Archive for the 'Vancouver' Category

Epic. Bummer.

So I get back from buying a sammich on my lunch break and am not really looking as I walk up the building steps, but blam, there’s a pigeon absolutely FREAKING OUT at the entrance. At first I think it’s just a random bird flipping out, and then I notice that its wing is hurt and it can’t fly.
Then I run through how I can save the bird, but that most people hate pigeons, so that’s not going to help the situation. So I have to leave the bird downstairs in the entry and go upstairs to call animal control. I call animal control and they tell me not to touch the bird, to let nature take its course.
This is different than what I was told by the SPCA a few weeks ago when Steve found one outside, but I suppose animal control is where the animals inevitably go for care when they aren’t domestic, so I had to leave the bird downstairs. I think it fell down the stairs, too, which is even more depressing to think about.
Not that I can go and rescue a bird and take it home with me…clearly I can’t, but I felt so helpless looking at this bird flap around. Oh lord. So sad.
I’m sure in Vancouver pigeons get killed all the time because there are so many of them, but it’s a terrible feeling seeing an animal in pain and not being able to do anything about it.

I am going to smash that ice cream treat right in your face.

I like to sit on one of my legs most of the time at my desk.  An old boss kept saying, “don’t do that, it’s not good for you!” to which I said, “you shut your dirty mouth!”  No, I didn’t say that.  I moved off my leg.  But damnit, I can only sit in that perfect at-your-desk position for so long!  

I happen to be wearing green patent flats today, which is important to note for the purposes of both fashion AND what I’m about to explain.

Really, there’s only so long I can sit at my desk and not move, so even if I sit on my leg, I need to eventually go back to the standard way of sitting.  So I usually am able to just slide my foot out from under my other leg and put it on the ground.  Except that today, because my shoes are made from patent, and because I sit in an imitation leather chair, and because I am in the office with only one other dude, my shoe happens to make a sound exactly like a grotesque fart.


So basically that happened like 2 minutes ago, and I was so shocked by the sound, that I just dragged my shoe across the chair in hopes that it would just make more squeaks so that I didn’t sound like I was going to have a burst of explosive diarrhea! 

Aaaand I didn’t want to directly address the awful noise I made, because my co-worker isn’t terribly talkative….

So that’s my afternoon, in a nutshell!

On another front, I was walking Zelda last night and everything was fine until she saw some Lassie sort of dog and started to make little “I am going to go apeshit in 10 seconds” noises as we passed the dog, and so I just kept on walking briskly, and then the woman walking the dog was like, “Aww, what’s wrong with your dog?”

“She got attacked by a lab at a dog park, so I am doing rehabilitation work.”

And as I am trying to walk away, she edges her hand towards Zelda, expecting me to walk over to her and let her pet Zelda and “make it all better.”

“Sorry, I’m doing rehabilitation work, I’ve got to be moving on.”

and I speed walk away.  But seriously, I can sort of see why someone would want to pet Zelda as she’s making those noises, but when I TELL YOU that I am doing rehabilitation work, why would you think I’d walk right up to you, and the dog that my dog is starting to freak out at?  Do you think my dog will just “calm down?” if she gets to smell your dog?  Um, and did I mention that this woman’s dog BARKED at Zelda, thus beginning a louder squealing process?

“Oh yeah, I can see that your dog clearly doesn’t want my dog near it, so sure I’ll just come right over and talk to you about what a poor dog my dog must be, and that because she’s making all this noise I am a terrible dog person.  In fact, why don’t I just bark in YOUR face and see how you react?  Or maybe I’ll just scream in your face in short bursts so you can see what it’s like for my dog to see other dogs.

Fuuuuuuuck.  It’s like sometimes you don’t even bother because some people can be pretty stupid, but then other times I kind of go, “Seriously?!  Is this how people think?!  I am going to slap every stranger I see.”

Or maybe I should just slap other stupid dog owners?  Like every time someone wants to pet Zelda when she is barking I will just smack them across their face.  Or maybe just like put my palm against their nose and puuuuuuush them away.


I ought to take up walking the pugs at like midnight so I don’t have to deal with other dogs.  Damnit!

Capilano Suspension Bridge!!!

On Saturday, Steve and I made the trek to the Capilano Suspension Bridge!

For those who don’t know what this bridge is all about:

“Follow in the footsteps of the millions of visitors who have crossed Capilano Suspension Bridge since 1889. The original bridge was constructed of hemp rope and cedar planks. 450 feet (137m) long and 230 feet (70m) high, today’s bridge is made of reinforced steel safely anchored in 13 tons of concrete on either side of the canyon. Can you say “I made it!”?”

