Archive for May 2nd, 2007

Paper Stalker!

Agh! Why are people so crazy?!
I am in charge of developing a newsletter for my organization since we’ve never had one before, and a few weeks ago I got a quote from our normal printing company on the price of printing a whole crapload of newsletters. All was well, OR SO I THOUGHT!
Somehow, out of the blue, this random old guy who owns a printing company calls me and asks if I’d like a quote on some printing.
“I might be able to send you some information on that,” I tell him, because I don’t know if we go through a major printing company.
I then ask uor Marketing Director, and yes, we already have a printer, and I should tell him thanks, but no thanks.
Tuedsay comes and he calls about TEN TIMES ( I don’t answer because I am trying to think of a nice way to let him down) and won’t just LET IT GO that I didn’t email him.
Then today one of the Admin Assistants comes into my office and is like, “Mr. so-and-so is here to see you from the ____ Printing Company.”
I emailed this guy yesterday saying, thanks, but we actually already have a printing company, so his services aren’t needed.


I thought that once you say no to someone, that it meant, hey, I appreciate your office, but I’ll pass. I didn’t think it meant, “COME ON DOWN TO MY OFFICE AND TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT YOUR PAPER IS SOMEHOW SUPERIOR TO ANYONE ELSE’S!!!”


So I just had to stand around and let him schpiel about how bitchin’ his prices were and how we can keep the other company we use “honest” by telling them that we might switch printing companies.

Little did I know that the world of printing was like a covert op. out of a James Bond movie.

Bed Wetter!

Zelda is on a mission. She is on a mission to pee on Steve’s side of the bed at every opportunity she is presented with. I don’t know why she does this. She’s not peeing on my side, and has maybe only done this once when we’ve actually been home. Is she trying to tell Steve that the other half of the bed is now hers? Is she confused about her own potty etiquette???
The dogs do enjoy a good pee on the living room rug. I decided last night to remove it completely, since neither Steve nor I want to actually lay down anywhere near it. I think I’m just going to get a really cheap Ikea rug for the meantime, in case either of the pugs wants to use the new one as a toilet.
Has anyone else effectively solved a bed peeing problem with their dog???

Worst School Assemblies

Oh man, Steve was reading me posts from a forum he belongs to about stupidest assemblies that they’ve been to and I think I just lost 5 pounds from laughing so hard. Here are some of the gems:

*when i was 12 we had like an ex-con come into the cafeteria and lecture us about how if we weren’t good, we’d get locked up and have our salads “tossed.” it took me awhile to figure out what that meant :/

*10th grade (1995-1996) – baltimore – assembly at school with this up and coming band called THE BACKSTREET BOYS. they sing acapella and at the end some dude threw a golf ball at the stage.

*A friend of mine got busted for pot possession on school property (weird though, crazy story on that but not for this thread). Anyway for some reason they got this guy:, a one man volleyball team (how lame is that) to come and talk about God and staying in school and staying away from drugs in front of our entire high school. It turns out he can hit multiple times in his retarded form of the game, and he played our volleyball teams. He had some ridiculous 1000 win 5 loss streak. First he played the girls and barely won. Near the end they started catching up, getting point after point, and you could see his face start to well up with anger. He’d curse under his breath very obviously. Anyways he ended up winning against the girls, talking a little bit more about gay shit, and then he started to play our boys volleyball team. Little did he know that our team pretty much kicked ass (I didn’t care really, but yeah they were good) and they ended up murdering him and near the end of the game they just started showing off (doing “wave spikes” where they’d all jump up to spike the ball in a wave but only the last person would hit it and this is gay but it really tricked him) and basically the guy lost by a long shot.

*In High School we had an assembly called “Shattered Dreams” where they staged this elaborate car wreck scene with an old wrecked car, fake blood, emergency personnel, the whole nine. The whole thing was really secretive and the students they chose to participate spent like months preparing. In like second period the Principle came on the P.A. and was like “Someone wrecked they’re car in the school parking lot, everyone go outside and look at it.” The story was that some kid was driving drunk, wrecked his car, and killed two of his friends. The most ridiculous part was when they had some dude dressed up as the grim reaper walk around the school and if he touched a kid they were “dead”, and had to get white makeup put on and couldn’t talk to anyone in school all day. At the end of the day there was an assembly where all they kids that participated in it cried to the rest of the school about how much it changed they’re lives.

*For one assembly in junior high, my school brought in a bull. Not just any bull mind you, but the bull who was the nemesis of the cowboy Luke Perry portrayed in the movie 8 seconds. It was actually even lamer than it sounds, on account that like 3/4 of the kids came from ranch families that had cattle anyway.

Anyway, they went on and on about how mean this bull was for like 30 minutes and I guess none of its handlers noticed that the thing was in distress. Right when they were about to wrap up their presentation, the bull projectile diarrheaed all over the gym/cafeteria wall.

I guess whatever cleaner the janitors had on hand wasn’t very effective against liquid bullshit, because 30 minutes later it was time for lunch in that same gym/cafeteria, and there was a definite stain on the wall.

They later repainted the gym during break.

This kept me up laughing. I don’t remember anything THIS crazy happening in school. I do remember in high school they told us there was going to be an awesome concert by a boy band at lunch, so we thought it was maybe the Backstreet Boys or something. When we got there, we had to stay in the gym and there were lazers and smoke machines going and these five random dudes come hopping out all excited saying, “Yo yo yo wassup party people!?!?” and everyone just started laughing hysterically. They looked pretty embarrassed, but continued on with an entirely acapella concert, including such hits as, “In the Jngle.” Awww yeah.

Anyone attend any memorable school assemblies???

May 2007
2728293031 collective fashion consciousness.