The Ups and Downs of Elevators

Up until a few years ago,  I sort of hated taking elevators.  I usually didn’t have the need to, so when I actually had to get on one, I would notice the movement of the elevator in a really overly-sensitive way.  Once I started working at a hospital though, my body just got used to the idea of constantly getting on and off elevators with no trouble.  I think I used to feel like I could feel my brain juices slosh around in my head when the elevator moved, but let’s get real here, I don’t have exceptionally sloshy brain liquids, so it probably was just ‘all in my head.’

Now I take elevators all the time, at work and at home.  I am on elevators at least 6 times a day, and you know what I’ve noticed?  I lot of people don’t know common elevator courtesy.
Take this situation from this morning.  I hopped on the elevator down at work so I could go buy a birthday card for a co-worker.  I get on and the elevator is empty.  Now I must tell you that the elevator at work is really tempermental.  There are only 8 floors, but it takes a ridiculously long time for the elevator to reach ANY floor.  Plus?  When it hits either the top or bottom floor the entire elevator resets and you have to hit the button another 40 effing times to get it to come to you again.  I guess it’s because I’m working in a landmark building, and the elevator hasn’t been upgraded, oh….EVER?
Anyhow, I get on the elevator and  get to the bottom floor to leave, when the door opens and this random dude pretty much POURS himself into the elevator, and pushes right past me to get in.  Now, any normal, sane person would wait maybe to see if someone was getting OFF the elevator before they smash themselves into the elevator?  No?  That’s just me?  Because this happens at least once a day to me.  Someone is waiting on the other end and is just ITCHING to crash their way onto the elevator before I can even get off.  And not only does this chump shove past me as I am trying to exit, he steps on my foot!  And the worst part of this is that I am wearing white hosiery, so now I have this effing black FOOTPRINT on my foot.  I get this little, “eh, sorry…” and I’m just thinking, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  THE ELEVATOR CAN’T GO ANYWHERE UNTIL I GET OFF ANYHOW!!! DID YOU HAVE TO STEP ALL OVER ME?!  REALLY?!”  Don’t even get my started.  I just stand there, looking at my foot like, “Is this what the world is coming to?  People are in such a rush that they are actually walking all over each other to get somewhere?”  Well, pretty much.  So now I’m at my desk with a footprint on my foot, and many expletives in my head.
If I were in the hood and he had scuffed my Puma, you don’t even want to KNOW what I would have done.  What a diss.
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10 Responses to “The Ups and Downs of Elevators”


  1. 1 Christine & Giggs April 28, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    Does this guy work in your building? Watch for him and next time you meet ‘accidentally’ swing your purse into his groin area.

  2. 2 Clover & Jess April 29, 2008 at 9:08 am

    Man, I don’t know what is wrong with some people! I notice a similar phenomenon while walking around the university I work at – people can’t walk properly down a hall. How hard is it to stick to your side when you are passing someone?!

  3. 3 doozy April 29, 2008 at 9:26 am

    You’re right, Jess! I remember always smacking into people in college. It’s like you get a backpack and somehow need to take up 3 times as much hallway.

  4. 4 Nevis April 29, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    Yikes, what an asshat. I can be in-your-face with people when they do stuff like that. I probally would’ve called him out on it right there. Much to my man’s embarassment…

  5. 5 doozy April 29, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    I’d like to be more “in your face” about shit like that, but I am generally pretty quiet. Out here pretty much anyone can be nuts, so who knows, he could have been a crazy man and stabbed me if I said something. Alas…I went the more passive-aggressive route and gave a big sigh and stood and looked at my foot, then walked away.

  6. 6 blogfaced April 29, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    you should stand directly behind the door at the ready for when it opens and walk out kicking, shouldering people if they dare to cross your path.

  7. 7 Goodboy Norman Featherstone April 30, 2008 at 6:38 am

    Man, that’s just not even cool. What a dork.

  8. 8 Deidre April 30, 2008 at 7:33 am

    I hate elevators because of the people. One of my favorite memories happened on an elevator. A woman and a guy(both hispanic and obese) came on an elevator, spilled soda, and kicked the soda and ice in the crack in the door. The rest of us looked at each other when the door closed and nothing else happened. The woman called saying we’re stuck. After five minutes the doors opened and I jumped in the next elevator and so did everyone else. Oh, did I mention they were loud? Well, it turned out that they were only going to the next floor! OMG!!!
    I couldn’t help but mention that the stairs only contain 17 steps to the second floor, yes not enough to burn a lot of calories but hey every little bit counts!
    The rest of us mentioned the obesity problem in our country and we figured out why as we went to the fifth floor.
    It was great!

  9. 9 All Mod Cons April 30, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    What an arse geezer!

    1. Point at foot
    2. State “Foot” in a firm, but non-aggressive tone.
    3. Point at Rude Geezer
    4. State “Arse” in a non-negotiable tone, maintaining eye contact consistantly.

    Works for me.

  10. 10 doozy April 30, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    I should just take out a knife or something and stand in the elevator. Then no one will bug me!


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