Posts Tagged 'pugs'

Probably the weirdest thing ever.

I looked at Winston as he walked towards the door and he somehow got pizza sauce on his taint! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Okay, I was eating pizza, so it didn’t just come out of nowhere, but seriously, how does pizza sauce end up on anyone’s taint?

This is truly a mystery for the ages.

Oh youtube, you’ve done it again

Pregnant Pug Video (sorry, I couldn’t embed it!)

I can’t get enough of this video of a pregnant pug. Her name is Zelda! Obviously the owner has good taste. I just like that the pug is all, “OMG, I am SO pregnant. I AM FULL OF PUPPIES, GUYS. SOMEONE GET ME SOME ICE CREAM.”

So great. It makes me wish that I could have let Zelda and Winston have adorable little pugs, but then I’d get sued or something by Zelda’s crazy breeder, and really, I like my money where I can see it, in my closet (or makeup bag for that matter).

I remember when both the pups were so small, ADORABLE. For instance, baby Zelda:

Why can’t they stay puppies for a long time?! They grow up so fast! *sniff*

Picture from the park


Tissue and Leaves

I feel like one big, giant germ.  It’s like I am emitting some sort of disgusting pheromone that keeps people away.  No one wants to come near you when you’re sick!  And I’m even on the mend!  I think everyone at work things I am on the verge of dying or something, so they really don’t come over to my side of the room.  Pfft, their loss, I am over here chillin’ with a mountain of tissues and an empty cup from Starbucks, yo!  Party over here!  I’m also coughing all over everything on my desk, and I know how much people love being a part of that.
I sort of feel like I am leaving a film all over everything I touch.  Like one of the Slerm slugs.  If you want to know where I’ve been all day, follow the trail of boogers!
Anyway, onto things other than germs.  I feel like I could tell you guys a poop story every day of the year.  I don’t know what it is with bathrooms and me.  It’s like we have this never-ending relationship where the bathroom won’t stop calling me and I’m all like, “bathroom, we went on one date, stop buying me stuff and showing up at my house uninvited.”  Or maybe that was someone I dated.  They both fit.  Anyway, I show up for my morning potty break and the ladies potty is locked, so whatever, I unlock the mens (there’s only one toilet in each room), but as I unlock the mens, I smell a grotesque smell coming from one of the bathrooms.  I step back and wonder if some lady is pooping out a pumpkin from a few days ago, but no, as I get the men’s door unlocked I am slapped with what can only be described as acid bathed anus.  And my nose is partially plugged!  Can you imagine what would have become of me had I been smellin’ free and easy?!  I don’t wan to think about it.  Anyway, I step in, almost challenging the smell to a duel, and I shut the door.  And then I gag!  I gagged at a poop smell!  I hear the ladies door unlock and the woman leaves, so I high tail it the hell out of the men’s bathroom and into the ladies and lock myself in.  And I gag again from the memory!  Lord help that poor man’s anus, wherever it is.
Oh yes, and to answer the questions in the last post, indeed that leaf was real!  Yes, we have normal every day leaves out here, but we also seem to have these mutant freak leaves that are as big as a dinner plate, so imagine a gust of Autumn air blowing past and releasing an army of 100 sheets of plate-sized leaves!  Terrible!  Zelda almost got swept away by one on the weekend at the dog park!  Just to show you another angle of these monsters, here’s Steve with one of the leaves:

I ought to wax paper a bunch of these and make myself a stylish outfit.  That or some kind of freaky mask.

NaPoBloMo Begins!

So here we go, and attempt at blogging every day in November!
I hope you all had a ghoulish Halloween! I spent mine indoors, but it was made lovely thanks to Steve buying a pumpkin and having us carve it together! So lovely. I also roasted the seeds. BONUS DELICIOUSNESS!
Last night was also the one night of the year that it’s legal to fire off fireworks in Vancouver, so you can bet there were explosions-a-plenty. Someone let off a nice set of them right in the park in front of our building, so I got to see some close up fireworks from above! Unfortunately, some drunkards let off fireworks at around 5am in the park as well, which was NOT a bonus, and made Winston go nuts.
I thought I might feel a wee bit better today, but I seem to still be too ill to have any fun. I drove to Kitsilano to the one doggy supply store that sells antlers in Vancouver. THEY ARE SHUTTING DOWN! Now where the tits am I going to get them from? I would think that Vancouver, being huge, would have a few places that have antlers, but over the course of a year I haven’t found more than one store that carries them. The shitty thing is that when I got down to Kits and parked (you have to pay to park everywhere here) the pay meter was BROKEN. LAMERZ! There was also a hobo sleeping in the parking lot, which I decided NOT to park in front of. Then I had a dilema of “do I park and run to the shop, or do I park somewhere else?” but I forgot my cell (big surprise for me) so I couldn’t phone and pay either! And this store is only open on the weekend on Saturday, so I basically booked it to the store, bought the antlers, and got the hell out of there before I got a ticket. It’s such a shame though because Kits is so lovely, especially in the Autumn! But the pugs were pretty stoked when I showed them the antlers, so all was worth it.
For some reason one of my tires was close to flat, so I had to fill that bitch up! The damn tires aren’t even more than a year and a half old, so I am going to be pretty bummed if I have to replace them, especially after just spending a bajillion dollars trying to get the car running. Here’s hoping!

My Humps and How to Drop it Like it’s Hot

I get a real kick out of watching Winston try and hump Zelda. Not because it’s oh so beautiful, but because he has absolutely NO IDEA what he’s doing.  Sometimes he humps her sideways.  Sometimes he’s on her face.  Sometimes SHE humps HIM.  Best dogs ever?  Yes indeed!

I keep leaving these posts until last minute!  Damnit!  Now I’m so tired I don’t know what to say.  

