Archive for October, 2008

Sunset and the Candy Dog

I know it’s Autumn, and that daylight savings will be coming into effect soon, but I really wish the earth would tilt normally and at least make it light out until maybe 7:30.  I won’t have anything to say to the sun (I’m looking at YOU, sun) if it would just make Canada light for an extra hour at night.  

Does anyone else feel like a slug right after Summer?  It’s like the entire side of the world slows down, and everyone goes into hiding until its Spring again.

When it’s dark out early and I’m inside I start to think too much.  Then I start thinking thoughts like, “Do veins just ‘end’ at the tips of my fingers, or do veins keep going in a circle?  If you say, had a tumor that you wanted cut off, but there was a nerve growing into the tumor, could they just lop the tumor off and sew up the nerve ending back inside your normal body?  Or would you wake up going insane from the nerve pain?  And if they brain helps trigger our movement, how do people do unconscious things like bite their nails and not even notice?”

Such is what I am currently pondering.

Do you ever look at your dog and think, “You are a little ANIMAL.  I have an animal just roaming around my house all day and night.  But you’re more than an animal, you’re like this weird in-between a human and animal.  And how great is it that we actually can understand each other and communicate?”  I get those thoughts every now and again. These creatures that I love that aren’t human are just wandering around all day, hangin, eating, pooping, playing, and sleeping.  I wish I could videotape them to see what they do all day.  Though they seem to get into more shenanigans when I just leave for a minute rather than the whole day.

A few days ago I was looking at Zedla as she laid down on the couch and we met eyes and then out of nowhere she produces part of an empty Kit Kat wrapper out of her mouth and just looks at me.  Shame on me for leaving my Halloween-sized Kit Kat wrapper on the coffee table.  It was ridiculous to see her do that.  It was like on 30 Rock when Kathy pulls a Matchbox car out of her mouth when Liz talks to her.

Just like, “Oh, here’s something for you to look at.  I like to keep candy bar wrappers in my mouth until just the right moment. See?  Here’s a Kit Kat wrapper.  Enjoy.”

Mo money mo problems

Cars are such money pits, but damn if they don’t get you around a hell of a lot faster than walking.


Isn’t Canadian money so pretty?  I love it.  It’s like shopping with rainbows.  And then spending all your rainbow on your OLD CAR.

If there weren’t so many effing people in Vancouver I wouldn’t be paying such a ridiculous amount of money for the next year in insurance, but poo poo, I’m paying 1.5 times as much as I did in Calgary to drive.

On the bright side, I can now drive all over the place.  HEY EVERYWHERE, HERE I COME.

My Sunday in Pictures

The Stall of Humiliation


Nevis brought up an interesting question today, to which I will answer with a post!
Am I a bathroom stall farter?
To put it simply, no.  But we know there’s more to the story than that!
I can’t say I’ve ever farted in a public bathroom stall when I’ve had control.  I am pretty sure I’ve slipped up more than once though and it just came tooting out like a trumpet.  If I can contain myself, I will.  If I am sure it will come out silently, I will let it out.  If I know it will be loud, I try and either squeeze it out slowly as not to create a noise, or I will hold it in.
Seriously, I have trouble even peeing in a public bathroom stall.  I believe this developed while I worked in Banff for some reason.  Probably because the bathrooms were VERY small and usually only had two….WAIT!  I know when it started.  It started earlier in college.  So I used to go to the bathroom before this one particular class in the mornings, and we were in a weird old part of the college where the bathrooms were, for whatever reason, hidden.  I have drawn a map for reference.
Each pink star is a door.  As you can see, for some reason you had to walk through 3 doors to get INTO the bathroom.  It was a disaster from the start.  
Anyway, so I get up to go to the bathroom before class and go into a stall.  Now, there’s maybe 3 stalls in there.  I’m by myself, so I let one rip, but just as I do, a classmate walked in.  And isn’t going to the bathroom.  She’s just standing doing her makeup or something.  So I sit for a minute in my own fart humiliation, waiting to see if she’d leave.  I’m thinking at this point she doesn’t know who it is, so I am safe.  So I sit for a minute, but she’s not leaving, and class is about to start, so I shamefully open the stall door and wash my hands.  We exchange awkward hellos and I go back to class.
I’m pretty sure I got so worked up over that, that I just stopped farting anywhere that there might be people!  I never asked this girl about it, but we ended up becoming pretty good school friends, so I’ve always been curious about whether she’d remember that or not.  I can tell you that I was personally quite embarrassed.  
I think that freaked me out enough that I can’t even stand to pee in a bathroom with other people, even when I’m in my own stall.  You know, as opposed to those times where you pee in broad daylight in public, am I right?  Now I have to pee while plugging my ears because otherwise I am so overly aware of the sounds I am making that I can’t even deal with it.
Colour me neurotic!
Is anyone out there doing anything weird in the crapper?

Blog fail!

Damnit, I missed a day!  I will have to make up for it by posting two times today!

 This morning I was walking to work with Steve (he walks me to work in the mornings, awww) and we get maybe 50 feet from my office building when we hear it:


From a man who owns this Chinese import business in the building next to us.  It wasn’t even subtle, it was so loud that I threw some of my coffee on myself. I mean, if you’ve got to fart, try and slip it out, but this guy almost seemed proud of it!  Shame on your bum, sir.  Shame on you.  It almost sounded like one of those farts where you accidently shit yourself a little.  I can’t get the sound out of my head.


