The Iceberg Bathroom

Oooh yeah, there’s nothing like waking up late for work, am I right?!  Every once in a while my phone’s alarm won’t go off and let me tell you what a fun morning THAT makes.  Waking up with a gasp of, “WHAT TIME IS IT?!” and then checking the time only to see that it’s 40 minutes AFTER you were supposed to be up!  Oh boy!  

I don’t think I’ve ever flown out of the shower so fast in my life.  I have to shower, even if I’m late.  I feel like a dirty sock when I don’t shower.  

That used to happen sometimes at the hospital when I’d wake up late, and then I’d have to sit in scrubs all dirty with unwashed hair all day thinking I smelled.  I probably didn’t smell at all.

I managed to get ready and out the door in 35 minutes, which is actually like a fucking miracle for me, as I somehow take 50 minutes usually (what am I DOING?!).  Though I did look in the mirror and my hair seems to be a little busted.  What’s worse is that I am sweating like a hog from having to basically Sonic the Hedgehog it all the way to work, a walk which usually takes oh, 30 min took me maybe 10-15.  I would have hoped after long enough of a stretch of walking to work that I’d be totally in shape for walking to and from work, but no no, I am still sweatin’ to the oldies by the time I finally rest my butt in my chair.  I’m surprised that I don’t just melt completely, but that’s probably because come Autumn, my office here turns into an iceberg.  

What is it with these historical buildings???  Did they not have HEAT?  Wait, probably not.  That’s why going to the bathroom is like going pee in an igloo.

And also?  Why do people have the WORST BATHROOM EXPERIENCES all at one time in the morning?  Some stinky dude put the men’s bathroom out of order, and now the women’s bathroom smells like a pig farm.  ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS FILL THE WATERING CAN FOR ALL THE PLANTS IN MY OFFICE THAT I SEEM TO BE KILLING!!  Is it too much to ask for someone to oh, crack a window if they are shitting themselves?  Ridiculous.

13 Responses to “The Iceberg Bathroom”


  1. 1 eduardo October 7, 2008 at 11:12 am

    Sorry you have such a cold bathroom! To be honest, I love going out at 5:30 to use the bathroom on the dew covered lawn, watching Mommy shiver & saying, “Boy if you don’t go I’m going to make you go!” I always go ahead & go because I sure don’t want to know how she is going to make me go! So your puggies have a doggy litter box? Can you tell me more about that? Have a great day!
    Hugs & Snugs
    Eduardo the Snuggle Puggle

  2. 2 doozy October 7, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    Sure, Eduardo,

    I taught Winston and Zelda to go potty outside and inside. Zelda isn’t too fond of going outside, but she will.
    Basically the doggy litter box looks like a cat litter pan, but bigger. I’d say it’s like 3 feet long by maybe a foot and a half wide. I put a pee pad in the pan because I find that doggy litter (it exists) gets EVERYWHERE. With the box, they can go potty whenever they want, so if I am late getting home, or i have to run errands after work, they are good to go. I say the same command to them whether they’re outside or inside if they look like they have to go potty. Though I look odd saying, “On the paper!” when I am outside, but whatever, it works!
    You can get doggy litter boxes at big name pet supply places, like Petcetera and Petsmart. You may have to call around a bit, but it’s sort of a thing that places have but forget about.
    There are also little fake grass boxes that you can buy and put on your balcony or whatever. If you pick up an issue of Modern dog and then flip to the back, they usually have ads for those boxes at the back. Also try Bark magazine as well.
    I find it’s easy to train the dog to do, and less stressful for me! Woo!

  3. 3 doozy October 7, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    If you want other info, feel free to email me, too:
    nonprofitstyle@gmail.com

  4. 4 Goodboy Norman Featherstone October 7, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    That sucks. I have had many morning like that myself.

  5. 5 Gem October 7, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    i feel your pain about the waking-up-late thing. sometimes i have dreams that i’m late for work and i wake up stressing.

    oh and the bathroom thing… that usually isn’t an issue at my work, HOWEVER, last week someone shit their pants and left them outside our shop for us to find in the morning. Awesome.

  6. 6 Lex October 7, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    I have done that a few times.. hit snooze but instead turned it off! It turns out that I really don’t need an hour every morning!
    And right now the aircon is still on and we are right at False Creek so the wind chill is incredible!! brrr!!
    Oh went to the bathroom at work where only adult employees use the toilet.. I am ashamed that there are other women that are so incredibly disgusting when they pee.

  7. 7 Deidre October 7, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    Once I woke up right before I had to leave for work. What sucked was that I was visiting Ray in Tucson and I worked in Phoenix. I was showered, dressed, and had a cup of coffee in ten minutes and drove the hundred miles in about an hour.

    It was insane!

  8. 8 Trudy October 8, 2008 at 8:47 am

    I’m a teacher and a couple of times the secretary has called me after the start of the school day to ask me if I’m coming in that day! A classroom full of students but no teacher. Oops!

  9. 9 Nevis October 8, 2008 at 10:50 am

    Ahh…we’ve all felt those feelings. Well, except possibly the part about peeing in an igloo. Ugh, I hate oversleeping!

    But, I’m curious…what do you DO in the morning? I can be out the door in about 10 minutes if I had to (including taking a shower).

  10. 10 Doozy October 8, 2008 at 5:58 pm

    Okay, here’s the breakdown of my morning:

    Shower: 15 min, if I have to wash my hair, which I try to do daily. My hair tangles VERY, VERY easily, so I have to put conditioner on my hair and soak it for like 5 minutes out of my shower time.
    Makeup: I dunno, 5 min?
    Getting caught up in watching Breakfast Television on City TV: probably like 10 minutes
    Blowdrying and styling hair: this shit takes forever. Not because I am spending a lot of time blow drying it to be just so, but because it takes FOREVER to comb out the tangles in my hair. The strands of hair on my head are thin, but I have a ton of thin hair. So basically every morning I have to attempt to untangle my hair, even after thoroughly conditioning because just putting my hair in a towel makes it tangle. BOO!
    Getting dressed: 5 min? 10 min? I usually don’t take the time to pick out an outfit the night before, so I get all confused staring into my closet.
    Then I make myself lunch and then I likely take a swig of cola (mmm, breakfast, gross) and leave.

    If I need to leave the house ASAP, I can be ready in like 10-15 min I think? I usually feel like a schlub though. Who knows why. Maybe my body misses the other 15-20 min? haha.

  11. 11 Doozy October 8, 2008 at 5:58 pm

    Gem: That is truly the best story I’ve heard in a long time. Holy crap.

  12. 12 Tjam October 8, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    I know it sounds like bullshit but I have the same hair only less and I think you should try PertPlus 2 in 1 shampoo. It’s crazy but it works even on Sid’s long tangly hair.
    P.S. I just about poo’d when I read the Winston shit up the wall story. Too funny.

  13. 13 doozy October 9, 2008 at 12:11 am

    Yeah I think we’ve all been there. Am I right?!


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