Archive for January 9th, 2008

Dooce is like my Jesus

“they both begin sniffing and circling the yard going, no, not there, not there either, maybe here? No, not here, wait, not yet, I think I’m getting closer, here? YES. HERE. THIS IS THE SPOT I WAS LOOKING FOR. Because that spot of yard is so very different from the THOUSANDS OF OTHER SPOTS IN THE YARD. DOGS ARE SO WEIRD.”

Hello?  Could that be any more spot on in regards to dogs?  I love it.

PS: I just went out and purchased the BSITW, which is short for THE BEST SAMMICH IN THE WORLD.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t eat breakfast, or maybe it’s that I am lightheaded from no medication, but I just ate said sammich and some greek salad, and I think I had some kind of a food orgasm because of how FUCKING DELICIOUS my lunch was.  It was like I had never eaten.  Ever.  Or maybe my tastebuds were dead my whole life, and somehow biting into some fresh greek salad made my terrible black and white world burst into technicolour.  I want to cry with joy just thinking about it.

And it’s that last sentence that confirms that it’s just my meds.

BUT THE SAMMICH WAS SO GOOOOOOOOOOD.  I wish I could scan it and have you all lick your computers.  That’s how good it was.

I admit it: there are at least 4 Toblerones in my desk drawer

If you love Toblerone, you’ll know why I stashed them in my drawer.  Oh God, I want to eat them all right now.

 So, today is my first full day off of medication, and can I tell you how incredibly OUT OF IT I feel?  I got to work, and I was thinking, “how the shit did I just DRIVE HERE?”  I feel like I am in a little cinema in my head,  just watching what’s going on, and that I have no control over what I say or do, and that it somehow just happens.  I am in complete disconnect from reality over here.  So, if anyone wants to know what an alternate dimension feels like, I am your go-to-gal at the moment.

Also, when you work with a counsellor, you come to some real stark realizations.  For instance, he mentioned to me today that often times people will laugh (not like, crazy loud, but chuckle) after they talk about some major life problem, or about depression, or bad things that happen, and I was like GET OUT OF HERE, YOU ARE RIGHT!  Which, duh, he is a counsellor, so hi, he would know this.  But I was just like I DO laugh after I say something about how crazy my mom was growing up, or about depression and all that.  I think I do that with people whom I don’t really want to get into detail with, you know?  Like it’s just easier to say something off the cuff and be like haha, isn’t that CRAZY?!  I do that even now though, because I think making light of it doesn’t make you feel so bad about it, and it makes the other person in the conversation less concerned.  That’s what I think at the moment though, but I am still thinking about his point, because it was a good one.  Then again, how would I talk about sad things otherwise?  I mean, it’s not like I never actually get into a deeper conversation about things that are sad, but if I am just trying to illustrate, say, how I should TOTALLY write my memoirs because seriously, you can’t make this stuff up, of course I’ll make a joke, because some of the stuff that happens in life is just THAT CRAZY, and that unbelievable, that you just have to make light of it.

Anyhow, to go on to how I am feeling off the meds, I have to say I am not feeling the little brain sparks, but that I’ve felt that feeling before when I was on a much higher dose of effexor.  What I do feel, is heart palpitations, and this really weird little flickering of my vision, as if a millisecond of my vision was missed, and I am watching a slightly-badly edited movie of my life.  I might as well have vertigo over here, because my head feels like it’s full of helium, and I am kind of swaying when I walk.  I bet the rest of my co-workers think I’m drunk!  Woo!  Party in my office, y’all!

Anyhow, there’s still no internet at home, which is still a major bummer.  I thought it might magically come back, but apparently it takes three days to flick a switch somewhere to actually turn on wireless internet.  Can you believe that?  Ugh.  Some bastard at the internet company is just sitting around, when they could be TURNING MY INTERNET BACK ON. 

 Yes, I am an addict.  I am addicted to the internet…and chocolate.  Sometimes I do them AT THE SAME TIME.


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