.

 BLAM!  Enjoy.  Or should I say, YOU’RE WELCOME.

I lived on these when I lived in Banff.  Well, these and microwave dinners (cooking wasn’t really an option in a dorm kitchen with mice).

So I gave the dogs whipped cream…

And it was pretty much everything I thought it was going to be.

Messy

Funny

Snorty

Barky

Oh the sweet love of driving your dogs crazy with mainly all sugar!

On another doggie note, does anyone know how we can get Winston to roll over?  I put Steve in charge of teaching this to Winston (because he wants to outshine his brother’s new dog at Christmas), but he can’t seem to convince Winston to do it.  We can get him to sit, and then lay down, but I can’t get him to roll onto his hip, and when Steve tries to *lovingly* roll him over, we get this reaction that kind of says, “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME…..ahhh, I am right-side up again.”

We can’t even convince him with food.  FOOD!  THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT WORKS!!!  If he won’t do it for food, I mean, what the hell can we use?  I mean, I waved a $20 bill in front of him, but he didn’t seem to want that either.

Maybe I should show him a photo of a dog in heat??

Cupcakes are like little, delicious dreams!

Oh man.  If there’s one thing I can’t get enough of, it’s cupcakes.  I am actually not a fan of cake itself, but I do enjoy a little, delicious cupcake once in a while.  My favorite thing is making them actually, and I am pretty darn good at making them (making vegan cupcakes, even!)

I am clearly not at this level of cupcake mastery, but holy shit, I love looking at these lovely little masterpieces!  I can make a pretty mean marzipan rose, but I don’t think I have the patience for ten on every cupcake.

Are there any little delicious delights that you delight in?  There are very few foods that I delight in for their aesthetic value, but I could spend all day enjoying a beautiful cupcake.

The Dog Park, Y’all!

Three words: BIG ASS DOG!

Baby Zelda had a blast scootin’ around!

Winston met a little jack russel terrier buddy!

There’s nothing like the ears of a pug flapping like little wings when they run…although it doesn’t seem to make them go any faster…

This boston terrier was pretty fly. She wouldn’t even let anyone throw the ball, she just sat around gloating the whole time.

This is pretty much the expression that Winston makes the whole time we’re at the park.

A lovely little frenchie named Lola.

Winston, looking to the future. So masculine. It’s like he’s in a Calvin Klein ad.

 

On another note, do your dogs go absolutely bat shit crazy after a bath?  I don’t know if its the fact that they just got out of the tub or what, but Winston and Zelda are INSANE after a bath.  It’s like there’s this regular, average level of humping that Winston tries to do on a daily basis to Zelda, but then after a bath he takes it up a notch and pretty much tries to make a porno with her after getting out of the tub.

So this leaves two options…

1) Average, sane dogs that smell

OR

2) Insane dogs that smell nice

Either way, one of them is getting punched.

Punched with love, of course.

I’m Living in The Hills

Well, I had to move blogs.  I figured it was the best thing to do if I just moved blogs because this week I got into a major fight with my best friend of 7 years.

He and his somewhat new girlfriend have kind of been going downhill “personality” wise for the past year.  Things have just been different, and haven’t felt right.

To make a long and painful story short, my best friend and his gal have kind of gone the way of Heidi and Spencer.

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For those of you who don’t know these two asshats, they are probably the world’s craziest couple.  Spencer has complete control of Heidi, and she has basically lost all of her friends because of this douchebag filling her head with insane ideas.  Now, insert a situation like that into my life, but instead of a chick, my best friend was a dude, and his girlfriend seemed to help him go nuts or something.

Anyhow, it finally culminated this week when she accused me of trying to break her and him apart, which is probably the worst accusation anyone has made of me.  I am not a vindictive person, and have always been extremely supportive of their relationship, and then to have someone say something so cruel?  I just can’t deal with that.

My friend has also been getting progressively more negative towards everything.  Like, say you like ponies.  He would likely eat a pony right in front of you from how I’ve seen things demise.

It’s really shitty when a friendship grows apart, but I really thought it time to cut ties, ESPECIALLY after such a ridiculous accusation.  Trust me, if you put Steve and this dude side by side, it would be like comparing diamonds to a turd (I love you, honey!).  If I wanted my best friend to be my boyfriend, I think I could have found time in the last, oh, I don’t know…FEW YEARS to try and make that happen.

So anyway, I told both of them that I don’t want them in my life, and you know I told the girlfriend how terrible what she said was.  I made sure not to swear, and to be civil, which is more than a lot of people would do, but I figure that it’s the higher road considering the crazy rollercoaster this has been.

That’s why I moved spaces though.  I figure that they don’t deserve to know anything happening in my life after what they did.  And you know what?  I think I am much better off.

And we can make sammiches…

Yeah, that’s right, I said “sammiches.”  I like saying “sammich” more than “sandwich.”  Try it, it’s more fun.

“I am going to get myself a SAMMICH.”  It even sounds more delicious!

Anyway, I am here to talk to you about food.  Namely, sammiches (yes, I am referrring to them from here on in as sammiches).

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Look at how gross the above sammich looks.  It does not look appetizing at all.  Now imagine a whole PLATE of these sammiches waiting for you at the lunch table at work.

 Ummm, NO THANK YOU!  I don’t need an assplosion today.

 And before you say, “Damn girl, your work gives you free food?!” let me explain…

So I work for a nonprofit that helps people on the verge of becoming homeless, but who want to help themselves break the cycle of poverty.  We run a little food bank where we get donations in, and then organize them in a little makeshift grocery store, and then people get to have grocery appointments a few times a month to help them save the money they would spend on food, or just get food if they can’t afford it.  The little grocery store lets them feel like they get to actually shop for the stuff they need, rather than handing them a food hamper.

 We get food from all over the place, and we even get grants to buy fresh food (fruit, veggies, meat, bread, etc).  Anyhow, a lot of this stuff is pretty close to expiry, so in an attempt to move the older food out, a volunteer comes in from Tue-Fri to cook a lunch for all the volunteers and staff from the older donated food.

This involves several crazy-ass recipes, and for the most part, though I think it’s great that we are feeding our volunteers and staff, the food that gets cooked isn’t always “good.” and by good, I mean “isn’t always something that doesn’t make me want to hurl because it smells/looks/tastes SO, SO BAD.”

Some of my favorites:

-macaroni and cheese with old wieners that were left out for 48 hours on the counter in the kitchen, and not refrigerated

-macaroni with no sauce, just dill seasoning

-today’s sammich, which involved old bread, questionable bacon, a lot of peppers, what I think was relish, and old cheese.  All questionably fried on a grill, producing the most horrible tasting sammich you could ever imagine.  It’s like if poop pooped, and that poop was used to make a sammich, that’s what it tasted like.

Oh yes, and there was really disgusting potato salad involved as well, but it’s too horrible to think about.

Anyhow, I am going to have to like frame one of these sammiches as a testament for why I need to ALWAYS remember my lunch.


October 2007
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