I may just punch an elf.

Christmas music can have one of two effects on me.

1) Calming, knowing that good family times are coming and that we’ll all sit by the fire drinking Bailey’s and warm milk

or

2) Intense stomach pains knowing I have to go out in Christmas traffic, to fend off Christmas shoppers, which are an unruly breed of angry and ruthless people who will stop at nothing short of breaking your kneecaps to get what they need to have a MERRY Christmas.

 Right now I am in stomach pain mode, as I am looking out the window thinking about how it’s taken me at least 45 minutes to get home for the last ten or so workdays.  Where the hell are all these people coming from???  Why do they not come out the rest of the year, and WHY are they all driving around at 4pm?!

I even went to get yarn at Michael’s a few days ago (okay, and yesterday) and was blown away by the large amount of angry, Christmas psycho crafty women.  I need to stay the hell out of mainstream society until all of this is over.  I thought Calgary crowds could get nuts, but I’m now in a city busting with maybe like 6 times as many people?!  Oh fuck.

Also, can I just tell you all that it currently smells like poop in my office?  No, I didn’t lay down my first yule log of the season, I think it’s actually the lunch that they’re cooking downstairs, which is just another testament to why everyone in this building should bring their own lunches.

“What’s for lunch?”

“Turds!”

“YAAAAAAY!!!!”

In doggie news, Winston has taken a liking to EATING THE COFFEE TABLE, which I am like fucking baffled by since he hasn’t eaten any other furniture at any other point.  I think he’s mad that we got a new tv maybe?  Or maybe he’s mad that now there’s actually a coffee table in the living room, thus ruining his scooting track when he decides to intentionally be a dick to Zelda in order to start a chase.  We’re now missing two corners of the coffee table, so I finally just rubbed pure lemon all over the outside of the coffee table in hopes that he’ll hate it, but like I said yesterday, he’s got a think for lemon San Pelligreno, so who the hell knows if this will stop him!  He’s really just eating particle board anyhow since it’s a table from Ikea, but I’m all like, “Damnit, dog!!!  Stop wrecking my shit!”  It’s a good think he’s crazy adorable, otherwise he’d be seriously punished, but then again, how the hell do you punish a pug?  Wave a hot dog in front of him and then throw it off the balcony?  Actually, throwing a hot dog off my balcony sounds hillarious!  I should do that anyway!

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2 Responses to “I may just punch an elf.”


  1. 1 Christine & Giggs December 5, 2007 at 8:25 pm

    If you throw a hot dog off your balcony, please video it and post it for us!

    I use this stuff called Bitter Apple Spray
    http://www.thecatconnection.com/page/TCC/PROD/DET-GRAN
    too keep Giggs out of my plants. It seems to work.

  2. 2 doozy December 5, 2007 at 9:09 pm

    I will try this! I tried another brand of this kind of thing, but I’m gonna get some of this! My table is not a tasty treat!!!


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