Posts Tagged 'meds'

Anything you can do, I can do stinkier.

 

This city stinks, as in smells really bad.

I can’t get over how bad some parts of downtown Vancouver smell.  Some of the things I’ve smelled I can’t even figure out because they are these grotesque combinations of so many repulsive smells that it’s hard to even decipher.  You might be asking why I even try to decipher the smells, but really there’s nothing else I CAN do while walking through these wafts of Hell.

Yesterday when I walked to work I’d say about 80% of the time I was trying not to breathe too deeply so that I didn’t inhale too much garbage/poop smell. But really?  Talking about poop smells isn’t that fun, so I shall move to other things.

It’s raining today, which is like a frigging MIRACLE to me.  I want to go dance in the rain.  This is like OPTIMUM temperature now for me.  I can walk home without wanting to die in a pool of sweat, and I can actually sleep with a blanket!  Bring on the blankets and the sweaters!  Maybe I can even start up knitting if it goes cold out here!  I tried knitting in heat and it was really a NO GO.  The thought of touching wool was making me ill!

Also?  The sammich I am eating is gross.  Though, a lot of food is gross to me right now.  It’s because of the meds, so I am basically trying to cram a titload of food into my system so that I don’t, you know, DIE of starvation.  I think I was up at around midnight on the weekend thinking, “what did I eat today?” and I basically had only eaten one burrito and some crackers and cheese.  It wasn’t even a fancy burrito, it was just a crappy frozen one!  I was like, hmm, I’ve eaten like 500 calories….no wonder I feel like ASS.  I’ve managed to lose 2 pounds though, so I dunno, that’s pretty cool.  I put on some shorts from last year that were tight at the beginning of the summer, and I’m all like, “Heeeey, check it out, there’s space in my shorts for a hamburger!”  

I’m currently trying to figure out how to actually grocery shop effectively.  I think they should teach you this in school, because frankly my grocery shopping varies so much that in one go I can spend like $190, but at the end of two weeks there’s like ZERO food in the apartment.  I can’t even tell if that’s a lot of money for 2 weeks for 2 people?  Is it?  Shit.  I have no idea.  I’m going to try and up the “super good for you” veggies, and maybe even pick up a veggie cookbook or something.

I read an article on the BBC or MSN or some other acronym website I can’t remember  that was talking about being able to eat vegan for $7 a day, to which I basically spat at my computer.  How is that possible?!  I read on and they explained a week of meals, some of which said that you should eat eggs and potatoes for lunch.  WHAT?  Eggs and potatoes?!  What kind of a shit-ass lunch is that?!  And when do you put eggs and potatoes together, except at breakfast?!  And HOW do I take eggs and potatoes to work for lunch?!  Am I supposed to scramble an egg and like, boil a potato?  That sounds like a TERRIBLE lunch.  I think they should have titled the article “How to eat really plain food and have no fun on $7 a day.”

My cloudy, cloudy noodle…

I’m pretty sure this whole Cipralex thing has turned out to be a bad idea. Over the past two weeks I’ve noticed myself unable to concentrate more and more. It’s like I am floating farther and farther out into space. I’m headachy a lot now, which is something that happened on Effexor as well, so I guess that’s just par for the course when you’re dealing with medication for your noodle.

I don’t like that I am so lightheaded though. I can’t seem to do anything unless I have headphones on, or else there has to be VERY STILL SILENCE. That doesn’t really help when I have to answer the phone at work, and you know, work in an open loft office with 4 other people.

There’s got to be something out there that will help me though. I think it’s time to head back to the doctor. The last time I was there, the doc gave me three months of cipralex and said if it was bad, to come back. It’s been two months, more than enough time to see if this stuff will work for me, and I just feel so cloudy and I am making little mistakes at work that I am not happy about. I’m in a pretty okay mood for the most part, but I still feel anxious, and I can’t get my thoughts under control. Mind you, they aren’t as out of control as when I am unmedicated, but I can still tell that they are constantly interrupting my daily process.

I would be pretty damn happy at this point if I didn’t have to take any medication, as really, when you think about it, I am messing with my brain chemistry! I mean, it’s a good thing they have medication, but I wish I could feel okay, be able to think clearly, and be able to concentrate…is that too much to ask?!

Even as I sit here typing this, I feel like I am sitting inside a sleeping bag with a pillow on my head. Try to do work like that! Well, hopefully I’ll have good news by the end of the week, and a new perscription.


June 2017
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