Archive for March, 2008

It’s snowing meds!

Ah, the doctor was actually much better this time.  So now after many weeks of headaches and overall spacey-ness, I am on Cyprolex.  At least, I think that’s how you spell it.  The doctor was nice enough to not plow me with a year’s worth of perscriptions so that I didn’t have to pay a dispensing fee, but damn, keeping your brain healthy is EXPENSIVE!!!
I also had a long talk with the pharmacist about going completely off Effexor, and onto this other stuff, and I’ve got a pretty good program in place now to get me off Effexor while going onto Cyprolex.  So, today on this new stuff I am feeling sort of the same as with Effexor, but in all reality it’s going to take a week for things to start taking effect.
Speaking of effects, it’s always my favourite thing to read off all the “possible side effects” when I get new medication.  My favourite from this new one is “black, tarry stools.”  That is so far beyond the safety zone of anal leakage I don’t even know what to do with myself.  Plus, wouldn’t it be bad enough to experience one of those, say, a tarry stool, let alone the combination of basically shitting asphalt!  Maybe I can pave someone’s driveway and make some extra cash.  *TURN YOUR SYMPTOMS INTO COLD HARD CASH!!!*
I also enjoy when the information packet says “if you experience unusually long-lasting erections, please consult a physician.”  I just want to walk into the pharmacy and explain that I’ve never had an erection before, but damn, this erection I got is lasting for hours!  Maybe I’ll put a banana in my pants, too.  Just for good measure.
Oh yes, and I also have a theory about Zelda’s little piddle party.  She’s done this once before, but I figured something out: she has only peed like that when Steve has slept on the couch.  Now, before you start thinking “ooooh, trouble in paradise!” I have to tell you that Steve is sick again, and was feeling like he was going to puke, and since puke is my ALL-TIME LEAST FAVOURITE THING, he was nice enough to just sleep on the couch so that if he barfed, he didn’t barf near me.  He had to do this a few months ago too, and I’ll be damned if Zelda didn’t pee right in the same spot.  Anyhow, from this, I concluded that Zelda thinks of Steve as her mate, and she gets pissed when he doesn’t come to bed because we all go to bed at the same time, so she thinks I have kicked Steve out of bed, gets mad at me, and pees on my side of the bed.  Eh, eh????  Yes, I think she’s that smart.  And that vindictive!  She is a smart little pooch, so I think she’s actually got a serious thought process around peeing in the same spot on the bed.
In other news, IT IS SNOWING IN VANCOUVER RIGHT NOW!  WTF?!  I move from Calgary to escape the snow, and it follows me!!!!


I am pretty much brain fart central these days.  I made another doctor’s appointment for tonight, so hopefully I will get a new prescription that will make me feel less…oh…retarded!  I can’t concentrate, I can’t stop the racing thoughts, and I tend to stare off into the distance and not even realize I’m doing it!
Okay, perhaps yesterday was bad because there was no hot water in the building.  And maybe it was because I had to boil water to wash my own face.  I’ll jot down yesterday as a write off.  Today though?  I am maybe 10% sharper, but I am still just walking around in a little puffy cloud, not too sure what’s going on.  I’ve also had a headache for the past week, and I can’t seem to get rid of it.  I don’t know what that’s about!
Maybe it’s because I keep having bad coffee experiences?  Take today.  I went to a new little coffee shop by my work.  I thought I’d get a little adventurous and actually go somewhere other than my fail-safe, Starbonks.  It literally took ten, maybe even 15 minutes to get a bagel and a chain.  You’d think after waiting for that long that this delicious bagel would blow my mind, and I’d pretty much have a baby after tasting it.
But no.
They gave me a really, REALLY warm bagel, and a little tub of BUTTER.  Like 3 ounces of butter.  I WANTED CREAM CHEESE!!!!!  SHIIIIIIIT!  I don’t know how hard it is to put cream cheese in a tub, but apparently it’s a lot easier to put butter in there because that’s what I got.  And the chai?  Tastes like milk.  And that’s it.  I don’t understand!!!!  I’m nearly positive I could have achieved better at home!  And not for $7!  WTF!
Actually, just skip the bagel.  Just give me a tub of cream cheese and I will eat it.
Also?  Zelda peed IN the bed this morning.  I don’t know what the hell that’s about, but waking up to a foot soaked in pee is not my #1 choice for starting my day off.  Has anyone else’s dog done this???  I’m going to have to give the pee pan a huge scrub or something, because I can’t think of why she’d pee under the covers on my side of the bed.  I mean, that’s some seriously covert shit right there, because she’s got to find a little opening, crawl under there, pee, and then leave without waking me up!  I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!

Super Cool on this Easter Sunday


I am at work early, so I can say hi to all of you!


I’d also like to take a moment and tell you how sweaty I get from walking to work.  I’ve never walked to work, so now the act of walking briskly for 20 min in the morning to get here makes me sweat.  Then it takes me 20 min to return to a normal temperature.  Then I get cold.  You’d think being part German would maybe adapt me to cold, but for some reason, unless it is over 25 degrees, I am almost always cold.  What’s worse though than coming to work and sitting with sweaty pits from a brisk workout?!  Blah!  I actually needed to dab off with a tissue yesterday (my forehead, that is)!  I should just run into the office and dump the water cooler on myself when I get here.