This bridge is one of those shaky bridges that everyone’s dad pretty much shakes the shit out of when you go on it. It’s like a ciy block long and is just a suspension bridge, which pretty much makes it feel like you are going to go plunging into the canyon below at any minute!

This is the “Treetop Village”. This is made up of several smaller suspension bridges, with little platforms at the trees. It’s pretty much the best thing ever. This is how the ewoks did it, and they did it right.

This tree is called “Grandma Capilano.” She’s the oldest tree in the park, and is 200 feet tall, which translates to “I tried for about ten minutes to get a picture of this whole tree, and pretty much could only get like half of it, but kept trying because I somehow thought I could DEFY GRAVITY and actually capture the whole thing in one shot.”

This is a little creek. It’s still GREEN here, which is like a miracle to me since I’m pretty used to Calgary being a shitty brown by now.

Little pond. Little fishies. LOTS of goof times.


In conclusion, it was a super cool day.

Wait, except for the fact that I said to Steve, “wow, this would be a good place to propose!” and then he’s like, “FUCK, NOW I CAN’T DO IT!” and then I was like, “WHAT?! OH SHIT I’M SORRY!”

(Wait, just to clarify, he wasn’t going to propose that day, but rather was making a mental note of the ample romantic stops along the way at this location, which I subesquently spoiled by mentioning its romanticness…oops!)

Happy (late) Thanksgiving!

What. What.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Well, everyone in Canada. The US peeps have to wait another month for some turkey, or in my case, a LOT of sweet potatoes.

Why do the three-day weekends go by so fast? I could use another, oh, HUNDRED days off. In fact, let’s all just take the rest of the year off, okay? Good.

I finally got a lot of reading done, which is a really big accomplishment for me. I tend to feel guilty about reading when I’m at home because I think that I should be playing with the dogs or something. Or cleaning. Or doing about 50 other things that involve making my apartment more tidy and organized.

The apartment never seems to get any more organized though…

Anyhow, I have about ten books I would like to read, and I put a good dent in at least one of them! I love coffee shop reading! LOVE IT. I enjoy it about UMPTEEN times more now that there are so many coffee shops near me that are not STARBUCKS.

Love you SB, but really, we spent three years together, and frankly, I can out-barista any of your employees.

Oh, and a highlight of the weekend? Walking down Robson and seeing a GIANT turd, which Steve and I decided was human, and then we get maybe ten feet from it when this hobo on a bench yells out “IT WAS ME! HAHAHAHA!!!!” and then I realize that this man has PEED HIS PANTS but somehow managed to get his pants down to take a poop in an alley. GO FIGURE.

Also? Lightweight umbrellas with deer sihlouettes are my new favorite thing in the world. If you ever move here, you need a lightweight umbrella because rain manages to START AND STOP ALL THE TIME without any warning because it’s cloudy about 90% of the time. I add the deer sihlouettes because I bought the most AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL umbrella in the world last weekend to carry in my purse. LOVE THE RAIN. LOVE UMBRELLAS. LOVE RAIN BOOTS. More specifically, I love the fact that the Blenz coffee shop by my apartment has HEATED OUTDOOR SEATING!!! Excuse me while I lounge around in warmth outside at a coffee shop in mid-October. This would be UNHEARD of in Calgary.

And there are still GREEN LEAVES. I AM IN A DREAM WORLD!!!

Before I go into the Witness Protection Program

Man, can anyone take a joke?! Seriously. I got an email from youtube this morning saying someone had commented on a video I made the first few days after moving.

I go and check, and someone has gone on a rant about how “if you actually HAD money, then maybe you’d know why Yaletown is so great.” Blah blah add a few more sentences about how their family has lived in Yaletown for years and how of course no one has big dogs here because we all live in apartments.

So basically, here’s what I have to say to that.

#1, I JUST moved, and was giving MY first impressions on Yaletown. Pretty much all of them are still right.

#2, Money isn’t everything, and a LOT of people don’t have titloads of money to spend on the useless shit that you can buy when you’re rich. You know what? People are starving to death in this city, and all over the world, so forgive me if I got a degree in a profession that won’t pay me as much, but at least I am trying to make the world a better place. When I see assholes like you yukking it up with a $6 ice cream cone in your hand, I have trouble justifying it.