I will say that this is the first time in any Halloween past that I’ve ever seen lineups to get into costume shops.  Like, DOWN THE BLOCK lineups.  I went past two stores today that were STUFFED with people.  It’s like people are late Christmas shopping over here.  These people must be going to awesome and glamorous parties that I am unaware of!

In somewhat crappy news, Zelda scratched her cornea, so now we’ve got to pin her down and put goopy eyedrops in her eyes every day for 2 weeks.  This is actually the first eye injury for either dog, so I think we’ve done okay.  It’s a really minor scratch too, which is a bonus.  No eyeballs popped out, which is great news!  Just a puffy, swollen eye.  Though when the vet put the first drops in her eye opened right up!  These are miracle drops!  Seriously.  She was whimpering last night and all sad, and then BAM, drops go in and she wants to throw her bear stuffy around and have some treats. And join the cast of Dancing with the Pugs.  Because I just saw a clip from the “hip hop” episode, and lost my shit at how terrible Susan Lucci dances.  I felt like I was watching my mom try to drop it like it was hot, but she just basically knelt down and stood up, and then looked at the other woman like she was hot shit.  If you watch, I think it’s around 6:20.  If you blink, you might miss it, because that’s how fly it was.

And please, Lance Bass is just pullin’ moves straight out of the N’Sync handbook. I just saw him do the “Bye bye bye” rodeo twirl.

I don’t even watch this show, but the golden nuggets of yotube clips are enough to keep the lols rolling.

Sunset and the Candy Dog

I know it’s Autumn, and that daylight savings will be coming into effect soon, but I really wish the earth would tilt normally and at least make it light out until maybe 7:30.  I won’t have anything to say to the sun (I’m looking at YOU, sun) if it would just make Canada light for an extra hour at night.  

Does anyone else feel like a slug right after Summer?  It’s like the entire side of the world slows down, and everyone goes into hiding until its Spring again.

When it’s dark out early and I’m inside I start to think too much.  Then I start thinking thoughts like, “Do veins just ‘end’ at the tips of my fingers, or do veins keep going in a circle?  If you say, had a tumor that you wanted cut off, but there was a nerve growing into the tumor, could they just lop the tumor off and sew up the nerve ending back inside your normal body?  Or would you wake up going insane from the nerve pain?  And if they brain helps trigger our movement, how do people do unconscious things like bite their nails and not even notice?”

Such is what I am currently pondering.

Do you ever look at your dog and think, “You are a little ANIMAL.  I have an animal just roaming around my house all day and night.  But you’re more than an animal, you’re like this weird in-between a human and animal.  And how great is it that we actually can understand each other and communicate?”  I get those thoughts every now and again. These creatures that I love that aren’t human are just wandering around all day, hangin, eating, pooping, playing, and sleeping.  I wish I could videotape them to see what they do all day.  Though they seem to get into more shenanigans when I just leave for a minute rather than the whole day.

A few days ago I was looking at Zedla as she laid down on the couch and we met eyes and then out of nowhere she produces part of an empty Kit Kat wrapper out of her mouth and just looks at me.  Shame on me for leaving my Halloween-sized Kit Kat wrapper on the coffee table.  It was ridiculous to see her do that.  It was like on 30 Rock when Kathy pulls a Matchbox car out of her mouth when Liz talks to her.

Just like, “Oh, here’s something for you to look at.  I like to keep candy bar wrappers in my mouth until just the right moment. See?  Here’s a Kit Kat wrapper.  Enjoy.”

Blog fail!

Damnit, I missed a day!  I will have to make up for it by posting two times today!

 This morning I was walking to work with Steve (he walks me to work in the mornings, awww) and we get maybe 50 feet from my office building when we hear it:


From a man who owns this Chinese import business in the building next to us.  It wasn’t even subtle, it was so loud that I threw some of my coffee on myself. I mean, if you’ve got to fart, try and slip it out, but this guy almost seemed proud of it!  Shame on your bum, sir.  Shame on you.  It almost sounded like one of those farts where you accidently shit yourself a little.  I can’t get the sound out of my head.


But enough about farts, let’s talk about pugs!

Winston seems to waver between very smart and dumb.  Don’t ask me how.  Sometimes he does really dumb dog stuff, and then he’ll surprise me 10 minutes later by doing something genius.  Like When he gets so excited that he runs to jump on the couch and then bounces off because he only put 30% into the jump.  But then he’ll do something that wows me, like when you pet him and stop for a minute, and then he slaps your hand with his paw a few times to be like, “Hey, hey!  We’re not done here!”

Now that I think of it, Zelda does the same thing.  She’ll be so set on trying to catch a treat in her mouth that she will fall flat on her ass but always keep her eye on the food.  I watched her completely topple over while trying to catch a ball yesterday.  But she actually knows how to communicate with people.  Like when she wants you to throw a toy, she’ll set it ON you and whine at you, while looking at you and the toy, all the while probably thinking, “Piece it together, GEEZ!”

Someone s%@t on the wall!

And his name is Winston.  After ripping a garbage bag open and eating an expired tuna wrap from Starbucks, Winston shat so hard and fast, it actually made a “BLORP!” noise when he went to the doggy litter box AND, he shat up the wall a little.  I think the bum juice is his punishment.  Oh only if he understood that the tuna wrap did it–that it wasn’t just random.

Dogs will never learn.

Video Call Time!

So I had a video conversation with my friend, Blondie tonight, and she found a way to take screen captures during our conversation.  I had no idea how to do this to her, and as such, we just get to look a ridiculous pictures of me by myself!


And just for good measure, here’s some other photos I saw while I was cleaning files off my computer:

I should have gotten these glasses, no?

Look at the sweet jowls on my dog. Awesome.  So stretchy.  So good.

July 2020
262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.