Posts Tagged 'Fashion'

Mah Boots and Mah Gloves at Mah Desk!

Guys, what the deuce, I am wearing gloves at work. And big-ass boots, and a scarf and sweater. Does this scream “unnecessary” to anyone else? Ah yes, but that would require it to actually be a NORMAL TEMPERATURE in here. Which it isn’t. It’s freezing. And the bathroom has no heat, which means that I pee in mere SECONDS so that I don’t have to spend a moment more on the cold porcelain.
I don’t mind winter, but when things aren’t at a regular temperature to keep you warm, I start to think about lighting garbage can fires and maybe even lighting myself on fire just to melt the ice on my eyelashes.
Overdramatic? Yes! But still, it’s so cold I’m wearing gloves and it’s not that easy to type with gloves on. Hell, I’ve even got a space heater on my feet!!! And I am STILL cold!
I also busted a giant crack down the sole of one of my beloved boots, so I bought this stuff called “Shoe Goo” on the weekend in a feeble attempt to fix the problem. Little did I know that I had literally cracked the bottom of the boot right in half! There’s pretty much no going back now. It’s unsalvageable. And no, I can’t get them re-soled because that would cost more than the boots! They are vintage boots from Brazil, so I think I was pushing it in the Winter months. Ah well! I just hate shelling out money for stuff like that when you love it and then it wears out.
Lord, sometimes I even wear this cardigan that I love that has two holes in the front. I can’t give it up! I’m just going to assume someone else does this once in a while as well so that I don’t feel so gross!
Also, I remember shoes being like $120 for a GOOD pair when I was in high school, now all the good pairs are like $200-$300! Ack! Bye bye money, I’ll always remember you!

Tangle Jangle

This weekend consisted of two things.  Me finding out I had a hole in my favorite pair of jeans, and then me realizing that my hair is returning to a tangled mess.  I don’t know how to solve either of these!
Basically I’ve gone to about 15 stores looking for jeans.  I just want relatively skinny jeans that aren’t ridiculously expensive.  I must have tried on 10 pairs of pants, and only one was close to fitting, but it said, “CAUTION: The colour on these pants may bleed onto other fabric.”  What?!  I’ve had this happen on the odd occasion, but I’ve never received a warning in advance.  Why would they do this?  There wasn’t anything mentioned about the dye helping them fade properly, like you’d see with raw denim.  Maybe I’m just too cheap to shell out for “premium” denim.  Oh wait, I AM.  I even went to Old Navy, but they don’t have any skinny jeans.  WHYYYYY?  
Ok, let’s get real, I own a pair of blak jeans, and then tow pairs of wide leg jeans, and then a pair of straight leg jeans.  I’m sure I could survive.  The skinny jeans are the old steadfast, but I cannot find a pair in sight.  
There happens to be a store by my work that sells only jeans. Very good news.  However, I believe their pants START at $100 and go up to $800.
“I’ll have your finest pair of your cheapest jeans, please!” I am so refined.
Okay, I am willing to go upwards of $120 for a REALLY, REALLY amazing pair of jeans, but if I don’t have to, I don’t want to.  At least not right now.  Because your clothing wearing out right before Xmas?  SUCKS. Excuse me while I go put on my barrel dress with rope suspenders.
And then we come back to my never-ending hair issues.  TANGLES!  WILL THE MADNESS END?!  I thought I struck gold with this crazy Burt’s Bees shampoo/conditioner combo, but over the last two weeks it’s been crazy tangle madness.  All-natural shampoo/conditioner has been nice though.  I feel like I’ve got some kind of buildup or something?  Buildup and tangles?  Mmmm yeah, I am making myself sound REAL nice and classy.
I can’t find kids detangling shampoo anywhere near me.  Are there no kids in downtown Vancouver?  Are there no tangles?!  WHAT’S GOING ON?!?!? I plan on scouring the city until I detangle my damn hair.  You know what works?  That stuff you use after you dye your hair.  Why do they not sell bottles of this?!  Is it so I’ll keep dying my hair?  I have never found something that has worked as well, and I’ve tried a bajillion brands of conditioner.
I have too much time on my hands.

