Archive for May 10th, 2007

Emissions Admission

A discussion I had with Steve and a friend this week has really got me to thinking. Thinking about farts.
What exactly is it that makes girls absolutely lose it with laughter when one of our kind farts? Aren’t we all doing it?
My friend said that he thinks that thirteen year old girls are the worst thing ever to happen to humanity, and he’s a pretty honest dude, so to hate a gender at this particular age is quite the statement for him.
Then Steve and he agreed that it’s ridiculous when girls fart and giggle about it, because when dudes do it, they just kind of accept it as a part of life, just like eating a sandwich.
I think maybe this is the case because girls are raised to be frighteningly embarrassed when they pas gas, whereas men are praised and generally encouraged to “break the seal.”
I can think of a number of times when a friend finally broke that sacred seal, and it was just about the funniest thing I’d ever experienced. Of course, little girls tend to have a lot of friends, so there was a lot of laughing. In fact, I don’t even think it’s laughing WITH the person so much as LAUGHING at them for not being able to control their sphincter.
To top it off, God forbid you ever fart in front of your partner. Thankfully my household is home to a man and two animals that are known to fart in copious amounts, so I can fart as much as I like. It’s like it’s almost in fashion to fart at my house.
“Who are you and why haven’t you farted in my apartment yet?”
I mean, I’m not encouraging that women run out of their offices and fart up a storm. We all have gas though. I challenge you to find me someone who hasn’t farted in front of someone else by accident.
What is it with those farts anyway? No matter how hard you are clenching, they are waiting to literally LEAP OUT from between your cheeks and embarrass you. Maybe you’re out shopping, maybe you’re on a date, maybe you’re even in class.
There is always the problem when you first date someone as well, because it then becomes a challenge of who will fart noticeably in front of the other first. I think you need to fart in front of a loved one. Maybe you even need to fart ON your loved ones. I think that once couples break that moment, there is a new intimacy about the relationship. It’s like you become a more realistic person. I know you do it, and I do it too, so let’s just have a grand old fart together, shall we?
What I DO know, is that no matter how old I grow, no matter how crazy I may be as an old lady, farts will always be funny.
Tonight, go home tonight and fart on someone you love.

Pretty New Harness!

My little Zelda bee got a pretty new harness handmade for her my a lovely lady in our city! Her company is called Urban Dogfitters, and she makes custom harnesses for dogs of all shapes and sizes. Her website is here.
These are made to order, and you can also order matching leads and collars as well. As you can see, she’s very happy with her new harness:

After last night’s walkies, the tired little princess decided to actually take a break…on top of her brother.

May 2007
2728293031 collective fashion consciousness.