Archive for the 'Christmas' Category

Start Decking Those Halls

Ahhh, now things are looking a little more festive.  The city began decorating on the first of the month, which is a new Christmas record I think for over-eager decorating to induce consumer madness.  The lights are pretty though, and they make a good tether to choke other shoppers with!

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT SWEATER, BIATCH!”

The best decorating I’ve seen so far has been this bus, which I saw while driving yesterday.  I almost crashed into it with excitement, but then I thought, hey, I’ll never see it again if I drive right into it.  bus.jpg

My lack of posting on the weekend was due to Zelda and Winston being sick.  I am pretty sure Winston has a cold, as he sounds like an SUV when he breathes, but Zelda had a more interesting illness that involved vomiting about 20 times in a row until she was shivering.  Not the best way to wake up on a Sunday morning.

She’s okay now, so no worries there, but just seeing your poor little dog heaving up spit because there’s just nothing left in her tummy was painful to watch.  Okay, not nearly as painful as actually vomiting that many times, but I was just left there helpless, trying to hold her as she heaved. 

I’m not sure what brought on the heaves, but I decided that it was time to switch ingredients with the doog food I’ve been making them.  The meals turn out to be really cheap when you cook anyhow, so I figured that paying $3 more for chicken breast instead of beef was a small cost in the grand scheme of things.  Instead of the usual beef, rice, and carrots, now they are getting sweet potato, chicken, and green beans!  Man, these meals sound better than most of the things I know how to cook for humans!

Can I just tell you how weird it is to cook ground chicken?!  It looks like popcorn when it cooks, which is just about the sickest thing I’ve ever seen.  The nice thing is that it doesn’t really smell at all, and there’s pretty much no fat.  BONUS FOR VEGETARIANS WHO COOK MEAT FOR THEIR DOGS!

That was pretty much my weekend.  Cleaning up dog barf and cuddling them after.  Boo!

I did get inspired by Noman’s mom’s post about knitting and went and got myself some bamboo needles and new yarn!  Woo!  I learned how to knit in high school when I was in Fashion Studies, but it was really hard to learn because I am left handed and my teacher was right handed.  It just turned into one confusing ordeal, so I tried on my own to reasonable success.  I haven’t picked up the needles for a long time, but it was really relaxing to get into a grand attempt at a scarf again!  I think I might look into crochet and see if I can pick that up easily as well.  You can make all kinds of crazy stuff when you knit, and I am looking forward to actually making something again, as my art school days have long since passed.  Maybe a trip to Michaels is in store today? 

Can I tell you how much I love the smell of a craft store?  I could work a twelve hour day in a craft store, just based on the smell.  I love the smell of freshly cut wood, crafters glue, fake flowers and potpurri!  Maybe I was a little prarie settler in a previous life??

Merrry Christmas to my peeps!


Hark! The naked angel dude with a gift wants everyone to have a nice, happy Christmas!

Oooooooh yeah!

It’s Christmas Eve Y’all

and none of my family is in town!

Well, I guess that’s not true, my retarded dad is in town, and I’m not even kidding about the retarded part! He got into an accident when I was ten and is brain injured. As you can see I have had almost fourteen years to get over it!

So I’m having another Christmas with my family gone. It’s pretty fucking weak I have to say! I have a pretty…shall we say “interesting” family, so holidays are the time that give me the most insane material to write about. Sadly for the last two years my family have all gone their separate ways, leaving me by myself. I mean, I have somewhere to go, but it’s not the same.

Anyhow, I do have some delightful stories including Xrayeagle being back in town and getting to meet Squiggle for the first time (yay!), but I’ll save those for a time when I feel a little more smiley.

MERRY…..Christmas?

