And we can make sammiches…

Yeah, that’s right, I said “sammiches.”  I like saying “sammich” more than “sandwich.”  Try it, it’s more fun.

“I am going to get myself a SAMMICH.”  It even sounds more delicious!

Anyway, I am here to talk to you about food.  Namely, sammiches (yes, I am referrring to them from here on in as sammiches).

Look at how gross the above sammich looks.  It does not look appetizing at all.  Now imagine a whole PLATE of these sammiches waiting for you at the lunch table at work.

 Ummm, NO THANK YOU!  I don’t need an assplosion today.

 And before you say, “Damn girl, your work gives you free food?!” let me explain…

So I work for a nonprofit that helps people on the verge of becoming homeless, but who want to help themselves break the cycle of poverty.  We run a little food bank where we get donations in, and then organize them in a little makeshift grocery store, and then people get to have grocery appointments a few times a month to help them save the money they would spend on food, or just get food if they can’t afford it.  The little grocery store lets them feel like they get to actually shop for the stuff they need, rather than handing them a food hamper.

 We get food from all over the place, and we even get grants to buy fresh food (fruit, veggies, meat, bread, etc).  Anyhow, a lot of this stuff is pretty close to expiry, so in an attempt to move the older food out, a volunteer comes in from Tue-Fri to cook a lunch for all the volunteers and staff from the older donated food.

This involves several crazy-ass recipes, and for the most part, though I think it’s great that we are feeding our volunteers and staff, the food that gets cooked isn’t always “good.” and by good, I mean “isn’t always something that doesn’t make me want to hurl because it smells/looks/tastes SO, SO BAD.”

Some of my favorites:

-macaroni and cheese with old wieners that were left out for 48 hours on the counter in the kitchen, and not refrigerated

-macaroni with no sauce, just dill seasoning

-today’s sammich, which involved old bread, questionable bacon, a lot of peppers, what I think was relish, and old cheese.  All questionably fried on a grill, producing the most horrible tasting sammich you could ever imagine.  It’s like if poop pooped, and that poop was used to make a sammich, that’s what it tasted like.

Oh yes, and there was really disgusting potato salad involved as well, but it’s too horrible to think about.

Anyhow, I am going to have to like frame one of these sammiches as a testament for why I need to ALWAYS remember my lunch.