Archive for April 19th, 2007

A Letter to Mother Nature.

Seriously Mother Nature, what the hell. Wasn’t it just 17 outside last weekend? NOW IT IS SNOWING. I find the climate shift in this province to be the most bothersome plague on my existence. I can’t even tell you how many headaches I am getting from severe weather shifts. I guess a lot of you may not know the phenomena in my province. We are one of only a few areas that get Chinooks. Warm winds that come over the mountains and bring rain and warm weather. Then the weather snaps back.
Here’s a little Wikipedia blurb for you:
“In southern Alberta, most of the winter can be spent with little or no snow on the ground. Calgary can expect a white Christmas about 59% of the time, compared to 88% for Edmonton. In Canada, only the West Coast of British Columbia and southern Ontario have fewer white Christmases than southern Alberta.”
So here we are, after a warm spout for the hundredth time, going back to a nice freeze. I thought it was supposed to be April showers, not April snowstorm! Did the environment miss the memo on this one??? It seems like Winters here no longer follow the same monthly pattern. No longer is December aglow with snow. I swear the most snow over the past few years has been from February to April.
Perhaps once I move I will no longer want to smash my own skull into a wall from the pressure headaches! I don’t care that it rains so much in Vancouver. Seriously. At least it’s constant!
Maybe I’ll just stitch a friggin’ fur bikini, that way I’ll be ready for anything!

I seriously thought I’d seen it all…

Is your dog in heat and humping anything it can wrap its horny little legs around? Are you constantly having to pry your promiscuous pooch off the legs of guests, parents and members of your church? Protect your leg from a hump attack by getting Scruffy a Hotdoll. Yes, it’s a sex doll for dogs. It’s shaped like a dog and it’ll allow your tension-filled pet to go to town as much as his little heart desires, humping away until he passes out in exhaustion, leaving a wispy coil of friction-singed dog-fur smoke wafting into the air.
Hahahhaha!!! This is the greatest, and yet, most disturbing invention I’ve seen in a while. how do you wash this thing off? Dog shampoo?

April 2007
2930 collective fashion consciousness.