Needle and Thread

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about sewing, and that I ought to get back in the habit.  but first!  I must get a sewing machine!  Or, a new one that is.  I took sewing classes from grade 7-12, so I did it for 6 years, but after high school, there weren’t any random sewing classes in college, so I just stopped.  

Well, I stopped sewing with the guide of a teacher.  I think I may have done some lame alterations on my own.  And that was with a suuuuuper old sewing machine that belonged to my grandma.  It was so old it didn’t have a foot pedal, it had a sort of outer thigh bar that you had to press with your leg. Hers was the only sewing machine I’ve ever seen like it.  It wasn’t a bad machine, but it was VERY, VERY heavy.  So no thanks.  I think I left it in Calgary?  Or my mom has it? Or maybe it got up and walked away?

I thought it might be fun to make some skirts and shirts, but I haven’t sewn in so long that I don’t know if I should really invest in it?  I mean, it’s probably good to have a sewing machine.  And I can make one kick ass pillow, let me tell you!  Squares ahoy!  And I can do one mean invisible stitch by hand.  

I guess I’m just sort of “meh” to all the clothing I’ve seen lately, and to the ridiculous prices for simple garments.  I’m all like, “I could do that, pfft! Get me a sewing machine and fabric and let’s do this!”

It doesn’t help that there’s basically NO ROOM in our apartment though, and I doubt the dogs would take kindly to the sound of a sewing machine without trying to attack it.  

What’s a girl to do?!

Ten minutes!

Bah! I have ten minutes to post!

In honour of me currently watching the Shopping Channel, let’s make a quick rundown of my top five items currently for sale on the Shopping Channel:

Mmmmm, yeah, green Birkenstocks with a horse on them. They are fucking beautiful.

The Joan Rivers Makeup Collection:

Yeah. I’m sure she hasn’t had any work done. Why not buy makeup from a woman whose face is made out of virgin pig skin? Get out your credit cards! I couldn’t even cut the whole damn photo from the website. Joan River’s magical powers are keeping me from her full promotional banner.

Or how about 14K gold Tiger drop earrings?

One word: barf meow.

Mmmmm, maybe some Rhonda panties:

Rhonda left all her lace boxer briefs for you to buy. Complete with penis flap.

And maybe pair your Rhonda panties with a nice blu blocker sun visor:

This BluBlocker visor is detailed with an oversized panel TO THE MAX that helps protect your eyes and face and from ANYONE TALKING TO YOU. Stay out of the way of UVA, UVB and ME wearing this great visor.

And basically, you could combine all this stuff into ONE OUTFIT.

You’ll be thanking me later when you surprise your spouse with this inspiring combination of high quality items from the Shopping Channel.

The Highs and Lows of High Heels

You know the women.  The ladies that wear 4″ heels and are actually WALKING home from work.  I’m basically thinking these ladies are robots, because no one I know is able to do this without excruciating amounts of pain.  

Maybe they’re just doing it because it’s a bit of a pain in the arse to lug around some flats, and sure, legs look better in a heel.  But for me?  Heels are sort of a special thing either only worn at work, or on a very short trip somewhere (preferably when a cab is involved).
I may just be the odd one out because I have a bunion on my tootsie, but I really can’t walk very far in a heel.  I also see photos all the time on Wardrobe Remix of chicks just walking around in heels. 
Maybe I just need new feet, eh?  Like, feet transplants.  Some nice, thin feet.  
You know what else burns my grill?  How heels are so very clearly NOT set up for arch support.  Would it really hurt the shoe companies to just chuck a little padded arch support?  Or maybe that wouldn’t help in a 4″ high heel?  Would it?  I’d like to think it would, and then I could prance around in heels all day long.
Sometimes I see girls walking in heels and they just look so ridiculously out of place and uncoordinated that it makes me wonder what I look like!  Am I walking around pointing my toes really far in when I walk?  Or am I pointing my feet outward like a duck?  I’ve tried to catch a glimpse of myself walking in the reflection of bus shelter ads, so I think I’m doing okay.  I haven’t rolled an ankle yet either, which is good news!
So I checked Wikipedia, and apparently high heels were first popular among men.  Wouldn’t all the men of the world like to know this.  Go tell your husbands, boyfriends, and then make them walk a block in a pair of heels and see how they USED to live!
The wikipedia entry also had a list:

