Archive for September 5th, 2007

I only WISH I had the words to say

Oh man you guys. There is some major poopdinglings going on at my work, and I can’t even really explain to you what’s happening, lest I get “found out” again and Dooced or just sued or something. Damnit, it’s killing me not being able to say! Well, in very plain language that is very vague, let’s just say that the place I am employed at is currently in a bit of a “financial turdfest.” Like, we’re struggling.

That, coupled with an accountant who thrives on making me crap myself by showing me how much we SHOULD have compared to how much we DO have, makes me want to pass out.

I plan on talking to the boss, because I think he’d give it to me straight, because seriously, I need to know if I should be looking for another job. Like that’s pretty much where we are at. JEBUS!

On a lighter note though, last night Steve was kind of messing around with Winston and scrappin’ with him on the floor in the living room. I saw Winston’s ass slowly lift to the skies as Steve kind of tickled Winston, only to hear a wee toot escape from Winston’s sphincter as he was on his back, flailing his limbs in delight. I proceeded to almost wet myself from laughter. I wish, I really WISH that dogs knew how funny I thought farts were, and how much I would like to thank not only dogs, but all the animals of the world for expressing their gas in a free and lively manner. I live for things like that, which means that I am a pretty simple person to please.

And finally, I was having another insane discussion that you will all marvel at. I was arguing with Steve about the phrase “shitting your pants.” Furthermore, we can add to that the phrase “shit MY pants.”

Yes, when we were kids (or maybe adults, I am not judging you) we have all pooped ourselves once (at least). I will admit that as a kid, I was so scared to poop (I used to poop monster-sized turds, I don’t know why) that I wouldn’t tell anyone that I had to go, and would thus, “shit my pants.” I’m not talking every day, but I’m sure it happened at least like ten times. Anyhow, I was telling this to Steve and he said that when he says “shit my pants” that the phrase “shit my pants” means actually crapping yourself SO HARD that it gets past your barrier of underwear and goes out into your pants, in whatever fashion of assplosion you can think of. Now when I think of “shitting my pants”, I refer to just pooping in my underwear, but not making it past my underpants. I can say to you that I have never physically pooped myself so badly that it’s made its way onto my pants. That is a pretty wicked accomplishment if you ask me. I think the phrase Steve used was, “crapping your underwear” for the simple act of letting a turd (or whatever) seep past your butthole before you get to a toilet, and then “shitting my pants” as the phrase to use when you poop so hard it basically destroys your underwear and goes into your pants too.
When I think of that, though, I then think of all the other scenarios people would have to use if “shitting my pants” wasn’t referring to many poop follies. I had a good laugh at “shitting my dress”, or “shitting my shorts.”

So I bring this question to the people: when you say “shit my/their/your pants,” do you mean literally pooping your pants, or are you using it more in a descrptive and general way?

And yes, these are the kinds of things I talk about with Steve, and that’s why he’s such a dreamboat to me.

Sooo cloooooose….eeeuuuuhhhh…..

September 2007
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30 collective fashion consciousness.