Archive for the 'Zelda' Category


Yay!  Zelda is TWO today, so in celebration, let us admire this outrageously annoying glitter graphic of her:

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I am going to smash that ice cream treat right in your face.

I like to sit on one of my legs most of the time at my desk.  An old boss kept saying, “don’t do that, it’s not good for you!” to which I said, “you shut your dirty mouth!”  No, I didn’t say that.  I moved off my leg.  But damnit, I can only sit in that perfect at-your-desk position for so long!  

I happen to be wearing green patent flats today, which is important to note for the purposes of both fashion AND what I’m about to explain.

Really, there’s only so long I can sit at my desk and not move, so even if I sit on my leg, I need to eventually go back to the standard way of sitting.  So I usually am able to just slide my foot out from under my other leg and put it on the ground.  Except that today, because my shoes are made from patent, and because I sit in an imitation leather chair, and because I am in the office with only one other dude, my shoe happens to make a sound exactly like a grotesque fart.


So basically that happened like 2 minutes ago, and I was so shocked by the sound, that I just dragged my shoe across the chair in hopes that it would just make more squeaks so that I didn’t sound like I was going to have a burst of explosive diarrhea! 

Aaaand I didn’t want to directly address the awful noise I made, because my co-worker isn’t terribly talkative….

So that’s my afternoon, in a nutshell!

On another front, I was walking Zelda last night and everything was fine until she saw some Lassie sort of dog and started to make little “I am going to go apeshit in 10 seconds” noises as we passed the dog, and so I just kept on walking briskly, and then the woman walking the dog was like, “Aww, what’s wrong with your dog?”

“She got attacked by a lab at a dog park, so I am doing rehabilitation work.”

And as I am trying to walk away, she edges her hand towards Zelda, expecting me to walk over to her and let her pet Zelda and “make it all better.”

“Sorry, I’m doing rehabilitation work, I’ve got to be moving on.”

and I speed walk away.  But seriously, I can sort of see why someone would want to pet Zelda as she’s making those noises, but when I TELL YOU that I am doing rehabilitation work, why would you think I’d walk right up to you, and the dog that my dog is starting to freak out at?  Do you think my dog will just “calm down?” if she gets to smell your dog?  Um, and did I mention that this woman’s dog BARKED at Zelda, thus beginning a louder squealing process?

“Oh yeah, I can see that your dog clearly doesn’t want my dog near it, so sure I’ll just come right over and talk to you about what a poor dog my dog must be, and that because she’s making all this noise I am a terrible dog person.  In fact, why don’t I just bark in YOUR face and see how you react?  Or maybe I’ll just scream in your face in short bursts so you can see what it’s like for my dog to see other dogs.

Fuuuuuuuck.  It’s like sometimes you don’t even bother because some people can be pretty stupid, but then other times I kind of go, “Seriously?!  Is this how people think?!  I am going to slap every stranger I see.”

Or maybe I should just slap other stupid dog owners?  Like every time someone wants to pet Zelda when she is barking I will just smack them across their face.  Or maybe just like put my palm against their nose and puuuuuuush them away.


I ought to take up walking the pugs at like midnight so I don’t have to deal with other dogs.  Damnit!

There’s nothing I can do

Tonight is one of the few times I’ve wanted to punch out a complete stranger.

After maybe 10 minutes of training with the dogs in the lobby of the building, I take them out into the park in front of my apartment building, which is basically just a cement area. Good training ground, no?

And they were doing SO good. Listening to commands. Sitting. Turning when I turned.

And then the shit hit the fan.

While I am working with the dogs, this woman comes by with her fluff dog (I have no idea what kind of dog it was). I think, okay, she’ll pass by, as my dogs are sitting really nicely. But no. She stops. And my dogs turn and see this dog. And smell the dog, and then Zelda starts barking. At this point I say, “okay, this is nice, but I am training my dogs and you need to move along and get out of here because my dog has been attacked and I am working with her.” To which this lady kind of giggles and stands there with her dog.

Then Zelda starts screaming.


She doesn’t move.

I say the same thing about 10 times. She doesn’t move.

At this point Zelda is FLIPPING OUT, Winston is trying to get to this other dog and slips out of his harness.


I am basically saying anything to get her to go away. She doesn’t go. SHE KEEPS STANDING THERE AND LAUGHS A LITTLE LAUGH WHILE WINSTON CHASES HER DOG AND ZELDA SCREAMS.

I manage to corall Winston and sit on him (gently, don’t worry) and I am aaaaalmost screaming at this woman, “GET OUT OF HERE!” while waving my hands in an away motion. Now you might think, why didn’t *I* get out of there? Well because my dogs are flipping out and one of them is out of his harness and I can’t move because I am sitting on my dog, and it basically took 10 seconds for Zelda to go from calm to apeshit scared.

I can’t believe that just happened. I wanted to just shove this woman over. She clearly didn’t speak English AT ALL, so the whole time I am motioning “AWAY!!! AWAY!!!!!!!!!” and she DOESN’T GET IT.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Not only is it embarassing, it’s EXTREMELY stressful for the dogs, and I couldn’t help them because this woman WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE.

I want to scream, myself now! I’m just thinking, WHAT ELSE COULD I HAVE DONE?! I don’t think I could have done anything else and not ended up shoving this woman away from me. And what’s worse is that if it were someone who understood english, it would have been fine, but somehow the one person walking there dog by me happens to not speak a WORD.