Reasons for not wearing high-heels include:

  • they can cause foot pain
  • they can create foot deformities, including hammertoes and bunions
  • they can cause an unsteady gait
  • they can shorten the wearer’s stride
  • they can render the wearer unable to run
  • altered forces at the knee caused by walking in high-heels may predispose to degenerative changes in the knee joint
  • Women who wear high heels frequently have a higher incidence of degenerative joint disease of the knees. This is because they cause a decrease in the normal rotation of the foot which puts more rotation stress on the knee
  • Podiatrists often comment that 75 percent of their business is caused by females wearing tall high heeled shoes.
  • But oh yes, there is also a positive list:
  • Reasons for wearing high-heels, which are almost exclusively aesthetic, include:
  • they change the angle of the foot with respect to the lower leg, which accentuates the appearance of calves
  • they change the wearer’s posture, requiring a more upright carriage and altering the gait in what is considered a seductive fashion
  • they make the wearer appear taller
  • they make the legs appear longer
  • they make the foot appear smaller
  • they make the gluteal muscles more defined while wearing tight pants
  • they make the wearer look flexibly strong


Is it just me, or does the list of reasons for wearing heels make you want to go put on some heels?

Fashions fade, style is eternal

After being so fashionable for so long (it’s hard work!), I managed to get in a book on world style!  Let us all bask in the glory of my photo spread:

It’s in this book:
And you can buy it HERE, but it’s not available until January I believe.
I don’t know why they chose this particular shot, but whatever, I like this outfit.  Notice the episode of Family Guy in the background as well as Zelda’s laser pug eyes.  You think they’d get one of my properly lit photos, but whatever, I’m in a book, so I’ll stop with the complaining.
I’ve been trying to pair down and work on owning items that would all go rather well together so that I can mix and match.  This is why I haven’t bought anything but a black dress in about two months now.  My closet is EXPLODING with clothing, and I’m sure I could work it down to a smaller wardobe, like oh, NORMAL people have.  I’ve gotten rid of bags and bags of stuff, too, but my laundry piles remain.  I guess it’s a weird time of year where we all transition from Summer to more Winter-esque items anyway.  
On the storage front, I want to get one of those vacuum storage bags that you suck all the air out of!  i want to see how small I can get a pile of my clothing!  Does anyone have one of these?  i want to see what kinds of things I can stuff in to this space-aged bag!  Clothing, shoes…people?!   Hell, my whole apartment would probably fit in a bag.  

Hmmmm, just sayin…

So, just in case you think I’m wearing hooker skirts, I wanted to clarify and show you that this was the dress I was wearing (above).  Yes, this isn’t me, but I bought this dress off etsy and it pretty much fits exactly the same on me as it does on this chick.  Anyhow, I am now in turmoil because I’m wondering if my next purchase should be a size larger???  This is the other one I’m gonna get:

Oh to be a girl with fashion problems.  I think if I buy a large (which, hi I’m only a size 4-6 so uhhh????), that it might look like a sack on me?

Plus, I don’t want to flash a panty shot at anyone, especially when it gets nicer out and I actually go out without a knee length jacket….



I have just discovered and atrocity for the ages!!!

My bacon scarf idea has been STOLEN!!! Someone out there is now selling a bacon scarf like they invented it!


They must be stopped!!!


Clearly if you look at my post date of October 2006, we can all see that I clearly had the bacon scarf idea first.  Perhaps I am owed some kind of bacon royalties???

What it feels like for a girl

I am such a girl that last night I had a dream I was shopping.  Like actually browsing and then buying things.  If only I could score such sweet things and bring them to real life, then I’d have it made!

