Archive for the 'dogs' Category

Working with Animals

I guess I should clarify now that I’m back on track. Around the beginning of March my two bosses called all of the employees in (all 3 of us) and said that the business was doing shitty. They might have to shut down.
Then they had a private meeting with each of us.
My meeting consisted of me being told that because I was Admin, I was a luxury and didn’t bring any money in.
*Even though I billed all of the clients. And made sure the bills were paid. And rounded up slow-paying clients.*
So because I didn’t technically put in any “billable” time.
I either had to accept the offer of working one to two days a week (NOT POSSIBLE) or I had to find a new job.
So I found a new job.
And I guess I shouldn’t describe it as an animal shelter because technically we don’t have a shelter. But we work with animals and help people pay emergency vet bills and try to keep animals out of the circus, rodeo, etc. That’s probably all I ought to say about it because we all know what happened when I was too forthcoming with job info on my blog.
Now I work with 4 dogs, which is pretty nice. I get to take breaks to pet and walk dogs instead of writing invoices. I can get used to this! I even got to bring the pugs to work with me already. That ended up being a bit much as the dogs were on sensory overload from smelling so many smells from other dogs. Or maybe it’s because Winston peed on 5 things. Either way, I’m glad there’s a carpet cleaner here.

I am going to smash that ice cream treat right in your face.

I like to sit on one of my legs most of the time at my desk.  An old boss kept saying, “don’t do that, it’s not good for you!” to which I said, “you shut your dirty mouth!”  No, I didn’t say that.  I moved off my leg.  But damnit, I can only sit in that perfect at-your-desk position for so long!  

I happen to be wearing green patent flats today, which is important to note for the purposes of both fashion AND what I’m about to explain.

Really, there’s only so long I can sit at my desk and not move, so even if I sit on my leg, I need to eventually go back to the standard way of sitting.  So I usually am able to just slide my foot out from under my other leg and put it on the ground.  Except that today, because my shoes are made from patent, and because I sit in an imitation leather chair, and because I am in the office with only one other dude, my shoe happens to make a sound exactly like a grotesque fart.


So basically that happened like 2 minutes ago, and I was so shocked by the sound, that I just dragged my shoe across the chair in hopes that it would just make more squeaks so that I didn’t sound like I was going to have a burst of explosive diarrhea! 

Aaaand I didn’t want to directly address the awful noise I made, because my co-worker isn’t terribly talkative….

So that’s my afternoon, in a nutshell!

On another front, I was walking Zelda last night and everything was fine until she saw some Lassie sort of dog and started to make little “I am going to go apeshit in 10 seconds” noises as we passed the dog, and so I just kept on walking briskly, and then the woman walking the dog was like, “Aww, what’s wrong with your dog?”

“She got attacked by a lab at a dog park, so I am doing rehabilitation work.”

And as I am trying to walk away, she edges her hand towards Zelda, expecting me to walk over to her and let her pet Zelda and “make it all better.”

“Sorry, I’m doing rehabilitation work, I’ve got to be moving on.”

and I speed walk away.  But seriously, I can sort of see why someone would want to pet Zelda as she’s making those noises, but when I TELL YOU that I am doing rehabilitation work, why would you think I’d walk right up to you, and the dog that my dog is starting to freak out at?  Do you think my dog will just “calm down?” if she gets to smell your dog?  Um, and did I mention that this woman’s dog BARKED at Zelda, thus beginning a louder squealing process?

“Oh yeah, I can see that your dog clearly doesn’t want my dog near it, so sure I’ll just come right over and talk to you about what a poor dog my dog must be, and that because she’s making all this noise I am a terrible dog person.  In fact, why don’t I just bark in YOUR face and see how you react?  Or maybe I’ll just scream in your face in short bursts so you can see what it’s like for my dog to see other dogs.

Fuuuuuuuck.  It’s like sometimes you don’t even bother because some people can be pretty stupid, but then other times I kind of go, “Seriously?!  Is this how people think?!  I am going to slap every stranger I see.”

Or maybe I should just slap other stupid dog owners?  Like every time someone wants to pet Zelda when she is barking I will just smack them across their face.  Or maybe just like put my palm against their nose and puuuuuuush them away.


I ought to take up walking the pugs at like midnight so I don’t have to deal with other dogs.  Damnit!

Just when you think it’s safe…

BLAM!  Your little pug takes a huge dump and eats it while you’re blowdrying your hair!

I thought we were mostly past the turd-burgling but by the lip smacking I saw this morning, baby Zelda doesn’t seem to be over the poop munchies.

 Interestingly, I think she might have been more into the poop because her and Winston knocked over a sour apple slurpee into their litter box and must have slurped some up while I was out on Monday (GROSS).  Anyhow, both of them are pooping green at the moment, which leaves them both as suspects. 

Also in dog news, I’ve come to realize over the past week that in my sleep I am actually accomodating the dogs while I am sleeping.  I am physically pushing my own body to the edge of my bed, and manage to give the dogs about two people worth of space, so that when I wake up, I’m all like AAAAGH MY SPINE!!!!  I’m not really sure how to solve this.  I love the puppies sleeping with us, but I have to figure out how to force myself some room in my sleep! 

