It’s hard to argue when I know you’re right

So I guess my biggest 2008 resolution was to take better care of my mental health.  Over the past two years I’ve been taking effexor for anxiety and depression, but in the last year I’ve been having some adverse side-effects.  For instance, I have really bad nightmares…horrible dreams that make me wonder what’s going on in this head of mine because they are things I would never even THINK my subconscious could come up with, but there you go.  I also have a fairly troublesome headache at least once a day.  I’ve been keeping track of them over the past few months, and yes, at least once a day is no lie.  Light, sound, smells…they’re all out there to melt my brain apparently, because for some reason my senses are in serious overdrive as if I have only been able to sit around as a vegetable for the past 24 years of my life.

Seeing as how it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to find a doctor in Vancouver, I kept putting off a trip to the doc because well, it’s hard to talk about medication and your mental history with a complete stranger!  I made myself go to the doctor though, and they’re going to change my medication, which is a big sigh of relief.

That means though, that I have to ween myself off Effexor for ten days before I can start something else.  THAT MEANS a whole lot of withdrawl symptoms.  I think I am on day three and I can already feel the medication melting away.

I remember feeling this way three years ago.  Just and overall sense of sad.  Like I ache longingly for something that isn’t there, something that doesn’t exist.  I can cry at any moment and my thoughts start moving so fast I can’t seem to catch up with any of them.  It feels like I am really alone in a crows of people. 

I also feel relief.  I feel relief that I don’t have a throbbing headache every time I get out of bed.  Or move.  Or eat.  Or read.  Or knit.  Or do ANYTHING.  I feel more like a tiny version of myself living in my own head, looking out windows that are my eyes, and I am operating this giant robot version of myself, while I am quietly tucked away in my mind.

6 Responses to “It’s hard to argue when I know you’re right”


  1. 1 A Lil' Irish Lass January 7, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    “Just an overall sense of sad. Like I ache longingly for something that isn’t there, something that doesn’t exist. I can cry at any moment and my thoughts start moving so fast I can’t seem to catch up with any of them. It feels like I am really alone in a crowd of people.”

    Me too. Me too, and I hate it.

  2. 2 Panda's mom January 7, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    I know how you feel. I’ve been taking Cipralex (Lexapro) for over a year now for anxiety and depression. I highly recommend it, it’s helped me a bunch so far. I worked in a pharmacy when I finally decided to start taking anti-depressants and found out that Lexapro was the newest one to come out. Of course different meds work for different people. Anyways, one day I forgot to take my pill and didn’t know I forgot and though I was getting sick, got home around 5 in the afternoon (I take my pill in the morning) and was shaking and being all cold turkey, crying while talking to my mom on MSN and not being able to focus on the computer screen lol, it was pretty crazy.
    If you have any questions or comments for a fellow pill popper don’t be afraid to send me an email: rosp@umemi.com

  3. 3 La January 7, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    My ex used to be on Effexor as well, and it didn’t do much by way of helping him. (Obvs.) I’m not at all ashamed to admit that I’m on Zoloft and it has absolutely changed my life. I hope you find something that works for you. Hang in there!

  4. 4 Goodboy Norman Featherstone January 8, 2008 at 7:25 am

    Awe, you poor thing. Woman has been on Paxil and Lexapro, and we know what it is like to stop taking those meds! Zombie-ville! I hate that you have had such bad side-effects, but Woman did too. She doesn’t take any meds now, and since we moved to Asheville, she has been fine. Have you thought of trying to take no meds. Sometimes the change of scenery helps you with mental health issues, because in a way you can redefine who you are not only to new people that you meet, but also to yourself.

  5. 5 Becca January 8, 2008 at 7:39 am

    Hey Lauren – Happy New Year! I was your friendly ‘lurker’ (which sounds ever so…creepy)who grew up in BC and now lives in London. How weird – I’ve been on 150mg of Effexor for NINE years now and hate it – sometimes I wonder if I am completely numb and if I skip a dose, I get those brain jolts (I call them electric shocks – like you can feel the neurotransmitters in your brain zinging). But I’m too scared to come off, as even on the pills I suffer from episodes of depression. Have you read Dooce’s blog? She has the most AMAZING post about medication and depression – I highly recommend a read! Hope all is well with you in Van and that your mean friend hasn’t stumbled across your new blog – life is way to short! Am still in love with your pugs and yearning for my own! Are you on Facebook?
    Kindest regards
    Becca

  6. 6 Doozywhoop January 8, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Yup, yup I am! I think the easiest way to find me is by my email nonprofitstyle@gmail.com. At least I think you can look people up like that? Right? If not, just send me an email!


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