But enough about farts, let’s talk about pugs!

Winston seems to waver between very smart and dumb.  Don’t ask me how.  Sometimes he does really dumb dog stuff, and then he’ll surprise me 10 minutes later by doing something genius.  Like When he gets so excited that he runs to jump on the couch and then bounces off because he only put 30% into the jump.  But then he’ll do something that wows me, like when you pet him and stop for a minute, and then he slaps your hand with his paw a few times to be like, “Hey, hey!  We’re not done here!”

Now that I think of it, Zelda does the same thing.  She’ll be so set on trying to catch a treat in her mouth that she will fall flat on her ass but always keep her eye on the food.  I watched her completely topple over while trying to catch a ball yesterday.  But she actually knows how to communicate with people.  Like when she wants you to throw a toy, she’ll set it ON you and whine at you, while looking at you and the toy, all the while probably thinking, “Piece it together, GEEZ!”

Coffee and Cooking

After working for Starbucks for 3 years, and now having not worked for them for about 3 years, I can still say that I am addicted to caffeine. I get a headache each day if I don’t have some sort of coffee-based item in the morning.  Oh my poor brain.  I’ve had a few moments of, “why do I feel like shit today?  I am so TIRED.  Wait wait, I haven’t had any coffee!” and then all is well again. 

Oddly enough, when you do one of those herbal cleanses, they don’t make you go off caffeine. You’d think they would want you to clear out your caffeine as well, but maybe it’s the caffeine that keeps you from going nuts.  I can vouch for that, having done a cleanse while working at Starbucks.
I’ve probably just got Starbucks on the brain because I am looking at my white mocha.  My delicious, 500 calorie white mocha.  I’m pretty sure that’s a third of what I’m supposed to intake calorie-wise on a daily basis?  But basically I am having it as a breakfast substitute, so whatever.  Breakfast it is!
On another note, has anyone bought anything that they have immediately lost?  I bought some thigh high tights from H&M and I cannot find them for the life of me.  And I bought them THREE WEEKS AGO.  They are still in the sock packaging.  I bought them so that when I wear a dress to work this Fall and Winter, my legs don’t FALL OFF from the cold.  Such is the way of the building I work in.  Heating?  Pfft.  That’s for suckers.  I don’t know where the heat even comes from in this building?  Wait wait, there’s a radiator on the exact OPPOSITE side of the room, which would explain why no one over there is cold.  Alas, I am by myself on the other side of the room, administrating my way through the day.
And just to randomly change topic again, I hope everyone  had a delightful Thanksgiving in Canada, and I hope you had a nice Columbus Day in the States!  I’d like to take a moment and brag that I cooked my first piece of meat.  EVER.  A turkey leg.  It was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever had to do, since I don’t eat meat.  But I cooked the hell out of that leg, and apparently it was delicious.  I looked up about 4 references on cooking a turkey leg, and so I was pretty sure I had it down.  Steve is still alive, so that’s a good sign that it was cooked!  Yesterday Steve asked our neighbor, Anthony about cooking meat, just to make sure.  He said it was all good.  Oh yeah, I should explain who Anthony is.  He’s this guy:

And he hosts this show:

on the Food Network!  What a good neighbor to have when you are cooking things that you are clearly not qualified to cook!  And frankly, he and his girlfriend are the best looking neighbors that anyone could have.  
Anyway, I managed to pull off a little Thanksgiving meal for Steve and I, and I also bought little doggie peanut butter cups from  this place:
I gave them to the dogs when we had pumpkin pie.  I bought two for each dog, and put them on little plates for them to enjoy.  Winston was a bastard though and managed to steal one of Zelda’s while she was trying to wolf down the first one, so he got 3 instead of 2.  What a dick!  I even tried to pry the cup out of his mouth, but he held strong and just ran away like he was covered in butter!  His punishment came later when he spent a half hour trying to throw up.  He didn’t, but he was heaving for a good amount of time.  Nothing says Thanksgiving like having to hold an old towel under your dog while he heaves!

All the yarn you can handle

It’s that time of year when I pick up my crochet hook and knitting needles and attempt to further learn how to work with yarn!  I am such an old lady.  Whatever, old ladies are sweet.

This weekend I’ve almost finished a little crochet hat, as my head gets extremely cold here in the Autumn and Winter.  Humidity?  Indeed.  Apparently the hat I’m making is called a rasta hat, but I didn’t want to make it so huge, so it’s going to look like this:

Next, I will work my way up to this hat:

complete with glass head!

Then I’ll work my way up to the delightful Japanese amigurumi cat:

And then to my project that I’ve been working on and off on for a year, argh!

I used a slightly different colour than this, but it looks the same.  I will be wearing this scarf ALL THE TIME, let me tell you.  I started this scarf in January of this year, and then stopped for the summer, as I can’t stand working with yarn when it’s hot out.  I am bound and determined to finish it!  Now if I can just stop with all of the other projects I keep starting…

October 2008
262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.