Posts Tagged 'Winston'

Probably the weirdest thing ever.

I looked at Winston as he walked towards the door and he somehow got pizza sauce on his taint! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Okay, I was eating pizza, so it didn’t just come out of nowhere, but seriously, how does pizza sauce end up on anyone’s taint?

This is truly a mystery for the ages.

Blog fail!

Damnit, I missed a day!  I will have to make up for it by posting two times today!

 This morning I was walking to work with Steve (he walks me to work in the mornings, awww) and we get maybe 50 feet from my office building when we hear it:


From a man who owns this Chinese import business in the building next to us.  It wasn’t even subtle, it was so loud that I threw some of my coffee on myself. I mean, if you’ve got to fart, try and slip it out, but this guy almost seemed proud of it!  Shame on your bum, sir.  Shame on you.  It almost sounded like one of those farts where you accidently shit yourself a little.  I can’t get the sound out of my head.


But enough about farts, let’s talk about pugs!

Winston seems to waver between very smart and dumb.  Don’t ask me how.  Sometimes he does really dumb dog stuff, and then he’ll surprise me 10 minutes later by doing something genius.  Like When he gets so excited that he runs to jump on the couch and then bounces off because he only put 30% into the jump.  But then he’ll do something that wows me, like when you pet him and stop for a minute, and then he slaps your hand with his paw a few times to be like, “Hey, hey!  We’re not done here!”

Now that I think of it, Zelda does the same thing.  She’ll be so set on trying to catch a treat in her mouth that she will fall flat on her ass but always keep her eye on the food.  I watched her completely topple over while trying to catch a ball yesterday.  But she actually knows how to communicate with people.  Like when she wants you to throw a toy, she’ll set it ON you and whine at you, while looking at you and the toy, all the while probably thinking, “Piece it together, GEEZ!”

Someone s%@t on the wall!

And his name is Winston.  After ripping a garbage bag open and eating an expired tuna wrap from Starbucks, Winston shat so hard and fast, it actually made a “BLORP!” noise when he went to the doggy litter box AND, he shat up the wall a little.  I think the bum juice is his punishment.  Oh only if he understood that the tuna wrap did it–that it wasn’t just random.

Dogs will never learn.

Video Call Time!

So I had a video conversation with my friend, Blondie tonight, and she found a way to take screen captures during our conversation.  I had no idea how to do this to her, and as such, we just get to look a ridiculous pictures of me by myself!


And just for good measure, here’s some other photos I saw while I was cleaning files off my computer:

I should have gotten these glasses, no?

Look at the sweet jowls on my dog. Awesome.  So stretchy.  So good.

The difference between making a pug look gorgeous…

and maybe not so gorgeous in photographs…


Not so good:


I still love the bottom one, but he doesn’t even look like the same dog!

The Long and Pug of it

Well, I didn’t want to cry over any commercials yesterday, so maybe the medication is starting to work?  No no, wait, it’s because I had a dog trainer/whisperer come to my apartment yesterday to help me with my little troublemakers!  She was rather delightful, and managed to Cesar Milan the hell out of my dogs.

It was like watching a movie watching this lady show me what to do.

“Whose dogs are these?!  These can’t be my dogs!  They are behaving SO WELL!”

And you know how people on those dog “help me” shows always look like they feel like terrible people (well, most of the time)?  Yeah, I was thinking I AM A TERRIBLE DOG MOMMA! while she’s telling me what I need to do to help them.  I know I’m not a bad pug momma here in the real world, but when you have a certified dog trainer prancing your dogs around like they should have been cast in Best In Show, you start to feel a little bad.

I would really do anything to help them be happier, healthier pups, and this woman charged a very reasonable, dare I say LOW fee considering the help I got.  Also consider that another company said they would have to charge me $1100 total for both dogs. Excuse me while I shit a brick and then use that brick to break into a bank so that I can pay these people. Then watch me hand a MUCH MORE REASONABLE $75 to this woman that came to my apartment last night.  HELLO?!  PRICE DIFFERENCE?!  If that’s not an example of the Free Market at work, I don’t know what is.  Can you imagine that there is no regulation on pricing?  Someone out there is paying THOUSANDS of dollars when I am paying $75?!  Good thing I shopped around!

And don’t forget the very generous tip I gave to this woman of a full pug’s worth of hair all over her clothing!  She’ll be able to build her very own pug!  I am so generous.

I didn’t want to cry I was so happy about her helping me, however, I did want to give her a kiss on the mouth because seriously?  It was so nice to have someone come and see me in my environment and be able to examine how the dogs are in their home.  I think the training worked a lot better because they were nice a comfortable as well.

