Archive for August 28th, 2008

The Politics of a Cold

So I’ve been laid out all week with some sort of a terrible cold.  Is ‘exploding ass’ and ‘projectile vomiting’ part of a cold, usually?  It’s like two terribly different, terribly TERRIBLE illnesses just sort of mashed up together in some sort of illness casserole and I ate it up like it was a delicious bowl of jello.  Actually, speaking of Jello, I ought to be eating some of that shit because I can’t seem to eat anything else without it running in one direction or the other to get out of my body!

My biggest meal in the past week has been the burrito I consumed after a lot of careful thought today at lunch.  Why the careful thought, you ask?  Because I am sure it’s going to spray it’s way out of me later today.  I figure it’s better to at least try and absorb some sort of nutrients from a food I like instead of eating chicken noodle soup at every meal.  Though I am pretty sure that Lipton’s chicken noodle soup contains absolutely nothing that resembles chicken.  I mean, it’s neon green for Pete’s sake!  I know this because I spilt some on my carpet earlier in the week and spent 20 minutes Bissel-ing the hell out of the rug to get the radioactive soup stain out of my life.  It probably only took 20 minutes because I was keeled over weakly rubbing the scrubber back and forth and a very slow pace.

It took me a good 5 days before I actually stopped feeling guilty about being sick and actually laid down for the whole day.  I didn’t try to tidy.  I didn’t even try to watch a full episode of one of the 150 court TV shows that seem to be on ALL. DAY. LONG.  How glorious it was to just sleep all day.  I wish I had a week off to do that without all the coughing and the sore throat!  I guess that’s why they call it being sick and not, say, a vacation!  Yeah, you can have 3 days off, but you’re going to have to pay with some sort of stomach/head infection combo!  TAKE THAT!

My poor abdomen feels like a wet balloon filled with half-eaten ribs.  I always forget about this part of being sick.  Normally I can avoid it with cough drops, but I’ve been advised to avoid any medicine other than vitamin C, as everything else will make me yak.  I guess I should get in the tub or something?  Does humidity help a cough?  Or does it make it worse?  Perhaps I ought to just stand outside in some of this glorious Vancouver rain and just soak it in.

It really takes coming to work to realize that you shouldn’t have come to work.

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