A Lesson for City Folk

Ahh nature. You are a mysterious lady to a lot of people. This was incredibly visible when Steve took me to one of the larger, nicer parks in town, Prince’s Island Park for a nice little afternoon.
I can’t claim that I spend a glorious amount of time outside (I’m pretty white, like we’re talking ghostly white, so I burn in five minutes), but I think I at least have a reasonable knowledge of nature. Hey, let’s not even call it knowledge; let’s just call it common sense. With this common sense comes the idea that yes, it is neat to see animals in their natural habitat, hanging out in nature, but I probably shouldn’t attempt to touch/love/feed them as it will greatly disturb their way of life and/or get me killed.
I think we all kind of learn this after trying to chase birds that are hanging out at the zoo or whatever.
Sadly, I was greatly mistaken.
When you take city folk and put them in nature, say, a park, it’s like they become nature-retarded and can’t help but act like complete morons.
Take, for instance, the fact that this particular park is absolutely bursting with Canadian Geese. For those of you who don’t know the Canadian Goose, let me just say that they are probably the biggest asshole bird found in Canada.
These things hiss, they are relatively large (let’s say like 3 feet tall), and will actually attempt to murder you if you try and feed them only a few scraps.
They are about as beautiful as they are crappy, so they’re pretty fun to be around.
Anyone who has ever fed a Canadian Goose knows that this thing will go into crazy bird “eat your face” mode when you feed it bread crumbs, and then try to touch it.
You may think, why would I pet a wild bird? I DON’T KNOW. I swear if tigers roamed free in North America, so many people would be killed trying to pet the big kitty.
Not only are people trying to constantly pet Canadian geese, they are constantly trying to pet and/or pick up the Canadian goslings.
I understand when a kid does this, as a kid is naive enough not to know that if you do this, the mother will likely reject the gosling, but come on, when an ENTIRE family goes running to the waters edge to try and collect the goslings, do you honestly think that the bird is going to be like, “okay, sweet. These crazy looking folks with outstretched arms look like they will make for a rather relaxing encounter.”
I think Steve said it best when we were talking about this as we watched several families try to will baby birds onto the river bank.
“OMG OMG, THEY ARE SO SO CUTE! I WANNA PUT ONE ON MY KEYCHAIN!!!”
“I WANNA STAPLE ONE TO MY BACKPACK!”
“I WANNA TAPE ONE TO THE BUMPER OF MY CAR!!!”
“NATURE!!!!!!”

Seriously? Would you walk onto the plains of Africa and try to pet an elephant?!

This happens everywhere. When I lived in Banff I would walk to work every morning, and 9/10 times there would be a deer within VERY close proximity. It’s exciting, but I am not about to go insane and try to hug a wild animal. I couldn’t believe the amount of times I saw people trying to actually pose near a wild animal while I was living there, and hell, I was only there maybe 2 months!

I can’t remember the exact animal, but someone actually tried to put their kid on a rather large animal once to take a photo while in Banff. I’m pretty sure it was something ENORMOUS like a moose. Don’t put your kid on a moose!!! Would you put your child in the arms of a cannibal who hasn’t had breakfast?! It’s pretty much the same thing.

Who gets the idea that, “Hey! I am going to put my kid on the back of a wild animal that is probably frightened because it has wandered into town. Then the animal will hold still long enough to let me actually take a photo of it with my kid.”

Gee, would you like the moose to put on a smoking jacket? Actually, while you’re at it, get the poor animal a bubble pipe to smoke, won’t you?

9 Responses to “A Lesson for City Folk”


  1. 1 Steve V May 7, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    remember those two bimbos?
    “It’s just like a petting zoo!”
    no, actually it’s just like NATURE!

    how about the duck that was a jerk?

  2. 2 LMizzle May 7, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    Hahaha, I liked the jerk ducks.

  3. 3 porkyandbrownie@yahoo.com May 7, 2007 at 7:22 pm

    Brilliant pictures!

    You are hilarious and always make us laugh!

    Porky & Brownie

  4. 4 Pug Mommy May 7, 2007 at 8:07 pm

    When I lived in Calgary I remember driving in the mountains several times and seeing people trying to pose with baby bears or just getting close to take pictures! Hello, the mom is probably not far away. People are nuts! That’s why they make zoom lenses folks.

  5. 5 LMizzle May 7, 2007 at 8:16 pm

    Haha, exactly! It’s like you have to remind people that the animals at the zoo are caged for a REASON. I’d like to see the day when someone jumps into an enclosure to get a closer look.

    Wait a minute, that already happened!

  6. 6 Katy May 7, 2007 at 8:25 pm

    We have those ‘tards here, too. They’re like “Oh, look, an alligator! Let’s feed it a sandwich!” and so next time the gator sees a human, it thinks they have some PB&J, too.

    We have some nasty ducks, too.

  7. 7 Sandra May 8, 2007 at 6:08 am

    The mother won’t actually reject her gosling…but the person who tried to pick it up might lose an eye. Mama birds will even raise birds of a different species if it’s not a threat to them. Besides, birds can’t smell- that’s an old wives tale.

    But I agree that people are morons when they get around wild animals, myself included. I have an unnatural phobia of birds, actually, so while I think the goslings are cute from afar, the moms scare the absolute SHIT out of me.

  8. 8 Princess Pointful May 8, 2007 at 7:11 am

    In order for evolution to be fair, it really should have been the parents trying to ride the moose.

    Geese are scary! I swear their beaks have teeth inside!
    Even squirrel jump on people’s heads sometimes.

  9. 9 Ultra Toast Mosha God May 8, 2007 at 11:09 am

    A moose in a smoking jacket smoking a bubble pipe is right near the top of my must-see list.


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