I guess the only surprise that came wasn’t even mine, it was the dog trainer’s, when she noticed that both of my dogs like to stand on the coffee table. And the side tables.  And window ledges.  Hey, Winston happened to learn that from our cat and then passed it onto Zelda, I can’t help it!  She saw one of them on one of our side tables and was like, “Well that’s new!”  Yes, they enjoy taking the place of coffee table books.  What of it?!  Okay, they shouldn’t be allowed to do it, but I just think it’s really funny when they do, because they sort of look confused as to how they even got there, and how they’re going to get down without wiping out.  Don’t worry, they never wipe out (just in case you were going to call Animal Control).  I do enjoy the quizzical look they give though.


Maybe someday I’ll even get to walk the dogs, dare I say it, off leash (in parks, as I don’t know, I don’t really like not having them strapped in when we’re walking on the sidewalk).  One can dream…

Crossroads of Deliciousness.

don’t worry, he eventually chose one.  he almost exploded though.

Whoop, there it is

Yes, I know I haven’t posted in two weeks.  My apologies!  I suppose I’ve just been trying to figure out exactly what I want to write about here.  I went to see Heather Armstrong on Friday after work because she was in town (anyone read Dooce?), but sadly the restaurant where she was got pretty crowded with middle-aged blogger ladies, and I’d had a pretty tough week at work, so I just took a good look at her to make sure she was real, and went on my way.

Yes, she’s real.  So is John!  It was almost like looking at an old friend, but hi, I’ve never met them.  I thought about taking a photo of her, just to show I was there, but frankly, she’s a blogger, not Madonna, so I thought it would be a little strange to just snap a photo and leave.  Though I guess that was a disappointing end to my week, Steve took me over to see her on the aquabus, which was a big delight!

Last week was sort of hard.  I forgot to take my medication on two different days, which totally effs up my brain chemistry, and makes it REALLY hard to concentrate.  I felt like I was in a cloud, and just couldn’t remember anything important, which, you know, makes doing your job sort of difficult.  I also was very clumsy, which by the end of the week made me feel like I was going to cry.  But I didn’t!  So the medication must be working, right?  I am still having a LOT of trouble concentrating, which leads me to believe that I may not have found the right medication yet.  Sigh.

The pugs are good.  Though the dogs have taken up occasionally peeing on our bed when the door is left open even a CRACK.  Which makes me want to scream.  Why the bed?!  Why not on the floor at least?!  I ought to be saving for a not-so-peed-on mattress.  Or maybe a carpet steamer.  Anyone want to sent me one?!

Oh yeah!  It was Winston’s 2nd birthday on the 20th!  He’s the big 2!  I am hoping not so much the terrible 2s as the “I AM GOING TO CALM DOWN AND STOP PEEING ON THE BED” 2.  Or maybe the “I AM GOING TO STOP BARKING BECAUSE IT GIVES MOM HEADACHES” 2.  I mean, look at this face:


But wait, where’s Zelda you ask?

RIGHT HERE, BEING TOTALLY CUTE.  And yes, I know she has crap on her nose in this photo, and no, I don’t know what it is.  Probably poop.  Because I am a good doggy cleaner.  And Zelda is a good poop eater.

Ooooh, also, I got a new tattoo!

I don’t know if you can tell, but that’s my arm.  I am just waiting to see my mother lose her shit when she sees it.  I am debating what she’s going to say.  Well, then again, she doesn’t know I have one yet, let alone three, so I guess we really WILL see what happens when I see her next month.  It could really go a few ways.  She is really into watching LA Ink, London Ink, and Miami Ink, so I think she *might* just be shocked for a moment and then be okay, or she might look something like this:

and then yell a lot.  BUT, I am an adult, so she can’t kick me out of the house, HA!  And really, it’s already done, and I love it, so MUAHAHAHA.  At least I’m not showing up like this:

Right, RIGHT?!

Then again, I am interested in getting more, so my mother may pass out at the mere sight of me.  One can dream, right?

Celebrity Dogs!

What celebrity would your pet be? I'm Johnny Knoxville! Find out at
So true, Winston, so true.

What celebrity would your pet be? I'm Oprah! Find out at
I like that Zelda ended up as Oprah, and so did her big sister, Miko!

Dear pretty much all at-home wax kits

You kill me.  I attempted three different kinds of you, and managed to make my poor armpits BLEED, and guess what?  You didn’t take any effing hair off of my pits.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WALK AROUND WITH HAIRY ARMPITS?!  Agh.

Maybe I should get a proffessional in here to deal with my pits.  I really thought I could just take care of it myself, because there’s only like ten hairs per pit, but no!  I bleed, I try many kits, and the hair remains!  Oh trusty razor, you will never let me down.

I attempted the legs as well, and that went OKAY.  Not great, but okay.  Maybe waxing my own body isn’t my thing?

Also, one of the dogs peed ON THE COUCH.  AGAIN.  What the shit, dogs?!  Looks like I might have to get a scat mat or something.  I bought them some new toys, including a new busy buddy, but no!  They peed on the sofa a little bit when Steve and I went to Costco on an over-sized adventure.  Which, by the way?  Costco is amazing.

July 2020
262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.