Dear unconscious me,

You are being stupid.  Why are you letting the pugs take up all the space in the bed?!  You are the master!  Do you want your spine to curl into a pretzel??  Shape up!



Happy Howl-o-ween!




The Elevator of my discontent.

Ahh, baby Zelda. Since that other dog attacked you, you have been quite the bundle of….fun?

Any time Zelda sees another large dog now, she will set out on a massive freak out, not even barking, but SCREAMING at them. That gets Winston started, and soon I have two pugs making the most ridiculous “barks” at an extremely loud volume, which pretty much embarasses the hell out of me.

I tried checking out Cesar Milan, but he uses a collar to train dogs that I can’t really use on a pug, so I feel kind of stuck on that front.

I tried food bribes, which seems to work….oh….50% of the time.

Holding them down doesn’t work either because they are so set on just SCREAMING that holding them down just makes them freak out more, and frankly, it’s a little difficult to hold down TWO dogs that are flipping out.


I think it’s pretty much back to the drawing board for these puppies! I’ve got to get back to really simple training and try and slowly introduce them back into doggie society.

Until then, I get to experience fun times like having people on an elevator literally shut my dogs, Steve and I out because they are barking at someone’s dog who started barking first. Those people will get a nice poopy surprise outside their doors I suspect.

Get out your nose plugs

I am currently sitting between two of the stinkiest dogs in the city! They keep silently tooting out these horrific farts. It’s always the ones that don’t make noise that stink the WORST. I guess maybe the dogs are extra stinky from me having to give them “don’t eat your own poop” pills. I started them on a new brand yesterday because I managed to catch Zelda face first in a turd a few days ago.
I just don’t get it. How can a turd taste any worse? I mean, I haven’t eaten a turd myself, so I wouldn’t really know the fine dining that is poop, but I really can’t see anything appetizing about a steaming hot pile of poop.

What’s a dog owner to do?

I bring another question to the people, specifically to the dog owners of the world.

Last night I took Winston and Zelda on a walk with Steve to the dog park, as per usual. We’re mingling with the dog owners and the pups are mixing it up. I think we are maybe there for 20 minutes? Anyhow, while we are discussing the unusually large number of crows hanging around the dog park (I’m talking like maybe 150), I turn to look at Zelda and Winston, because Winston has taken a liking to barking his smokers cough of a bark at large dogs. Now, I think this may eventually get him into touble with a big dog, but then again, I don’t speak bark, so I have no idea what he’s barking about.

So I look at the dogs and they are hanging around a golden lab kind of dog, when literally OUT OF NOWHERE the dog turns nasty, and in a split second, has grabbed Zelda by the throat, which in turn strikes the fear of 10,000 dogs into my heart as I hear Zelda let out the most earth-shattering, frightening dog scream I have ever heard. The lab shakes her a few times and lets go, and Zelda is laying on the grass SCREAMING for her life. Not whimpering, because if you had heard the noises she was making, you would have known the incredible amount of pain she was in.

She wouldn’t stop for a few seconds, and Steve and I gave her an EXTREMELY thorough once-ver to determine if she was bleeding.

This is the most terrified I have ever been in my life. To think that in under two seconds that another dog could end her life is absolutely more than I can bear to even think about. Thank the all-mighty Jesus himself, Zelda was okay, she was just screaming in fear. The dog did, however, break a blood vessel in her eye, at which point I began to think of our pug friend Winston Pugsworth , and how he was also attacked at the park. Luckily, we checked her eye at home and her reaction to light and she seems to be okay.

I remember seeing the man whose dog attatcked Zelda, and how he just kind of strolled over to his dog and made the dog sit down for a second. The man never apologized, and the man never asked if she was okay. In fact, he didn’t say a word to us.

This made me want to run over to him and kick him square in the balls.

How can a dog owner not even CHECK to see if the dog that THEIR dog attacked is okay? I mean, is that it? You just get to walk away after your dog viciously grabs another dog by the THROAT in an attempt to cause pain, and you don’t even feel like saying sorry? Is that the kind of world we live in? Even still, is the person liable if my dog gets seriously injured, or is that just the risk dog owners take when they bring their dog to play at the park? Last time I checked, people borught their dogs to the park to socialize and play, not to mame and try to kill other dogs. Yes, I know that sometimes conflict happens at the park, and some dogs don’t get along, but when someone’s dog viciously attacks my dog without any provoking (as she was just standing within reach, just STANDING), are they not responsible for taking the disciplinary action on their own dog after it attacks another dog?

Am I alone on this? I just don’t understand how after this man’s dog attacked my dog, that he wouldn’t have disciplined his dog, and never checked to see if Zelda was ALIVE still.

Not like I am looking to straight up sue a dude, but if either of my dogs ever attacked another dog, they would be flipped on their back so fast and held down for a HUGE time out that they wouldn’t know how they got there.

That’s it? You just get to walk off, scott free feeling totally fine with the fact that your dog tried to break another dog’s neck? If that’s the case, I am staying the hell away from the dog park. It’s not worth it.

February 2020
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23242526272829 collective fashion consciousness.