Archive for February 8th, 2007

Steve is my hero!

Wow. Steve just did quite possibly the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.

Zelda has been scooting around all night, trying to bite at her feet. I was trying to figure out whether she was bothered by something on her feet, or whether she was scooting because of blocked anal glands. I tried to express her glands in the tub a few times, but nothing came out.

Okay.

Then I tried cleaning her butt and “front butt” if you will, in case that was the problem.

Nothing.

She kept scooting.

I figured I’d have to make a vet appointment, and again pay up for a visit to the vet.

“Let me try.<—-Steve

Really? Okay, let’s go to the tub.

We looked at a website describing how to express a dog’s anal glands and we were off!

I tried again to express her glands and got nothing. Then her little bum turned red.

Awww, we gotta help her!!!

Steve took the reigns.

One squeeze the right way and BLAMO!!! ANAL GLANDED!

I swear this is the craziest thing I have EVER seen. This tiny explosion of brown fluid shot out of her butt like a little water gun. LIKE A WATER GUN.

Each time he squeezed, a little more came out. SO GROSS.

It also made my tub smell like a skanky old street walker.

This is not for the faint of heart! It is certainly a sight to see though!

Good job, honey!

LMizzle Don’t Eat It! (Pizza treat edition!)

Awww yeah. Looks like I have some eatin’ to do!

This box of dog treats have a motivating message on the side of the box:

“GUARANTEED!

Wholesome baked biscuits crammed with goodness you can SEE, SMELL and TASTE”

That’s right folks, these treats are not only filled with goodness, they are friggin’ CRAMMED with goodness. Ahh, that’s the kind of goodness momma used to make.

It also says on the side of the box, “If your dog won’t eat ’em, WE WILL.”

Oh yeah, Lucky Dog employees?! I THINK NOT! NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!!!

Okay, so this flavor is Pizza, which is pretty darn exciting. I didn’t know that dogs really needed pizza in their diet, but I guess that’s the way it goes with gourmet treats these days!

So the ingredients look promising, featuring such delicious items as oatmeal, tomato paste, real roasted chicken broth (as opposed to the hardly mentioned, rubber chicken broth.).

Let’s DO THIS.

Okay, so upon first smell I wouldn’t say it smells so much like pizza as it smells like my grandma’s old basement. It kind of reminds me of office supplies and parsley! Mmmmmm, this is gonna taste like a pen!

Hmmm. This tastes like cheese and something else….like, maybe if I put some cheese on some grass and then put it in the microwave and then munched on it for five minutes and spit it out.

Okay, this one I actually swallowed. It wasn’t TOO bad. I don’t know how they can claim that this is a pizza flavor. There’s a pretty bad aftertaste in my mouth now as well. Like, I can pretty much tell where the treat was on my tongue, and where it wasn’t.

I’d like to see someone eat a whole bowl of these. I bet they’d grow a really manly mustache and some back hair! For now I’ll have to settle with Steve’s mustache and brushing the dogs, then gluing the hair to my own back.

C’est la vie!

aaaand we’re back

to 100% of my mis-spelled shenNanigans!

Oh hello little N, how I missed you!


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