I’ve been wearing heels the past few days, which is a change from walking around in my emu boots not giving a shit about whether or not my footwear is “business appropriate,” because I don’t see anyone all day.  As of this Friday, I will be alone upstairs in my building!  Break out the sweatpants!  Blech, I am kidding, I couldn’t bring myself to wear sweats.

I don’t know if it happened like this for the rest of you, but did you just one day “get” how to walk in high heels?  I remember trying on my mom’s shoes when I was little and walking around thinking about how crazy it must feel to walk on a stick all day.  Then I became a teenager and those runners with the heel were in, so I guess that was my first “heel” on a shoe, and boy what an ugly shoe it was!  I can’t even find a photo of them on the internet.  Do you know why?  Because we’d all like to pretend they never happened.

I don’t think I actually tried walking in real high heels until I had my job at the YWCA, and before that I had gone through a good six years of boycotting any type of heel. 

I bought some wedges, and those served as really sturdy training wheels, and then one day I bought a nice pair of black shoes…that were one day eaten by a certain someone, and I’ll give you one guess who…

I put those heels on and just “got it.”  For the first time in my life I was actually wearing a heel of average height (3 or 4″) and I COULD WALK IN THEM.  I don’t know about you, but that was likely a very defining moment in my life as a woman, when I could finally join the forces of all those women deliciously clicking their tiny heel on the ground as they walked from office to office.  And isn’t that the quintessential noise that you recognize as distinctly female?  It says power, it says feminine, and I think it says you paid your dues in the shoe world to walk in them.

How awesome does it feel to put on a skirt and heels and say, LOOK OUT, BITCHES, HERE I COME.  I love it.

Fashion! (turn to the right)

It’s time for another self-esteem filled critique of others!  Since I went through the ringer in my second interview, I feel all exposed. Get this: They wanted me to show emotion, so they got me to talk about pets I’ve had, and why I love animals…and you know what happened?  I CRIED.  I cried in a Goddamn interview!  I was literally tearing up as I spoke about how much I loved my dogs and all the animals I’ve had in my life, and how much their companionship has meant to me, and then they were like, “Yes, that was what we were looking for.”  Then they got me to pretend that they were donors, and to try and get money for the org. I work for currently (which, hi, I wouldn’t reccomend that).  So I went on a long rant about North Vancouver and how there’s so many poor and desitute people out here but no one sees it, and it’s the human interactions that count blah blah (I just but the blah blah because it was a good five minute convincing session, not because I don’t care) and then the woman who was interviewing me said, “Oh my God, I need a minute, that almost made me cry!”  So all around it was this crying session interview, and I don’t know what to think of that, because normally you’re supposed to be professional in an interview, but the more I think about it, the more I really should show more emotion, because really, that’s why I got into it.  Because these causes move my heart.  But hi, when you cry in an interview, that doesn’t say fun.  I left feeling like I had gotten naked and done a dance, or had tried to awkwardly make out with one of the two people interviewing me, only to be rejected.  You know?  That stomach turning, painful, embarassed feeling.  I guess if they wanted emotion though, they sure as hell got it. 

 Anyhow, enough work talk for now, because frankly, there are too many people committing fashion crimes out there to ignore!

Exhibit A:  The garbage bag dress

Or at least, that’s what this looks like.  What woman walks out of the house and thinks that a sac is going to be super trendy?

I guess there’s just a big-ass trend going on in Europe right now, because I’m seeing a lot of big-ass pieces in wardrobes…such as the big-ass infinity scarf:

It looks like she’s wearing an elephant’s ear on her neck. 

And the infamous Hammer Pant:

Try and do the typewriter in those shoes!

But then there are people who I think are doing a good job and taking some good risks that are really fun:

Hotness, hotness, hotness.  I don’t know how she’s walking in this, but it looks good!

And in honor of Valentine’s Day, I am going to let this one slide:

And after a more thorough look at Face Hunter, I can’t find anyone else who has dressed in a reasonable way lately…yikes!

July 2020
262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.