Archive for July 5th, 2007

"Sooner or later, everyone goes to the zoo."

As a last little bit of fun in the city before I begin the stress that is packing, Steve and I decided to use the long weekend to make a trip to the zoo happen. The zoo is pretty wicked, as there is usually at least one animal that does something hilarious.
Such was my #1 animal of the day, this giraffe:
He made a lot of faces for photos, and was a pretty good sport. This giraffe is okay by me.

We also met this really ugly female turkey. She looked like a testicle, and seemed very concerned that we were taking photos.
Here’s a pretty wicked bird, the burrowing owl. I like these owls because they are so small. I am liking owls a lot lately too. Owls, you’re also okay by me.
Apparently they were a bit rowdy because it was mating season or something, but owls really look kind of pissed off all the time, so I didn’t really see a difference.
We also went into the butterfly room, which is a room that is EXTREMELY humid and EXTREMELY HOT. And you know what? I sweat between my boobs when it’s that hot, and I don’t like it. I like butterflies though, so I tried not to bitch too much.
Here’s an example of the fine craftsmanship you’ll see if you come to the Calgary zoo. We have a lot of really old plaster dinosaurs in the park. One had the wrong head on its body for like 20 years or something. We are sticklers for detail.

This is a pretty wicked monkey.
This chameleon was also pretty bitchin. He let Steve take a photo of him, but then this other fat guy showed up and started snapping photos and the chameleon just kept turning away.
“No, no, fat man. You shall not photograph me. I pose only for Latin men.”

Here we have some kangaroos. When we were looking at these kangaroos, I saw a kid going apeshit and crying because there’s a pretty wicked kids playground right beside this. The kid’s dad got mad and said, “the zoo is for learning, not for playing!” Yeah. Go dads of the world. THE ZOO IS NOT FOR FUN! THE ZOO IS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE THAT MAKES YOU HATE LEARNING!!!!
I don’t remember what the hell this was. It was big, and it’s a rodent though. I liked it because I saw Ratatoullie on the weekend.
Here’s a bison. This bison was particularly awesome because Steve convinced it to come over to see us by holding some long grass and shouting, “BUFFALO, BUFFALO, BUFFAFALO!!!!” at it until it turned around. Then it saw the grass and stuck out its giant, purple tongue. I don’t know what bisons eat, but this bison was having some special Steve salad. If you look closely you can almost hear Steve yelling, “HOLY SHIT!” as the bison eats from his hand.

Here’s Steve and I making faces in a photo. We always seem to make the same faces as the other. It’s probably because we’re pretty great.
Here’s a bear with the right idea. I think it was about 27 degrees, and this bear said, “Fuck it, I am getting in this bear tub.” He was maxin’ and relaxin’ in his bear tub while the other chumps were sticking it out in the heat.
Overall it was a good farewell visit to the zoo. My favorite animals live with me though. PUGS!

OMG, It’s my last day!


Oh man, the day I never thought would arrive is here. That’s right. It’s my last day here.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I know I am freeeeeeeeeee!

Plus, I am totally going to sneak a peek at the Stampede tonight, which means I get to shop for useless shit at the vendors, eat deep fried cheesecake, and see Superdogs. Plus, there are so many people to watch my head might just explode.

Oh yeah, and it’s supposed to be 31 degrees here today, which is sick. Since I am approximately the shade of a vampire, I am going to have to slap on the sunblock 70. Yes. It exists. I bet you didn’t know that, and hey, you might not even believe that it’s real, but it’s very real my friends. It’s about the only thing that prevents my ghostly skin from burning into several blotches of island-patch-like redness. It pretty much feels like slathering Elementary school glue onto my body, and it somehow always gets into my mouth (which is sick because it tastes like POISON), but it works.

Yes, I have to wear more sunblock than a baby. It is a sad day for pale people. Maybe I will go hang out in the shade with the albinos or something.

July 2007
293031 collective fashion consciousness.