I need to go punch my bed.

Happy Howl-o-ween!




The Dog Park, Y’all!

Three words: BIG ASS DOG!

Baby Zelda had a blast scootin’ around!

Winston met a little jack russel terrier buddy!

There’s nothing like the ears of a pug flapping like little wings when they run…although it doesn’t seem to make them go any faster…

This boston terrier was pretty fly. She wouldn’t even let anyone throw the ball, she just sat around gloating the whole time.

This is pretty much the expression that Winston makes the whole time we’re at the park.

A lovely little frenchie named Lola.

Winston, looking to the future. So masculine. It’s like he’s in a Calvin Klein ad.


On another note, do your dogs go absolutely bat shit crazy after a bath?  I don’t know if its the fact that they just got out of the tub or what, but Winston and Zelda are INSANE after a bath.  It’s like there’s this regular, average level of humping that Winston tries to do on a daily basis to Zelda, but then after a bath he takes it up a notch and pretty much tries to make a porno with her after getting out of the tub.

So this leaves two options…

1) Average, sane dogs that smell


2) Insane dogs that smell nice

Either way, one of them is getting punched.

Punched with love, of course.

Thanks for the kind words!

Aww, thanks so much for all the nice things you said on my last post. You’re all really lovely people, and I’m happy to have you as my e-friends!

In a stroke of good news, I had text messaged a would-be friend inviting her to see the always delightfully scary Saw (4). She got back to me, which I am pretty excited about.

It’s a silly little friendship that we have actually. We met a year or two ago through another friend, and have always kept in touch. We’ve hung out a few times, and she seems like someone I’d really love hanging out with. We were both totally friend crushin’ on each other, you know? Like, wow, this person is totally cool, I’d like to hang out with them more! Then you kind of get all girly like, oh man, will they like me? Do I smell? DO I SMELL?!

We actually had a conversation about it once, which was really funny because we were both like YOU ARE GREAT, BUT I AM FRIEND NERVOUS BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE SO COOL. I don’t really know if anyone else gets like this, but I assume since the both of us were thinking the same thing, that there’s likely more people out there who feel the same way…

Anyhow, we are gonna go on a nice little friend date and hang out, because we both moved to Vancouver within a month of each other, and what a perfect time to hang out, eh?

In other news, that is more dog-related (as I haven’t posted about them in a long time), the puppies are doing good! Zelda has stopped eating her turds so much, which leaves the apartment MUCH less stinky, and Winston is barking less. I haven’t quite figured out how to get them to stop freaking out before they get outside on a walk. Maybe I’ll take a video of it and show you just how amped up about walkies they get, and then you’ll understand how ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL AND EMBARASSING those first three minutes of walkies are.

Also, I saw a pug in Petsmart yesterday in a lion costume. Does it get any better than that??? Do you all know what you’re going to be for Halloween? Steve and I are thinking of dressing up and going for dinner somewhere, just for the hell of it. Did someone say WONDER WOMAN COSTUME?!?!


A Grand Pug Photo Shoot

Sometimes I just look at the dogs and think, Damn, these are two gorgeous looking pugs! They should be pug models. Which, by the way, did I tell you that this little shop by my house called Barking Babies is pretty tight with the editors of Modern Dog magazine, and that they use their customer database when they need a certain breed of dog for a photo shoot?! YOU MIGHT SEE WINSTON AND ZELDA IN MODERN DOG! WTF!!!

Sometimes Winston just likes to throw caution to the wind, as represented by his flappy ear:
As you can see, Zelda is pretty much always making this face when I take her photo:
Except when she’s sleepy!
Then I get all kinds of cuteness:
Winston is generally a good sport though:
He likes to turn up the cute when he knows I’ve got the camera out:

Glitter graphics: Annoying, but funny on pets!

Zelda Bling

The Elevator of my discontent.

Ahh, baby Zelda. Since that other dog attacked you, you have been quite the bundle of….fun?

Any time Zelda sees another large dog now, she will set out on a massive freak out, not even barking, but SCREAMING at them. That gets Winston started, and soon I have two pugs making the most ridiculous “barks” at an extremely loud volume, which pretty much embarasses the hell out of me.

I tried checking out Cesar Milan, but he uses a collar to train dogs that I can’t really use on a pug, so I feel kind of stuck on that front.

I tried food bribes, which seems to work….oh….50% of the time.

Holding them down doesn’t work either because they are so set on just SCREAMING that holding them down just makes them freak out more, and frankly, it’s a little difficult to hold down TWO dogs that are flipping out.


I think it’s pretty much back to the drawing board for these puppies! I’ve got to get back to really simple training and try and slowly introduce them back into doggie society.

Until then, I get to experience fun times like having people on an elevator literally shut my dogs, Steve and I out because they are barking at someone’s dog who started barking first. Those people will get a nice poopy surprise outside their doors I suspect.


She’s come a long way in one year. From being 2 pounds of wittle:
To forever becoming my Zelda Bee:
I love my sweet little bear and wouldn’t trade her for the world!

I love you, baby Zelda, HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY!

(*we’re taking her to a doggy cafe for a party with Winston tonight!*)

September 2020
27282930 collective fashion consciousness.