#3, Yes, there are a lot of apartments here, but you know what? A lot of them are 1800 square feet and take up the entire top floor of most of the apartment buildings in this district, and cost at least a million. I just happen to see a lot of designer dogs. I am a dog lover, yes, but when I see a dog wearing Juicy couture and then I see a homeless man sleeping on the street, I have a problem with that. I’m sorry that you don’t.

#4, MY post, MY opinion.

Anyhow, I guess it was viewed like 200 times, which could potentially mean that 200 angry people from Yaletown are going to come get me, so I just deleted it because so many people take offense to things that are made as COMEDY.

I make jokes. That’s how I get through the day. I’m sorry your mother raised you to be a dickhole, but when I see that the people in this city will pay $60 for A BOTTLE OF WATER, I think that’s hilarious.

Yes, this bottle of water, so elegantly displayed on this woman’s ass costs $60 a BOTTLE. FOR WATER. How can anyone NOT think that is ridiculous?! This product actually boasts that it is marketed to the “Super Luxury” market.

That’s right all you luxurious people, you are fucking old news. There is now this entire world of extremely pricey SUPER LUXURY products you can waste your money on.

Steve actually heard someone at the market where they sell this water say, “You know what says decadence to me? A nice asiago cheese.”

I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard someone talk about the need for decadence. Is that on Maslow’s Hierarchy?

I didn’t think so.

Anyhow, I make jokes, and I think it’s downright laughable that there’s a district so interested in “decadence” so close to many communities in dire need. That’s why I make jokes! BECAUSE IT IS FUNNY.

I never said I hated it here. It’s really lovely. I love my apartment. I love feeling safe and living in a nice area. I love my underground parking and how I can walk everywhere. I don’t love how people can forget that water is still water, no matter where it comes from, and we should be thankful that we have clean water to drink in the first place.

This is where the magic happens.

That little red circle is the general radius of where I like to make good times happen. There’s some good eats, good bookstores, good clothing, and good doggie supply stores. All in all, I can actually get more entertainment out of this little circle than in all of Calgary! That’s pretty scary.

In other glorious news, the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit is opening at the Vancouver Art Gallery soon and I am pretty extatic about it! I’ll finally get to see paintings by another of the three great female artists I’ve studied (Emily Carr, Geogia O’Keefe, and Frida Kahlo). That’s 2/3! Woo! Now I just need to find a Frida Kahlo exhibition and I will be artistically spoiled!

Here’s some of what Ms. O’Keefe has created:

Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!

Rain rain…

I’ve been pretty blaze for the past week on here. I think I am having a momentary lapse in inspiration on here.

It’s raining nice and hard today, which is a nice turn of events from the week of sort of cloudy-not-quite-raining-but-almost-raining weather.

Now the skies are finally on release, which makes it look like I am on the absolute edge of the world from the bridge I take home every day.

It looks like there is just mist and ocean, and it’s really beautiful, but unfortunately I don’t feel particularly safe operating a camera while I try as a member of four lanes of one-way traffic to merge into ONE LANE (stupid city planning on that one!). You’d think the ocean were just at room temperature, and that you could just swim on forever into nothing. It’s really beautiful.

People are saying that the first winter here is the hardest, and I guess with the arrival of Autumn I am seeing a little taste of Winter. Weather seems to have sped up in Canada to one season faster than it should be moving.
It’s still really green here, which is a shocking change from the turdy brown that Calgary is likely turning into right about now. It’s also still almost 16 degrees at night. Every night. I can still sit at night with the patio doors open and listen to the SOOTHING sounds of people honking furiously at each other while trying to get onto the busy bridge by my apartment.
Okay, that part isn’t so great.
The fact that we can sit in the living room with the patio door open and take in all the fresh air and night sky is really lovely though.
I really love it here.
I was walking by a mall last night and could smell the sea air, and all I could think is “how in the world am I lucky enough to be right beside the sea??”
I thought it would be the mountains that I would love, but truly the ocean is winning me over. I am enamoured by the smells and the life-force that the ocean holds. How it provides so much for all the beauty out here, and how it is so absolutely enormous, but so quiet at the same time.
I haven’t even put my toes in the ocean yet. I haven’t in my entire life. I have touched the ocean with a hand once when I was about 15 and was on a vacation with a friend in San Fransisco, and that was the one and only time.
Funny that life can be busy enough that living by the sea leaves me no real time to visit the sea!
I should do something about that.

January 2020
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262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.