Deck the halls with people in SUV’s who get pissed at people in parking lots because they only just started their Christmas shopping…

Yes, for some reason I braved the mall today. I decided after conducting my annual “Pre Boxing Day” sweep of Chinook (so I can get in and the hell out) for Boxing Day that I am not going to go Boxing Day Shopping. Usually I like to get up early and get the hell into the crazy mall to buy loads of shit. I actually saw absolutely nothing I wanted to get at the mall, so I decided to just buy myself some stuff at American Apparel and be done with any retail therapy until mid-January.
I do enjoy the people that end up at the mall around this time of year….you know, the people who otherwise never go out in public. There were several of what I like to call “Boredom Clusters.” These clusters are composed entirely of men. These men have been dragged to the mall to go shopping with their wives, but instead of actually going INTO any stores, they opt to huddle together in mall seating areas and balconies. Many of these men wear the everyman uniform of a baseball hat, jeans, and runners. Some even get really dressed up in the Canadian Tuxedo, which consists of an outfit entirely composed of jeans. Do they make jean socks? I hope for these men that they do.
I also was witness to some of the stinkiest smells my nose has ever had the misfortune of encountering. Is the general public opposed to showering and hygiene? I mean, I know times can be tight right now because of shopping, but we’re all in this together folks, and it’s really crowded in the malls, so let’s do everyone else a favor and STAY CLEAN. Mall department stores even have TONS of sample cologne and perfumes right now…there’s really no excuse to smell like a dirty old bag of sphincters. Steve just told me that every human being has approximately 42 sphincters, so let me clarify by saying “dirty old ass holes, or ass cracks, or even anal sphincter.” FORTY TWO SPHINCTERS?! Yikes.
Anyhow, the other thing I love to watch for at this time of year are those people with hair so crazy I want to just shave them bald. EVERYWHERE. Mullets, skullets, feathered hair, combovers and obviously over-teased hair are suddenly as evident as a teenage boner in gym class.

In other news, I managed to live on $60 for two weeks. HOW IN THE HELL?! I even had $10 left over! Who knew in this day and age that it was possible?! Luckily I don’t have to do it again though.

Another Sweater for Zelda

Zelda says, “Merry Christmas!” and for her Christmas, Zelda got another little sweater from Candace!




T’was the…

Pug Before Christmas. <—Click to watch!

Oh Christmas Tree…

Here’s an example of how “interesting” the people in my family can be.

I put up my Christmas tree a few weeks ago. I got this Christmas tree from my mother. She dropped it off at my house on a Saturday afternoon. A few hours later she called to see how the set-up was going. Here’s pretty much how the conversation went:

“Hi, I was just calling to see how the tree is going?”

“Oh I finished setting everything up already.”

“WHAT?! DID YOU FEATHER THE BRANCHES?! DID YOU GET ALL THE LIGHTS WORKING?!”

“Uhhh, yup.”

“HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!!?!?”

“Ummm, I dunno, I just put up the tree.”

“WHAT?!?!?”

Anyhow, my mom proceeded to phone my sister to find out how in the hell I was able to get the Christmas tree up so fast without it looking like shit.

I dunno, but I have no idea how it takes her a week to put up a tree, and then not take it down until March…

Silent Night(s)

Hello! I am a bad blogger this week, but not to fear, for I have a good reason! My adopt a family exchanges are happening this week and I am working 12 hour days. I’ve looked at more Excel spreadsheets than I’ve ever wanted to, and I’ve even organized a cheese platter (dangerous, because I am likely to eat a LOT of cheese).
Luckily we have been having a realy good time making some Christmas wishes come true! More to come…

O Holy Crap

Yes indeed friends, the holidays are here again. Time to gather ’round the yule log, or any brown log you may have handy, and listen to this horrific rendition of O Holy Night. I don’t know who this is, or if it came off of a real CD, all I know is just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.

Grab some egg nog and have a listen!


(or download an mp3.)

Yes indeed. The holidays are built on tradition, and what better tradition than listening to someone who sounds like a drunk uncle belt out O Holy Night in all of it’s holy mess.


July 2020
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