The Generalities of the General Store

I have an urge to blog a lot right now. At least you’ll have a lot to read!

I took an exciting and bizarre trip last week that I forgot to share with you! SILLY ME!

I had to go get some of the new dog food I’m feeding my pups because it’s on sale at Petcetera for cheap cheap right now. Since I moved downtown, the closest store location I found was at North Hill Mall. Now for those of you who don’t know why this particular mall deserves being mentioned, let me tell you!

This mall is probably one of the shittiest places I have ever been. It’s one huge, long hallway of a mall that was famous when I was a kid for being a mall with a lot of crime. People were ALWAYS shoplifting from the Sears department store in this mall. I’d like to think it’s because this Sears has never been redone, so it looks like you’ve stepped into 1968 when you go in. The lighting, the stone-imitated tile, the beige walls and yellow-stained lights….ahh the sweet smell of polyester and broken dreams. The rest of the mall seems like it came out of 1980. This mall even boasts one of those old San Fransisco stores! EEEWWWW! DO YOU PEOPLE (who live in Canada) REMEMBER THESE?! This store still has crap like fart gum, penis sippy-cups, and t-shirts with crap like “Just Do Me” written on them. They also sell a variety of Dollar Store esque porcelain crap like dolphins jumping through hoops in a fit of joy.

Don’t even get me started on dolphins.

This isn’t even the worst of it!

Steve wanted to walk around this time-warp of a mall after I bought dog food, so I reluctantly agreed. We ended up walking by this GIANT store simply titled, “General Store.”

“What IS this place?”

“We have to go in!”

I’ve truly never seen anything like this. Steve tells me they have stores like this in the states…and I can now see why. It was literally a general store. No theme. No reason. It was kind of like a more expensive dollar store. To give you an idea of what kinds of stuff they had, let me list a few things off (in no particular order, because there wasn’t one):

-Inuit artwork on sweatshirts
-porcelain dolls
-mugs with your name and country’s flag on it
-Japanese paintings
-ties with Jesus on them
-homemade wreaths
-embalmed spiders
-a crayfish paperweight
-hand-carved, wooden airplanes
-candy
-lamps
-gifts for a new baby
-clocks

the list goes on and on. Why would anyone want a crayfish paperweight?!

“You know honey, I really think that we need a new lamp, but I also just wore a hole through my Inuit sweater. What’s a wife to do?!”

“I know, honey! Let’s go to the GENERAL STORE!”

“YES! THANK GOD FOR THE GENERAL STORE!”

The best part of the trip is that when Steve was walking around, he thought he could let a sneaky fart go. The fart was not only NOT quiet…Steve didn’t notice that there was a man looking at some kind of random shit no more than 5 feet away from him.

I wish I could have taken photos.

I would have changed the name of the store, myself. Something more along the lines of “Old Time Bitch’s Good Time Crap Shop!”

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7 Responses to “The Generalities of the General Store”


  1. 1 Princess Pointful January 15, 2007 at 8:25 am

    Holy Christ! San Fransciso?? I totally still have an ornament I got from there. It’s a bunch of mice happily dancing around a country house. I thought it was precious when I was 14.

    I laughed really hard when I read about the General Store, though. I would, for the record, love a crayfish paperweight. Even more peachy would be a mug with my name on it. My name is so unusual that I was always stuck with the lame “Special Kid” mugs and toothbrushes. I was so jealous of all the Sarah’s and Jason’s.

  2. 2 LMizzle January 15, 2007 at 3:48 pm

    At first I thought the crayfish was just a shrimp. I still don’t understand why anyone would want one. I don’t think anyone else does, either. There were about 50 of them on the shelf!
    That sucks about the “Special Kid” mugs and toothbrushes! You have a really nice name though! Oh I’ll find something with your name on it…now this will be my mission!

  3. 3 Manda Girl January 15, 2007 at 3:54 pm

    Dude, my mom loves that store.

    Yah. I’m serious.

    I know. It’s sick.

    PS – I love sneaky farts – we were in a Linens N’ Things once and this husband wandered away from his wife to the rug section and let a big one go – except he didn’t notice that Jerry and I were walking right behind him! It took a lot not to burst out laughing.

  4. 4 Hollie January 15, 2007 at 6:34 pm

    I only go to North Hill when the kitty litter at Petcetera is on sale. Although it kind-of reminds me of the mall in my hometown (population 8000) lonely, empty, eerie… with junky stores. Ah the memories!

  5. 5 LMizzle January 15, 2007 at 7:27 pm

    Yeah the food I buy for the dogs is normalls $10 a tube but it’s on sale for $5 right now! I can’t help but go there! Luckily I guess there isn’t really an entrance from Petcetera into the mall!

  6. 6 Ultra Toast Mosha God January 15, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    This makes me think about the crappy mall that Jason Lee’s character visits in Mallrats because ‘they know me here’

    “the sweet smell of polyester and broken dreams.”

    This could easily be a description of Tom Selleck

  7. 7 LMizzle January 16, 2007 at 4:20 am

    Amanda: your mom loves that store?! So great!


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