Dear Quantum of Solace,

quantumofsolaceposterYou were okay. Not great.  Not bad.  Somewhere in the middle.  Like when you have toast for breakfast.  You were my breakfast toast.  Sort of dry, but still good. Naturally Daniel Craig as Bond didn’t disappoint me, but somehow the story was hollow.  Less campy, more plain?  But then again there were certain boat chases and fights on scaffolding that weren’t boring.

Your leading ladies were hotties, as usual.  But even with sexy ladies it felt sort of empty.  Your leading lady was lovely, but you didn’t slam her like each and every other Bond girl.

Why the lack of slamming?  Were you trying to step above the over-the-top sexual nature of Bond?

Well, okay, you totally slammed that other Bond girl, but I didn’t really feel any connection to that chick.  And she looked like she was 17, which made it sort of creepy. And Bond was just sort of like, “Hello there, nice to meet you, would you help me with my pants? I’ll be needing them off to slam you.” And that was maybe 2 minutes after we met this young lady.  I didn’t even care about her.  But you are known for slamming many ladies, Bond, so I’ll let it slide.

And where were your gadgets?  I didn’t spot a single gadget.  Mind you, Daniel Craig pretty much just kicked the shit out of everyone with his bare hands, and that impressed me enough to sort of make up for the lack of gadgets.  But aren’t the gadgets part of the camp?

Why so serious, Bond?

I thought you were going to be bigger, more glamorous, more outrageous.  Like seeing a drag queen on a dating website, but instead just getting a handsome man. Still good, but not what you were looking for.

Maybe it’s because there were Canadians involved with this movie?  Did you notice how much you brought up Canadians?  There was even a Canadian agent in the movie.  When I think of Canada, I don’t think of any sort of spies.  I think of back bacon, and maple syrup, even though I can’t remember the last time I had back bacon or maple syrup, you know?

Anyway, I’d still pay the $13 that I did to see you, but I don’t think I’d buy you on DVD.

Now Wall-E, that’s another story…

Ok bai!

13 Responses to “Dear Quantum of Solace,”

  1. 1 Jess & Clover November 20, 2008 at 6:35 am

    Thanks for the review! I still haven’t seen this movie or Wall-E!!

  2. 2 Eduardo November 20, 2008 at 7:49 am

    BOL! Oh your bluntness makes me enjoy this blog so much! Thanks for the review Mommy will wait to rent the movie now!
    Hugs & Snugs
    Eduardo the Snuggle Puggle

  3. 3 Nevis November 20, 2008 at 10:17 am

    I saw this movie last Saturday and I agree with you…it was kinda hollow and sorta all over the place. Kinda boring, too? I mean, I wanted a bad guy or some cool henchman like Jaws. But it was kinda like a Borne movie with one long chase sequence after another.

    However, Daniel Craig is totally hot and I did enjoy seeing him prancing about mostly nakey.

  4. 4 lex November 20, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Oh.. that just screams disapointment.. booo… and I loved the first one.. I am sure the hubby will take me to see this anyways since he loved Casino Royale and he is looking forward to it. And I really want to see Wall-E.. i have a feeling we will end up owning both in Blu-ray eventually.. silly boy.

  5. 5 doozy November 20, 2008 at 10:35 am

    I agree, Mr. Craig is delish, but the bad guy didn’t seem all that threatening. I think they were maybe trying to make him look like a rat, though I don’t know that they managed to do that either.

  6. 6 ultratoast November 20, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Hee hee!

    This is my favourite review of the movie. I would tag the promotional poster for this review with the tagline ‘laugh out loud funny’.

    To quote a friend on the issue of the slam:

    ‘If there’s grass on the pitch, lets play.’

    Personally, I think grassy pitches do not necessarily make for a tastefully played game.

    I saw Solace at the oldest continuously operated cinema in the world – The Curzon.

  7. 7 Doozy November 20, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    Yes, I agree, I think maybe I got my first pube in like grade….6? HAHAHA, that sounds sick. I remember it distinctly because I thought it was a stray hair and I tried to pick it off and I ended up YANKING it. Needless to say, that’s when I knew I was becoming a lady.

  8. 8 dryhumourwetcoast November 21, 2008 at 12:00 am

    and WHAT A LADY!

  9. 9 Nevis November 21, 2008 at 10:23 am

    Oh my! How did we go from Quantum of Solace to pube plucking?

  10. 10 justbooksandmovies November 21, 2008 at 10:56 am

    Good review. You made me laugh! And you spotted the right things. Gemma Aterton was really pure non-sense. And what was wrong with her face? Did they run out of foundation at the make up? On my blog, I have a slightly different take on the matter, indeed a Bond’s movie needs a better script. And you are kind to spare the confusing title, I find out the good answer for that, i put it in my review:

    thanks anyway.

  11. 11 justbooksandmovies November 21, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Ok! Now I understand why the “canadian” spy! I was wondering of all states why did they pick up a canadian agent! Well you showed me the light! I read that as well about Craig picking up the title, as he did not want anything with blood or death. Yet, they could have attempted to explain it instead of confusing things with the final half remark by green “i told you everything about Quantum”… but we have no clou! Well let’s forget it… Wall-e is certainly better, i watched it some days ago and loved it. Ciao

  12. 12 doozy November 21, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Haha, Nevis, I just like to take things to a nice uncomfortable level.

  13. 13 Christine, Giggs & Mea November 21, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    I liked it! I’m not a huge fan of campy James Bond though. I never liked James Bond movies before Daniel Craig came along. I find gritty kick-ass Bond WAY sexier. Or maybe I’m just missing the point of 007 movies.
    I think the Bond character is a little empty in this movie because he’s supposed to be. It’s just after losing his woman, after all. And true, the villain wasn’t scary, but I sure did hate him. This installment was definitely more political than most, but again, I liked that.

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November 2008
30 collective fashion consciousness.


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