Before I go into the Witness Protection Program

Man, can anyone take a joke?! Seriously. I got an email from youtube this morning saying someone had commented on a video I made the first few days after moving.

I go and check, and someone has gone on a rant about how “if you actually HAD money, then maybe you’d know why Yaletown is so great.” Blah blah add a few more sentences about how their family has lived in Yaletown for years and how of course no one has big dogs here because we all live in apartments.

So basically, here’s what I have to say to that.

#1, I JUST moved, and was giving MY first impressions on Yaletown. Pretty much all of them are still right.

#2, Money isn’t everything, and a LOT of people don’t have titloads of money to spend on the useless shit that you can buy when you’re rich. You know what? People are starving to death in this city, and all over the world, so forgive me if I got a degree in a profession that won’t pay me as much, but at least I am trying to make the world a better place. When I see assholes like you yukking it up with a $6 ice cream cone in your hand, I have trouble justifying it.

#3, Yes, there are a lot of apartments here, but you know what? A lot of them are 1800 square feet and take up the entire top floor of most of the apartment buildings in this district, and cost at least a million. I just happen to see a lot of designer dogs. I am a dog lover, yes, but when I see a dog wearing Juicy couture and then I see a homeless man sleeping on the street, I have a problem with that. I’m sorry that you don’t.

#4, MY post, MY opinion.

Anyhow, I guess it was viewed like 200 times, which could potentially mean that 200 angry people from Yaletown are going to come get me, so I just deleted it because so many people take offense to things that are made as COMEDY.

I make jokes. That’s how I get through the day. I’m sorry your mother raised you to be a dickhole, but when I see that the people in this city will pay $60 for A BOTTLE OF WATER, I think that’s hilarious.

Yes, this bottle of water, so elegantly displayed on this woman’s ass costs $60 a BOTTLE. FOR WATER. How can anyone NOT think that is ridiculous?! This product actually boasts that it is marketed to the “Super Luxury” market.

That’s right all you luxurious people, you are fucking old news. There is now this entire world of extremely pricey SUPER LUXURY products you can waste your money on.

Steve actually heard someone at the market where they sell this water say, “You know what says decadence to me? A nice asiago cheese.”

I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard someone talk about the need for decadence. Is that on Maslow’s Hierarchy?

I didn’t think so.

Anyhow, I make jokes, and I think it’s downright laughable that there’s a district so interested in “decadence” so close to many communities in dire need. That’s why I make jokes! BECAUSE IT IS FUNNY.

I never said I hated it here. It’s really lovely. I love my apartment. I love feeling safe and living in a nice area. I love my underground parking and how I can walk everywhere. I don’t love how people can forget that water is still water, no matter where it comes from, and we should be thankful that we have clean water to drink in the first place.

10 Responses to “Before I go into the Witness Protection Program”


  1. 1 Clover October 4, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    Oh man, that sucks that some people can’t take a joke…and are you kidding me with that water – $60??! Seriously? Wow… Is the word “bling” spelled out in diamonds or something?
    Jess

  2. 2 LMizzle October 4, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    You’re close! It’s spelled with Swarovski crystals!

  3. 3 Goodboy Norman Featherstone October 4, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    LOL. Dickhole. That’s a funny word.

  4. 4 Katy October 4, 2007 at 6:41 pm

    Preach on, sister!

    Yeah, dickhole is a funny word.

  5. 5 LMizzle October 4, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    Haha, I like to share my vast vocabulary

  6. 6 Steve V October 5, 2007 at 12:32 am

    here here!

  7. 7 Christine & Giggs October 5, 2007 at 5:02 am

    I agree with you 100% and GOOD FOR YOU for trying to make the world a better place.

    Dogs do not need expensive designer clothing and people do not need $60 bottled water.

    If people would rather spend their time and money drinking their $60 water instead of donating or volunteering towards helping people, then this world is in serious trouble. Get a grip!

    Cheesy-ass, pretentious, silver-spoon assholes!

  8. 8 Ultra Toast Mosha God October 5, 2007 at 8:27 am

    I hope you posted this on the video comments.

    A person can be wonderful, but people are always idiots.

    In other news, I’ve never felt so compelled to look for salvation at the bottom (sic) of a bottle.

  9. 9 LMizzle October 5, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    Yeah, we should all send a $60 bottle of water to Rwanda and see how they like it!

  10. 10 Pie! October 8, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    I MISS YOUR BLOG!!!

    (I just found out that I can actually access blogspot.com at this internet cafe)

    So, I accidentally ordered water at Oktoberfest and it cost me 5€!!! So, 7 flickin’ dollars.

    And by accidentally, I really mean, I just ordered one, but didn’t know it would be so costly.

    Happy Thanksgiving L! And I hope you wrote an email back to that dickwad.


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