Archive for September, 2008

I shall choke all the Customer Service Reps I Can Grab

I can’t remember how many customer service reps I’ve talked to within the last 3 hours, but I’d like them all to take a fork to the eye.  I think I’ve spent more time on hold than I’ve actually spent speaking to someone.  Now I’m feelin’ kind of stabby.

I’m gonna do my best to post once each weekday next month, even though I suppose I’m just a little early for NaPoBloMo in November.  I’ve been too sparse, and we all like to have a little bit to read at work, don’t we?

Today the government finally released the “National Do Not Call List” registration, and hot damn did I get right on that list.  I can’t stand telemarketers!  I couldn’t even stand calling people when I worked for charities!  Okay, charities aren’t included, but I’m pretty sure anyone who has had to do a job where you have to try and “sell” things to people, you just get abused on the phone all day.  Can we just go our separate ways?!  A divorce from solicitation phone calls?


Speaking of solicitation, I saw quite the pantless hooker last night…IN YALETOWN.  Come on now, in Yaletown they pay for fancy hookers, or “Escorts” as the *classier* of the John’s would call them.  Which, I think I saw one waiting for a dude the other day in the lobby.  Man, the sex workers are thriving with lubricants in Vancouver!  Anyhooker, the “lady of the night” that I saw, was wearing a leather jacket, cropped white top, and panties.  Did I forget pants?  NO!  THERE WEREN’T ANY!  And to top it off, she was workin’ it outside of a Staples Business Depot.  Niiiiiiiiiice.

I cannot brain today, I has the dumb

I’m having one of those moments right now where I can feel my brain has packed it in for today.  No more thinking.  I cannot brain today.  I has the dumb.

It’s probably because I watched a good 2 hours of Paranormal State, and then was woken up by Winston barking at 4am, and then i couldn’t get back to sleep because I was scared from watching that damn show!  Why do I do this to myself?  I have no idea.  I honestly eat shows like that up in the daytime, and then they scare the living crap out of me at night!  I probably should just stop watching them all together, but really, I probably won’t.  I look forward to wearing diapers to bed so that when I shit myself in fear, there will be less cleanup.

I had another sort of moment today.  It was one of those moments when you look in the mirror after 4 hours of work and then realize that your hair is 1) terrible today and 2) lopsided!  Why oh why didn’t I bring my tiny hairspray to work???  Or an elastic???  Oh well.

And no, I will not put a rubber band in my hair.  Holy shit, have you ever done that?  I have done it a few times in moments of desperation, but that is like the LAST RESORT for a woman.  I’d rather try and twirl my hair into a little mess that can be fastened with a pen than use a rubber band.  Maybe it’s because the individual strands of my hair are so slim, but they get all tangled.  I am going to venture a guess that any woman who has had long hair has at least used a rubber band for their hair once.  I shudder to think of those times!

Let’s celebrate Friday with some terrible album covers.


Yay!  Zelda is TWO today, so in celebration, let us admire this outrageously annoying glitter graphic of her:

Edit Photos

World’s Most Haunted Workplaces!

So I’m pretty sure that the building manager for the place I work is haunting our floor.  Seriously.  We need to get Paranormal State on this shit.  Does anyone else watch that show?  Christine, I’m looking at you!

Anyway, two Wednesdays ago our building manager passed away, and since then we’ve had two very bizarre Wednesdays over here where the lights in the hallway flicker, and stop.  And they only do it on Wednesdays so far.  Seriously.  It’s Wednesday, and LO AND BEHOLD!  Major light flickering.

This guy got into a major accident on MY BIRTHDAY (even spookier), and he died exactly two weeks ago.  

One of my bosses pointed out the flickering and was like, “I think it’s John! AAAAAH!” and now I am watching the hallway like a hawk!  I want to just stand in the hallway and gently whisper, “John…..?  Is that you?” but I’d probably crap myself if anything happened.  That might be okay though because the flickering lights are right in front of the bathroom.  TOTALLY SPOOKY.

Plus, this is a heritage site building, so this building is totally old.  And probably, TOTALLY HAUNTED.

Quick! Break out the heat sensor cams and the holy water! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Video Call Time!

So I had a video conversation with my friend, Blondie tonight, and she found a way to take screen captures during our conversation.  I had no idea how to do this to her, and as such, we just get to look a ridiculous pictures of me by myself!


And just for good measure, here’s some other photos I saw while I was cleaning files off my computer:

I should have gotten these glasses, no?

Look at the sweet jowls on my dog. Awesome.  So stretchy.  So good.

The difference between making a pug look gorgeous…

and maybe not so gorgeous in photographs…


Not so good:


I still love the bottom one, but he doesn’t even look like the same dog!

Feet and Shoes


I’ve got fat feet.  The rest of me isn’t wide by any means, but my poor feet are pretty darn fat.  That, or my bones are totally messed up.  I have feet that are, by shoe standards, ridiculously wide for a lady.  Which sort of makes me feel like I have man feet!  Though they don’t look like man feet.  Just sayin’.

