The Stall of Humiliation


Nevis brought up an interesting question today, to which I will answer with a post!
Am I a bathroom stall farter?
To put it simply, no.  But we know there’s more to the story than that!
I can’t say I’ve ever farted in a public bathroom stall when I’ve had control.  I am pretty sure I’ve slipped up more than once though and it just came tooting out like a trumpet.  If I can contain myself, I will.  If I am sure it will come out silently, I will let it out.  If I know it will be loud, I try and either squeeze it out slowly as not to create a noise, or I will hold it in.
Seriously, I have trouble even peeing in a public bathroom stall.  I believe this developed while I worked in Banff for some reason.  Probably because the bathrooms were VERY small and usually only had two….WAIT!  I know when it started.  It started earlier in college.  So I used to go to the bathroom before this one particular class in the mornings, and we were in a weird old part of the college where the bathrooms were, for whatever reason, hidden.  I have drawn a map for reference.
Each pink star is a door.  As you can see, for some reason you had to walk through 3 doors to get INTO the bathroom.  It was a disaster from the start.  
Anyway, so I get up to go to the bathroom before class and go into a stall.  Now, there’s maybe 3 stalls in there.  I’m by myself, so I let one rip, but just as I do, a classmate walked in.  And isn’t going to the bathroom.  She’s just standing doing her makeup or something.  So I sit for a minute in my own fart humiliation, waiting to see if she’d leave.  I’m thinking at this point she doesn’t know who it is, so I am safe.  So I sit for a minute, but she’s not leaving, and class is about to start, so I shamefully open the stall door and wash my hands.  We exchange awkward hellos and I go back to class.
I’m pretty sure I got so worked up over that, that I just stopped farting anywhere that there might be people!  I never asked this girl about it, but we ended up becoming pretty good school friends, so I’ve always been curious about whether she’d remember that or not.  I can tell you that I was personally quite embarrassed.  
I think that freaked me out enough that I can’t even stand to pee in a bathroom with other people, even when I’m in my own stall.  You know, as opposed to those times where you pee in broad daylight in public, am I right?  Now I have to pee while plugging my ears because otherwise I am so overly aware of the sounds I am making that I can’t even deal with it.
Colour me neurotic!
Is anyone out there doing anything weird in the crapper?

8 Responses to “The Stall of Humiliation”

  1. 1 lex October 17, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    I used to be the same way when I was younger. I didn’t like the idea of anyone hearing me pee so I would start and stop so the sound would mix in with other things. lol
    I have radically changed that idea as after having 4 kidney infection sans bladder infection, when I have to pee, i really have to pee. :p
    Farting, if it comes out, it will, I would prefer it to be silent if there are other people in the bathroom!!
    Yea my bathroom hall of shame has myself and a classmate bashing the class we were in and then having the professer walk out of the stall behind us. Ugh….

  2. 2 this buddy of mine October 17, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    I think as therapy you need to take dumps at truck stop bathrooms…you’ll never see those people again and will cure you of you phobias.

  3. 3 Gem October 17, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    LOL your map is so cute!

    When I first moved in with my boyfriend I always tried to pee like really slowly so he wouldn’t hear… now I don’t care, haha… and whenever he goes to pee and i’m nearby i always tell him that i can hear him peeing. And then i tell him to do it louder.

    Yeah… we’re a little strange 😛

  4. 4 doozy October 17, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    HAHA! Steve says that to me!

  5. 5 ultratoast October 18, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    I think you need to get in contact with this old classmate and engage in some baggage handling; open your luggage and ask her whether she thinks the contents are dirty, so to speak.

    I liked the map.

  6. 6 Goodboy Norman Featherstone October 20, 2008 at 6:17 am

    It’s FINE to fart in the bathroom stall. That’s what they’re there for!

  7. 7 Nevis October 20, 2008 at 8:57 am

    I totally fart in the bathroom at work. It’s the bathroom and I”m supposed to be pooping in there.

    Although it’s gotten harder here at my new job. I work at a TV station and the makeup room is attached to the bathroom (NO DOOR!). So the female news anchors will be in the makeup area getting themselves pancaked up for the News and I don’t want to be in the stall stinking and farting up the joint. You know?

  8. 8 Deidre October 20, 2008 at 9:34 am

    I like your map! Ha ha! I know what you mean by not wanting to pee in public. A while ago I REALLY had to pee. Normally I don’t care who’s in the bathroom listening to me pee but this day was the day I peed for like five minutes! Okay, maybe it was two whole minutes. Anyway two Chinese exchange students were doing their make up or whatever. As they were walking out they said something in Chinese and was laughing.
    I was embarrassed.

    I’ve farted in the bathroom at work before, even in front of coworkers. I refuse to be embarrassed because I know they fart also.

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October 2008
262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.


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