I admit it: there are at least 4 Toblerones in my desk drawer

If you love Toblerone, you’ll know why I stashed them in my drawer.  Oh God, I want to eat them all right now.

 So, today is my first full day off of medication, and can I tell you how incredibly OUT OF IT I feel?  I got to work, and I was thinking, “how the shit did I just DRIVE HERE?”  I feel like I am in a little cinema in my head,  just watching what’s going on, and that I have no control over what I say or do, and that it somehow just happens.  I am in complete disconnect from reality over here.  So, if anyone wants to know what an alternate dimension feels like, I am your go-to-gal at the moment.

Also, when you work with a counsellor, you come to some real stark realizations.  For instance, he mentioned to me today that often times people will laugh (not like, crazy loud, but chuckle) after they talk about some major life problem, or about depression, or bad things that happen, and I was like GET OUT OF HERE, YOU ARE RIGHT!  Which, duh, he is a counsellor, so hi, he would know this.  But I was just like I DO laugh after I say something about how crazy my mom was growing up, or about depression and all that.  I think I do that with people whom I don’t really want to get into detail with, you know?  Like it’s just easier to say something off the cuff and be like haha, isn’t that CRAZY?!  I do that even now though, because I think making light of it doesn’t make you feel so bad about it, and it makes the other person in the conversation less concerned.  That’s what I think at the moment though, but I am still thinking about his point, because it was a good one.  Then again, how would I talk about sad things otherwise?  I mean, it’s not like I never actually get into a deeper conversation about things that are sad, but if I am just trying to illustrate, say, how I should TOTALLY write my memoirs because seriously, you can’t make this stuff up, of course I’ll make a joke, because some of the stuff that happens in life is just THAT CRAZY, and that unbelievable, that you just have to make light of it.

Anyhow, to go on to how I am feeling off the meds, I have to say I am not feeling the little brain sparks, but that I’ve felt that feeling before when I was on a much higher dose of effexor.  What I do feel, is heart palpitations, and this really weird little flickering of my vision, as if a millisecond of my vision was missed, and I am watching a slightly-badly edited movie of my life.  I might as well have vertigo over here, because my head feels like it’s full of helium, and I am kind of swaying when I walk.  I bet the rest of my co-workers think I’m drunk!  Woo!  Party in my office, y’all!

Anyhow, there’s still no internet at home, which is still a major bummer.  I thought it might magically come back, but apparently it takes three days to flick a switch somewhere to actually turn on wireless internet.  Can you believe that?  Ugh.  Some bastard at the internet company is just sitting around, when they could be TURNING MY INTERNET BACK ON. 

 Yes, I am an addict.  I am addicted to the internet…and chocolate.  Sometimes I do them AT THE SAME TIME.

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5 Responses to “I admit it: there are at least 4 Toblerones in my desk drawer”


  1. 1 La January 9, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    Are we breaking up because I don’t know what Toblerone is? Only that Emily brought it from London on Friends?

    Also, I’ve had those head sparks. It happens to me if I miss just one day of meds and I HATE IT.

  2. 2 Goodboy Norman Featherstone January 10, 2008 at 7:33 am

    I was out of it for about a week when I went off my meds. I kept watching myself do things like I was watching a movie, and I would completely forget where I was. Those brain sparks hurt! My doctor didn’t even warn me about them. I thought my head was being used to transmit alien signals or something. You’ll be ok. Just try not to operate any heavy machinery…

    xoxo
    Norman’s Woman

  3. 3 ultratoast January 10, 2008 at 8:56 am

    I agree. Get writing. Memoirs are good therapy.

  4. 4 Doozywhoop January 10, 2008 at 10:06 am

    Oh my gosh, La, okay, so have you eaten Toblerone before? It’s DELICIOUS! It’s this swiss chocolate with nougat inside, and oh man, it’s just delicious!!! Do they not have them in the states?

  5. 5 Christine & Giggs January 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    As long as you’re not hanging onto walls as you walk, they shouldn’t notice.

    All my Christmas Toblerones are eated 😦


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