I would have thought maybe I wouldn’t sweat so much after three weeks, but apparently this will be going on for quite a while….mmmm, who wants to rub up against me?  Anyone???

Also, the dogs have been barfing, and I can’t quite figure out what exactly is keeping them on the barf train.  I was giving them some of those really crunchy freeze dried liver treats or whatever the hell they are…I think they’re called Barking Mad?  Anyhow, since my dogs don’t like to, you know, CHEW, they ended up barfing because the liver thing isn’t digesting because they SWALLOW THEM WHOLE.  I feel bad enough when I eat a chip that I haven’t chewed enough.  You know what I’m talkin’ about!  When you don’t chew it enough and it drags like a rusty razor blade down your esophagus.  Shit, I don’t even like to talk about it.  That’s how much that sucks.  Anyhow, think of swallowing a chip that’s about 5 times as thick without chewing.  HOW DO DOGS DO THAT?!  Crazy bastards.

Zelda threw up on the sofa, which leads me even further into wanting a leather couch, so at least then I can hose it off!  Luckily, Steve found out that someone is renting a steam cleaner in the building, to which I think I heard angels singing out on high.  I figure I ought to just steam clean the whole effing apartment.  You know, make the most of the rental!

This isn’t even photoshopped.


Really. Big. Tongue.

Is anyone else’s dog’s tongue this big?!  Holy crap.


Shit, dudes!  It’s been like a week without posting!  My poor brain has actually worked all week long, and is left with no time to wander to thoughts of blogging about poop and pugs and all the wonderful things I used to write about!  I will prevail though, oh yes.

The job is so good.  I can’t tell you how much better the new job is than the other jobs.  Holy.  Crap.

I even have to go to the bathroom as I’m writing this, but I’ll be damned if a bowel movement will stop me!

So last weekend I bought this sweet pair of Adidas sneakers, which I guess are my first pair of fashion-esque sneakers in years, because I’ve accumulated so many cute, girly shoes that I own no casual shoes.  Anyhow, I had gotten that sweet Adidas track jacket I’m wearing a few posts down at a sweet boxing day sale for like $40, so I needed some kind of casual shoe for it.  Trust me, I tried on every other pair of remotely casual shoes I own, and none of them could be worn with a track jacket.  SON OF A…

Anyway, I will pretty much use any excuse to buy shoes, and this was a good one!  I knew that I wanted these particularly loud shoes for a long time:

because how can you not want a ridiculously loud pair of rainbow Adidas, right?   Anyhow, the funny thing that goes along with these shoes is that when I went to buy them, the sales girl I handed the shoe to didn’t seem to notice that the shoe was Adidas, and that she had been looking through a pile of  Nike shoe boxes for a good 4 minutes.  Now, I didn’t want to be an asshole and say, “Hey!  Stupid!  THOSE ARE ADIDAS YOU’RE HOLDING, AND YOU ARE LOOKING IN NIKE BOXES!!!”  I just kind of stayed quiet and gave a really confused look to Steve, who in turn was looking at the sales girl like she was a clam.  So I ever-so-gently point out that I had taken that sample shoe from this display over here, so maybe they were in that cupboard…

“No, no, I know they’re not in there…”

Meanwhile she opens the cupboard I mentioned, actually LOOKS PAST the Adidas boxes, and keeps looking…

Another, oh, 5 minutes later she opens an Adidas box and is like, “Here they are!”

To which Steve said something like, “Yes.  The Adidas sneakers were in the Adidas box.  Go figure.”


Hairy Potter and the Order of the Hepafilter

So about oh, six weeks ago, Steve was emptying our vacuum of pounds of dog hair and he accidentally threw out the hepafilter.

It looked like this:

Our carpet, as of today, looked like something out of an ad for the Furminator:

I ordered a filter like FIVE WEEKS ago from Amazon, you know, one of those sellers within Amazon, and I could have flown to wherever the shit this place was and shoved 5 pounds of dog hair down their throats.  Why did I order one online, you ask?  Because Vancouver doesn’t really have any “big box” stores, ie: Zellers, Wal-Mart, etc.  While I think this is pretty cool of them (you know, supporting local businesses), but when it comes to buying essential items, they seem to be nowhere to be found.

So I order the only hepafilter that I can find off of Amazon and pay through the nose for shipping to get it to me faster (because I almost drowned in a dust bunny).  Weeks pass, and nothing.  The apartment is getting hairier and hairier.  Then I get an email from Amazon saying that from their records, they see that the “store” hasn’t sent my item, so they will contact these people on my behalf.  Then a day later I get a call from these chumps saying “oops, sooooooo so sorry, we will ship out the filter right away!!!”  Then I check my account.  Nothing has happened.

Another week and a half pass and I get an email from Amazon asking me to rate the seller.  Among other things I state (and I quote) “This seller sucks balls.”  Oh how good it felt to talk about ball-sucking sellers on a rating forum.  Hahahah!

And then I get home today and BLAM, the filter appears.  I got so excited I vacuumed the whole apartment.  I also sucked my skirt into the vacuum and overheated it, thus leaving that awful vacuum stink in the apartment.  Shit!

Oh well, at least we’re now as hairless as a 13 year old!  Woo!

I don’t know if you knew this

but Giggs has a LAZER EYE. 

Me and my peeps.

We be keepin’ it real.

March 2008
3031 collective fashion consciousness.