Then I have these high arches that don’t translate well to heels that are made of stiff leather.  My arch is actually so high that i have to usually buy one size up so that I can jam my freaky feet into a boot.  And yes, the boot is unzipped.  And yes, I have tried a shoehorn.  My crazy-ass feet are so arched that all the pressure in a heel goes to my big toes.

Then there’s my poor bunion on my left foot.  My mom had a bunion and had to have surgery!  And then there’s me and my foot.  In college I had this pair of black flat boots that I am pretty sure are the cause of my poor bunion.  Strange how a pair of flats managed to kill my feet.  Sigh.

Then I had a pair of flats in college that I wore during my time in Banff, and they messed up my poor pinkie toe on my right foot!  All because my feet are seriously too wide for ridiculously thin women’s shoes.  Aw.

I don’t know anyone who has actually complained about women’s shoes before who had somewhat normal feet, you know?  It’s all these people who are either extremely overweight, or other people who are basically missing a toe or something.

Does anyone else have problems with women’s shoes?  Some of them are so thin in width I don’t know if anyone could get their foot in the shoe without cutting off their pinky, and the associated bones just to get the shoe ON!

For instance, I am currently wearing a pair of flat Oxford shoes, and I can feel my poor feet throbbing at the knuckles ever so slightly because my feet are wider than these shoes, thus making all my toe bones jam together.

Actually, I  ought to just get rid of those pesky pinky toes.  What have they done for me lately?  I’ll tell you what: NOTHING.  Though they are so darn cute!  Maybe I’ll just get rid of a middle toe– no one cares about the middle toes!

You’re doing it wrong!

I was thinking about the age-old question I asked maybe a month or so ago of whether you bunch or fold your tp.  Then someone brought it up at work and I started to think that an even better question is whether you put the tp roll on so that the sheet comes OVER the top, or UNDER the bottom.
These are absolutely the most simple things that cause insane amounts of chaos when people disagree, especially if they live together.
I just assumed my whole life that the roll went over.  Whenever someone put it on the other way, I assumed that they did it wrong, so I would correct it and put it on so it was back to being over.
Then I met someone who was bent on putting the roll UNDER.  It was like talking to someone from bizzaro-land, where everything is backwards.
I’m trying to understand the physics behind why putting the roll on under would be better to putting it on over?
When the roll is over I feel like I have more control over the sheets I get.  If it’s under, I feel like I’ve got to manhandle the roll to get the right amount of paper off.
This is one of those situations similar to not putting the cap on toothpaste, or, for that matter, putting the cap on and *gasp* not wiping the extra toothpaste off the cap!

I am not a wiper-of-toothpaste, but I will say that I can see where the wipers are coming from, because you’re saving yourself the issue later of having to try and wipe the cap off with a piece of tp, only to remember that toothpaste pretty much GLUES itself to tp and then you’ve got a toothpaste AND tp problem happening.  I don’t know a good way to even deal with that.  Automatically I grab tp or a tissue to wipe the tube, and ALWAYS I end up with a ripped piece of tp stuck to the opening.  I never think to just finger the crap off the side, because for whatever reason I don’t want to actually touch the toothpaste with my hand.
As if the worst thing in the bathroom is toothpaste.  I think NOT!  Plenty of other poopy-related things happen in the bathroom that are much worse than toothpaste goo.

Zero Consumption

As of this Saturday I will have made it through one month of not buying a single item of clothing.  ZERO!  I didn’t even cheat and buy say, jewelry.  Literally I have purchased nothing but essentials.  This coming after several months of buying SEVERAL things a week.  Good for me!
The crap thing is that I’ve had to pay bills, and my landlady had taken rent out twice in July, thus effing up my spending.  I got her to not take out August rent, but I’ve been paying bills, and sigh, really I am left with no more money than usual as it stands.  Boo!  
I plan on keeping up with this though, and really evaluating what I actually need in my wardrobe compared to what I “want” because those are two different things!
I did realize that I don’t own any sort of flat shoe that will cover the top of my feet and keep them warm.  I thought that was pretty weird considering I own many, MANY pairs of shoes.  So perhaps this month I will get a pair of reasonably priced shoes.  That will be my purchase.  But that ought to be it other than say, a cardigan?  I love cardigans.  Drape me in cardigans!  I would wear a cardigan every day if it were feasible. 
Anyway, enough about cardigans and shoes.
Hopefully I will be able to pay off the old credit card in a reasonable amount of time.  Really, if I wanted to look back on what I managed to buy compared to what I use, that’s a pretty depressing thought!  I just want to pay it all off and be done with it, because I will certainly have a lot more money if I can just pay the credit card OFF.  COMPLETELY.  Damn interest.  I hate interest.  However, in my own interest I have changed my card to a low interest option, so I won’t get absolutely raped at the bank.  Hopefully that will help.  In a year I should be debt free. GOD WILLING.
So I will continue on my “do not buy anything” front, and maybe try and go 2 months and make it to October without buying anything except that pair of shoes I need.  Because my feets are cold! 

September 2008
282930 collective fashion consciousness.