Archive for the 'general' Category

I shall choke all the Customer Service Reps I Can Grab

I can’t remember how many customer service reps I’ve talked to within the last 3 hours, but I’d like them all to take a fork to the eye.  I think I’ve spent more time on hold than I’ve actually spent speaking to someone.  Now I’m feelin’ kind of stabby.

I’m gonna do my best to post once each weekday next month, even though I suppose I’m just a little early for NaPoBloMo in November.  I’ve been too sparse, and we all like to have a little bit to read at work, don’t we?

Today the government finally released the “National Do Not Call List” registration, and hot damn did I get right on that list.  I can’t stand telemarketers!  I couldn’t even stand calling people when I worked for charities!  Okay, charities aren’t included, but I’m pretty sure anyone who has had to do a job where you have to try and “sell” things to people, you just get abused on the phone all day.  Can we just go our separate ways?!  A divorce from solicitation phone calls?


Speaking of solicitation, I saw quite the pantless hooker last night…IN YALETOWN.  Come on now, in Yaletown they pay for fancy hookers, or “Escorts” as the *classier* of the John’s would call them.  Which, I think I saw one waiting for a dude the other day in the lobby.  Man, the sex workers are thriving with lubricants in Vancouver!  Anyhooker, the “lady of the night” that I saw, was wearing a leather jacket, cropped white top, and panties.  Did I forget pants?  NO!  THERE WEREN’T ANY!  And to top it off, she was workin’ it outside of a Staples Business Depot.  Niiiiiiiiiice.

Video Call Time!

So I had a video conversation with my friend, Blondie tonight, and she found a way to take screen captures during our conversation.  I had no idea how to do this to her, and as such, we just get to look a ridiculous pictures of me by myself!


And just for good measure, here’s some other photos I saw while I was cleaning files off my computer:

I should have gotten these glasses, no?

Look at the sweet jowls on my dog. Awesome.  So stretchy.  So good.

You’re doing it wrong!

I was thinking about the age-old question I asked maybe a month or so ago of whether you bunch or fold your tp.  Then someone brought it up at work and I started to think that an even better question is whether you put the tp roll on so that the sheet comes OVER the top, or UNDER the bottom.
These are absolutely the most simple things that cause insane amounts of chaos when people disagree, especially if they live together.
I just assumed my whole life that the roll went over.  Whenever someone put it on the other way, I assumed that they did it wrong, so I would correct it and put it on so it was back to being over.
Then I met someone who was bent on putting the roll UNDER.  It was like talking to someone from bizzaro-land, where everything is backwards.
I’m trying to understand the physics behind why putting the roll on under would be better to putting it on over?
When the roll is over I feel like I have more control over the sheets I get.  If it’s under, I feel like I’ve got to manhandle the roll to get the right amount of paper off.
This is one of those situations similar to not putting the cap on toothpaste, or, for that matter, putting the cap on and *gasp* not wiping the extra toothpaste off the cap!

I am not a wiper-of-toothpaste, but I will say that I can see where the wipers are coming from, because you’re saving yourself the issue later of having to try and wipe the cap off with a piece of tp, only to remember that toothpaste pretty much GLUES itself to tp and then you’ve got a toothpaste AND tp problem happening.  I don’t know a good way to even deal with that.  Automatically I grab tp or a tissue to wipe the tube, and ALWAYS I end up with a ripped piece of tp stuck to the opening.  I never think to just finger the crap off the side, because for whatever reason I don’t want to actually touch the toothpaste with my hand.
As if the worst thing in the bathroom is toothpaste.  I think NOT!  Plenty of other poopy-related things happen in the bathroom that are much worse than toothpaste goo.

Seriously though

Man, what a crap job I have done of updating over the past week! Boo to me!

I managed to seriously injure my neck, which is to say that I pulled a muscle and began an intense regime of whining on the weekend. I couldn’t figure out why in the world my neck would be so over-extended, and I even got Steve to crack my back, but no, the pain continued. Now before you make some sexual joke at my expense, THAT IS NOT WHY MY NECK HURTS.

Honestly I couldn’t figure out what has been causing my pain, or for that matter, making it worse by the day. I thought maybe it was some disc in my spine out of alignment, but I really didn’t wan to spend $50 at the chiropractor, and I don’t know how much I trust those people anyway. I’m just going to have to blame my back problems on my dear, sweet mother who thoroughly enjoyed cracking my back when I was little. I think I can remember having my back cracked when I was maybe five? Maybe that was just her trying to kill me, but I guess we’ll never know. What I do know is that her cracking a child’s back has left me with the constant need to have it cracked, even though I would think I am young enough to not be able to even have a problem with my spine.

You’d even think with my slippery bones that I’d recover nicely. That, or lube up my joints with some WD-40.

Anyhow, I came to the realization this morning that it has been my PILLOW OF DEATH from Ikea that has been the problem. I just got it two weeks ago, and my neck problems have been around for a week. I noticed yesterday I was doing okay, and then BLAMO! I wake up again feeling like my head tried to walk off on its own WITHOUT MY BODY. I even did research and learned what kind of pillow height I need (I sleep on my tummy). Apparently the Swedes only have skulls that weigh ten ounces, because this pillow is still stuffed up to the hilt, leaving my nose full of pillow when I lay down.

At this point I am either going to suffocate during the night, or brake my spine. BUT WHICH TO CHOOSE?!

In other news, when your neck hurts badly, do not continue to try and go for your every-other-day run. Especially don’t do it after eating six deviled eggs. I somehow didn’t piece it together and almost barfed on the treadmill.

Also, okay, I haven’t been exercising that long, but seriously, if I go to the gym at night and want to run for a half hour, I am pretty much going to want to kill the idiot girl who decides to walk beside her boyfriend on a treadmill dressed in jeans and flip flops. YOU ARE WASTING VALUABLE LMIZZLE BUTT SWEAT TIMES! Plus, who in their right mind walks on a treadmill for a half hour in flip flops?! What a great workout. Now my feet are totally muscular from having to try and hold flip flops on my feet for 30 minutes at a high speed.

Mmmm, muscular feet. I know, right?

And finally, you can expect more photos to come. Not many of the apartment as there is laundry currently strewn about and a few more last-minute boxes, but at least the apartment is looking like a home more than a storage facility these days!

Also, note to dog owners: if you give your dogs deviled eggs in an attempt to get rid of them because you made WAAAAY too many, they will fart. A LOT. Nuclear farts. Farts so stinky they could use the gas to kill inmates at correctional facilities.

Possibly the Ugliest Woman on Earth…and Maybe Man…

If this isn’t enough to keep you away from Scientology, nothing is.

Water Sports!

Okay, I’m not going to engage in any kind of “pee party” with anyone, but I wanted to take you with me on my journey of attempting to actually drink eight glasses of water a day.

Does anyone actually drink 8 glasses a day?

I drank MAYBE half a litre today so far, and I feel like I drank a fish tank.

I am also peeing like I am made ENTIRELY of water.

This ought to make for an interesting evening…

Flowers. Because they’re DELICIOUS.

Who needs vegetables?!

April 2020
2627282930 collective fashion consciousness.