Archive for October, 2006

It’s really all about the math here, folks



You Were the Burger of my Discontent.

Dear Ricky’s. This is what your sign SHOULD say. I ate at your bland establishment yesterday afternoon. I thought, “Hey, let’s try something new!” as Steve suggested we take a meal break after some intense shopping. After scanning the menu, I was delighted to see that they offered a delicious veggie burger! Yahoo! Let’s eat!

LITTLE DID I KNOW that this buger would offer me more than even a TRILOGY on its way to the crapper.

The first bite should have been a warning…

“Oh my god, this smells like Windex!”


“Yeah! What the hell?!”

I managed to battle through two bites before I gave up and resorted to eating the shittiest french fries of my life. I don’t even know how you mess something like french fries up. These Ricky’s people are a crafty bunch!

Thankfully, I am here to help. I have included a revised section of their menu to better explain the culinary delights that Ricky’s has in store for many to come:

I took a take-home box with the contents of my dismay inside. Dan graciously threw it out for me. Not even the bums in the alley should have to eat that crap.

I should have known better to even have taken a second bite of ANYTHING on that plate. Not even the fragrance of my food being cooked in cleaning solution stopped me from attempting to eat that burger!

The ride home was an interesting journey. I experienced a range of emotions as my digestive system attempted to form this mess into a solid product. I crippled over a few times as the poison smashed its way through my bowels like a battering ram through an ear duct.

I actually had to leave my shopping bags in my car and run into my house.

Surprisingly, the burger would not exit. I sat and sat on the toilet, hoping that my poop sweats would soon conclude and I could enjoy the rest of my evening. My crafty burger had other things in mind…

About 20 minutes later my digestive system again began to roar with dismay and I headed back to the bathroom.

“It’s like the end of Resevoir Dogs in here! Everyone’s got a gun, but no one knows whose gonna shoot first!”




I think being crippled with poop weakness is just about the most unusal experience in the world. You are so sad at points, you just want to die, AND THEN…..PURE JOY.

It’s over.

I am safe again.

I can flush all the bad memories away like liquid garbage.

Sadly today I am still sick. I don’t think I’ve gotten this sick since before I stopped eating meat.

That or when I stopped eating my mom’s cooking.



Guess where I can finally afford to go?!

I have enough vacation and I now get paid enough to go to JAPAN.

I am pretty much shitting myself right now.



Japanese class starts in January! Yay!

Exciting news music lovers!

Quintessential ’80s band Wham is reuniting!

George Michael has convinced former bandmate Andrew Ridgley to perform with him for a special Wham reunion concert, this Christmas in London.

They will be joined by their old backing singers, Pepsi and Shirlie, at the gig and a friend of Michael’s reveals, “George is thrilled that Andrew’s agreed to perform. It was something George had thought about for a long time. He couldn’t be happier and can’t wait for the gig.”


I’m ready for the Monster Mash

Well, I’m past the one week point, and I, as well as all of my office mates are alive. Even the person who made me pissed! Yay! I actually managed to wow that person’s pants off if you didn’t read about it. I guess being young has its perks in that you know a hell of a lot more about technology than everyone else.

Except that I found the photocopier intimidating because it’s as big as a fucking three story building! What the hell is that about? Isn’t technology supposed to make things smaller? Instead I have to manage a photocopier/printer with like 26 printing drawers that is so big you could fit a few bodies inside of it!

Is it just me or is Halloween pretty much the best?!
I found this bag of sweet decorations that I had lost a month ago tonight and now my house is blasted with skeletons, candy corn lights, tombstones, and spooky bats. I LOVE IT! I will take photos soon (once I clean up all the laundry strewn about my apartment).

Pug’oween is this weekend, which is pretty exciting too! Picture like 50 pugs running around in COSTUMES. Let’s just call that the best day of my life. Hopefully this time Winston won’t run around having the runs all over the floor with his tail between his legs! I don’t think that’ll be the case though because now his balls have dropped and he’s all full of hormones. He barks at me when I eat! What is that about?! He makes this crazy “woooooowoooooo!” at me and then bounces around the floor like he’s on a trampoline! Dog puberty is as bad as human puberty!

Thanks for giving (me all that food!)

Ah Canadian Thanksgiving weekend! My first long weekend at my job!

Millions of turkeys were gobbled up…by everyone except me!
I was sick most of the weekend, so I didn’t get to enjoy many Thanksgiving festivities. Actually, I’m still sick now, which will make for yet another WONDEROUS week.

I enjoy the part of the weekend where your parents give you bags of food and then somehow manage to send you home with loads of other crap that they want out of their house. They’re very slick that way. Now I have another witch hat and a broom, along with six bottles of water! How all those ended up in the same bag is beyond me!

Office Politix

This photo doesn’t really represent my current situation…the most obvious thing being that I am not a man, nor do I have a moustache! However, I am experiencing a troubling office situation.
Somehow, I am the only person uner 35 in my entire organization, except for the front desk girl I pretty much NEVER see. It’s interesting for sure. I enjoy being young and starting a profession in something I truly believe in. The bad thing is that I’m fairly sure some of them think because I’m younger than them, that I’m dumber than them. Has anyone else had this problem? I might just be oversensitive on this one, but some of the “helpful” suggestions sound more like stuff my mother would tell me than someone who will have to implement suggestions that I make!

April Showers in October

Man, what the hell? My cat keeps using my bed as a litter box! She’s peed on my comforter, the cover, the mattress cover, the sheets….aaaaaaah! So frustrating. I don’t even know why. I change the litter every week, I give her breakfast and dinner and special milk for cats….WHAT GIVES, BELLA?!

Aside from this, I went for lunch with Okami at this crazy restaurant in Chinatown called the “U & ME” or something. There we ate veggies that resembled something closer to tampons than vegetables. Yikes! Fun times though.

The job is still going well. All the ladies in my office are on Weight Watchers and are at LEAST 10 years older than me, which kinda sucks. I made friends with the girl at the main desk though…she’s named after genitals though, so I can’t walk by her without giggling in my head…maybe she just thinks I’m a lesbian….whatev!

Does your boss ever give you stuff to do and you get it done so fast that you don’t really have anything to do the rest of the week? Either I’m really good at my job or really bad…

Anyhow, that’s the short update!

Adios! Off to work!


Sorry blog,

My new job totally got in the way of my blogging! How dare it!

So I started last week and things are looking pretty good. My boss is somewhat vague and doesn’t like to answer emails, but I’ll deal. I got stuck in this extra cubicle thingy until my office is done something like two weeks from now. I can’t complain I guess because I get a shiny new office!
I ordered business cards today! Oooooooh! All grown up and nowhere to go!

In other news the cat has taken to biting me on the head. I’d say 50% of the time it hurts.

The dog ate one of my shoes while I was at the mall this evening! I guess this just isn’t my week for pets so far!

My boss is away for the rest of this week, which is odd considering I’ve only been there a few days…she keeps telling me to meet with people this week whom I don’t know! “Meet with Sam”

Ah crap, WHO IS SAM?!?!?!

Also, the maitenance man can’t seem to get off his pooper and figure out what my phone # is. I know the extension, but that’s not going to help me when I have to leave a message for ANYONE. After about 10 minutes of entering every number I could i managed to figure it out on my own.

Man, I am uninspired! All this worky stuff make lmizzle BORING! It’s also probably because I’m sick too. what’s with me and getting colds the first week of EVERY JOB?!

Ok, I am going to read and be a nerd!

October 2006
293031 collective fashion consciousness.