Archive for April 17th, 2007

Okay, so it’s been a slow day over here!

I can’t remember whose blog this came off of, but it’s great!

It’s the sugar and trans-fats that really get me going…

Upon request for more substantial posts because some of you require a fair amount of “reading material” while you’re “working”, let me tell you a little story about the grocery shopping trip I took last night.
First of all, I hate grocery shopping. If I could magically have all of my food appear on a whim, I would be the happiest gal in the world. I generally hate crowds, so the idea of having to smush around several hundred people that I don’t know doesn’t really appeal to me. I can’t avoid a good deal though. Thanks to the lovely Canadian chain supermarket called, Superstore, I am afforded all the bitchin’ deals I can fit into my cart.
I find Superstore to be an odd place. It is reminiscent of Wal-Mart, what with the generally high volume of women in pajama pants and dudes in sweats, and of course the good deals. I’d say take Wal-Mart and multiply its size by three and just fill it with food instead of your regular discount panties and knives.
Actually wait, I think you can buy both of those at Superstore too, but I digress.
This store is so big that when someone breaks or damages, or moves something, no one gives a second look. For instance, these are the following bizarre things we encountered while out shopping:
#1) A stuffed panda in the middle of discount Easter chocolate. Steve and I agreed immediately on its awesomeness, and proceeded to load the panda into our cart to be our grocery shopping mascot. Panda was later discarded by the pasta sauce aisle.
#2) A bag of sugar leaking so slowly onto the floor that it created a waterfall off of the shelf that it was on. Instead of trying to call for help, Steve and I proceeded to watch about a half litre of sugar pour out onto the floor.
And the best find (found in the potato chip and pop aisle): a ripped open box of Trojan condoms, and a ripped open box missing a disposable camera. Truly, we are living the Canadian dream when we can live out our wildest pornographic fantasies for free and without notice, simply by stealing all of your items from the potato chip and pop aisle at the grocery store. I love living in a developed nation.

Natural Balance Dog and Cat Food RECALL

We are receiving consumer complaints regarding the Venison & Brown Rice Dry Dog Food, and Venison & Green Pea Dry Cat Foods. We do not know what is wrong with the food at this time, but we have heard that animals are vomiting and experiencing kidney problems. Although the problems seem to be focused on one particular lot, as a precautionary measure, we are pulling all dates of Venison & Brown Rice Dry Dog Food and Venison & Green Pea Dry Cat Food from the shelves.

Please discontinue feeding all Venison and Brown Rice Dry Dog Food, and Venison and Green Pea Dry Cat Food.

We are working closely with the FDA.
We will update this website today, as more information comes available.


Are Animal Crackers Really Even "Crackers"?

When is the last time any of you had the apparently “trans fat-free” deliciousness of an animal cracker in your tummy? You know how long it’s been? TOO LONG. I was grocery shopping last night and found myself amongst the bulk food aisles. Usually there’s nothing in these bins that I really care for, except for the occasional sour soother and malted milk ball. But then I saw it. A zoo of delicious little flavorless cookies just waiting to be scooped up into the arc of my mouth. At $0.33 per 100 grams, you really can’t go wrong.
I decided to separate a few wild animals from the group and take them to work with me as a humorous snack. As I’ve been eating them though, I have come across a disturbing realization: I can only tell what one of the animals is! I keep picking up so-called animals from my baggie of delight and wondering what, if anything, this cracker is supposed to be? The one I have right now looks like a fat man bent over, ready to reenact a scene from Deliverance! Where are my giraffes, my elephants, my lions?! They have been replaced by what appears to be a one-eyed camel, a fat guy, and Jabba the Hut. Let me tell you, that would make for a much stranger visit to the community zoo if those characters were present!

So Many Kisses!

There’s nothing as sweet as a slobbery kiss from a loved one.

April 2007
2930 collective fashion consciousness.