Posts Tagged 'bodily functions'

Dear pretty much all at-home wax kits

You kill me.  I attempted three different kinds of you, and managed to make my poor armpits BLEED, and guess what?  You didn’t take any effing hair off of my pits.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WALK AROUND WITH HAIRY ARMPITS?!  Agh.

Maybe I should get a proffessional in here to deal with my pits.  I really thought I could just take care of it myself, because there’s only like ten hairs per pit, but no!  I bleed, I try many kits, and the hair remains!  Oh trusty razor, you will never let me down.

I attempted the legs as well, and that went OKAY.  Not great, but okay.  Maybe waxing my own body isn’t my thing?

Also, one of the dogs peed ON THE COUCH.  AGAIN.  What the shit, dogs?!  Looks like I might have to get a scat mat or something.  I bought them some new toys, including a new busy buddy, but no!  They peed on the sofa a little bit when Steve and I went to Costco on an over-sized adventure.  Which, by the way?  Costco is amazing.

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Shhhhh!

I am at work early, so I can say hi to all of you!

Hi!

I’d also like to take a moment and tell you how sweaty I get from walking to work.  I’ve never walked to work, so now the act of walking briskly for 20 min in the morning to get here makes me sweat.  Then it takes me 20 min to return to a normal temperature.  Then I get cold.  You’d think being part German would maybe adapt me to cold, but for some reason, unless it is over 25 degrees, I am almost always cold.  What’s worse though than coming to work and sitting with sweaty pits from a brisk workout?!  Blah!  I actually needed to dab off with a tissue yesterday (my forehead, that is)!  I should just run into the office and dump the water cooler on myself when I get here.

I would have thought maybe I wouldn’t sweat so much after three weeks, but apparently this will be going on for quite a while….mmmm, who wants to rub up against me?  Anyone???

Also, the dogs have been barfing, and I can’t quite figure out what exactly is keeping them on the barf train.  I was giving them some of those really crunchy freeze dried liver treats or whatever the hell they are…I think they’re called Barking Mad?  Anyhow, since my dogs don’t like to, you know, CHEW, they ended up barfing because the liver thing isn’t digesting because they SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.  I feel bad enough when I eat a chip that I haven’t chewed enough.  You know what I’m talkin’ about!  When you don’t chew it enough and it drags like a rusty razor blade down your esophagus.  Shit, I don’t even like to talk about it.  That’s how much that sucks.  Anyhow, think of swallowing a chip that’s about 5 times as thick without chewing.  HOW DO DOGS DO THAT?!  Crazy bastards.

Zelda threw up on the sofa, which leads me even further into wanting a leather couch, so at least then I can hose it off!  Luckily, Steve found out that someone is renting a steam cleaner in the building, to which I think I heard angels singing out on high.  I figure I ought to just steam clean the whole effing apartment.  You know, make the most of the rental!

Oh the pain of it all

I have indigestion.  Oh Lord, I have indigestion.

 WHAT DID I EAT?!

 I can’t even relay the bathroom experience I just had because it is THAT gruesome.  It’s like I ate a burger off the street!

In other news, it’s my second last day of work!  Yahoo!  Next I will have a few days off to recover from the old job and then start the new one!  Yay!  I am pretty excited about this new job, and I even bought a book on how to work more effectively and efficiently to help me get organized.

That’s one thing you’ll notice about my workspace.  There is paper everywhere.  I can’t seem to file my own projects well, but with everything else, I have a place, and it gets filed.  Why only my stuff?  I do this at home, too!  I put Steve’s stuff away, but my stuff is sort of all over the place.  I daily find myself cleaning up all the stuff I have scattered all over the apartment.  I even gave myself a hook for my keys, and do you think I manage to put them on the hook?  No way! 

I also have a nice working pile of post it notes everywhere.  I don’t think its really the best way to be organized, but it reminds me to do things that I might otherwise forget.  I think…

 Oh yes, and I talked to the doggy helper people and they actually charge a pretty reasonable price to come visit you, your dog, help you devise a plan, and then work out the problems the dog has.  I’d like to hopefully get that going in the next two weeks, and maybe I’ll try sliding Winston’s barking problem in there too so I don’t have to pay double…hmmmm…


October 2017
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