Ten minutes!

Bah! I have ten minutes to post!

In honour of me currently watching the Shopping Channel, let’s make a quick rundown of my top five items currently for sale on the Shopping Channel:

Mmmmm, yeah, green Birkenstocks with a horse on them. They are fucking beautiful.

The Joan Rivers Makeup Collection:


Yeah. I’m sure she hasn’t had any work done. Why not buy makeup from a woman whose face is made out of virgin pig skin? Get out your credit cards! I couldn’t even cut the whole damn photo from the website. Joan River’s magical powers are keeping me from her full promotional banner.

Or how about 14K gold Tiger drop earrings?

One word: barf meow.

Mmmmm, maybe some Rhonda panties:

Rhonda left all her lace boxer briefs for you to buy. Complete with penis flap.

And maybe pair your Rhonda panties with a nice blu blocker sun visor:

This BluBlocker visor is detailed with an oversized panel TO THE MAX that helps protect your eyes and face and from ANYONE TALKING TO YOU. Stay out of the way of UVA, UVB and ME wearing this great visor.

And basically, you could combine all this stuff into ONE OUTFIT.

You’ll be thanking me later when you surprise your spouse with this inspiring combination of high quality items from the Shopping Channel.

7 Responses to “Ten minutes!”


  1. 1 Gem October 9, 2008 at 5:26 am

    mm, you know, i’m having a really hard time choosing between the Birkenstocks and the Rhonda panties… what to do, what to do…

    Also, are we sure that’s really Joan Rivers, or did someone manage to steal her life-size replica from Madame Tussaud’s wax museum?

  2. 3 Nevis October 9, 2008 at 7:19 am

    Well, I have to admit I’ve bought a few things off QVC…mostly kitchen things like a pan and these cool rubbermaid-esque things called “Lock & Lock” that work awesome. But those products above are horridly hideous. Those panties are embarassing.

  3. 4 lex October 9, 2008 at 9:45 am

    I can’t stop laughing.. especially since I have seen people wearing those birkenstocks and that face shield… in richmond!!! I think it is right up there with the sars mask that people wear.
    The panties scare me.. badly
    and I have to ask.. have you seen the Geico commercial where they use stars to ‘speak’ for real people? They used Joan Rivers and she was hysterical.. “Am I smiling? I can’t tell!! I can’t feel my face!!!

    One of the bosses in my office buys her clothes from the shopping network.. you know the matching denim bedazzeled outfits in red, purple, green, pink. Sometimes she wears the matching shirt too…

  4. 5 doozy October 9, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Lex: That is out of control. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any good clothing on the shopping channel. Last week I stopped on that channel to watch a guy talk about a metallic, zip front, faux suede, snakeskin patterned jacket. WHO BUYS THAT?!
    I like watching the counter showing how many are left, as if I am going to be like, “OH SHIT! There’s only 3 left!!!!”

  5. 6 lex October 9, 2008 at 11:08 am

    Quick you better buy the last two! Just in case!!
    Gah….


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