Posts Tagged 'oddities'

I don’t see it, but apparently someone out there does…

Have you ever heard of a Santa fetish?  Okay, Steve and I were talking like a month ago and he predicted that there are people out there with a Santa fetish, which frankly…um…GROSS.

And I’m not even talking like this:

We’re talking this:

or maybe more realistically, this:

Mmmm, doesn’t that look crazy delicious?

I just happened to have had breakfast with Santa at my work on Saturday morning (he was making a guest appearance) and he said that he’s had a few older women on his lap that have suggested that he’d get pretty dirty going down the chimney, and that he might need to take a hot shower with them to get all the soot off.

Seriously, hearing that come out of Santa’s mouth was like seeing a fish walk on land.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  WHERE IS MRS. CLAUS???

 It’s no longer, “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus,” but more like, “I saw mommy forcefully accosting Santa Claus…”

Wow, that is so sexy

So I mean, just because I am trying to figure all the jumbles of my own life out doesn’t mean I am a humourless turd!  In fact, I seem to find a lot of things to laugh at.  Like how someone just barked downstairs, but you know what?  I am not going down there to find out who barked.  I am just going to enjoy the fact that I work somewhere where someone thinks it’s okay to bark in the lobby.

Anyhow, I was minding my own business earlier today, when I hear some volunteer come upstairs and say to another male volunteer this little gem:

“Where’s the SEXretary?  I am looking for the SEXretary, aren’t there any ladies up here?”

Then, because the man he’s talking to likely has never even HAD sex, so he just looks at him blankly.

 Then he realizes that YES INDEED, there are in fact TWO ladies upstairs, and both are about twenty years younger, and twenty years less smelly than he is! 

He never did make a SEXretary comment again during our conversation on window coverings.  I’d like to think he was just too caught up in all the sexiness that comes with volunteer work, or maybe smelling like oil.  Either way, things just got a lot more sexy…..

 Who am I kidding, no they didn’t!  Barf!


June 2017
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