Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me…

Rain rain…well, don’t go away, but at least if it’s going to be cloudy, let it rain like a silly bitch! What’s with the clouds and the cold air, and then no rain?! Fuck. That. How am I supposed to use my glorious clear umbrella when there is no rain?!
So on Friday I worked a golf tournament with Steve R. You know that this shit’s gonna be good. So I convince Steve to come with me with promises of free meals all day. We had to travel to Canmore for the tournament, so naturally there’s gotta be some perks! We drive to Canmore enjoying a delicious breakfast of McGriddles, when it begins to rain…and rain…AND RAIN. By the time we hit Canmore it’s POURING. There are pretty much puddles everywhere. I drive through a few only to discover the tricky nature of some puddles actually being LAKES and covering my car in sparkling mountain rainwater. TSUNAMI TIME!!!
Our job for the day was to be “hole spotters.” No one knew what exactly a hole spotter was. As we discovered, it’s pretty much the suckiest job in the world. We had to sit by a hole all day to check and see if anyone got a hole in one. If anyone did, they won $15,000. You think people would aim for the hole really well if they knew they were playing for $15,000. NO WAY! Numerous times Steve and I were subject to the “duck and cover” technique as we tried to avoid golf balls that seemed to go EVERYWHERE BUT THE HOLE! Seriously, how do you smack a ball through like six trees and maintain that much speed?!
I know one thing, I know I can golf better than some of those people and I don’t even golf!
Sadly, so many golfers attended this event that they stole our dinner seats. We tried to find a place to sit but alas, golfers were in abundance despite the grey weather. When my boss found out we were leaving due to seat shortage (and three hours of sleep the night before) she tried desperately to find us a seat.
“No no, it’s fine, really!”
“Oh no! You guys worked all day, you’re gonna eat!”
Then some random woman comes out of nowhere and tried to shove Steve into her seat.
Violence at the country club!!! VIOLENCE!!!
We ended up leaving and driving home while enjoying the flavor-packed deliciousness of Wendy’s and listening to the Bee Gees. I’d say that’s better than a steak dinner and country club people!

On another delightful note, I bought Samurai Jack Season 3 on DVD. THIS SHOW IS AMAZING. ENOUGH SAID.

On yet ANOTHER delightful note, I bought a shirt from M. Partizio! YESSSSS! The Timmie shirt is miiiiiiiine!

5 Responses to “Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me…”


  1. 1 Steve-O June 13, 2006 at 5:30 am

    Oh yes it was an amazing day thanks for bringing me along. The near by deaths by golf balls, the talks about just about everything, the hillarious pictures, and the drive home to the Bee Gee’s. It was a great day, I absolutely loved it. I’ll be your volunteer buddy anytime.

  2. 2 Joe June 13, 2006 at 8:06 pm

    I tried to use a clear umbrella as a parasol once. It wound up setting my hair on fire.

  3. 3 Okami June 13, 2006 at 10:05 pm

    Steve-o: Darling…didn’t you forget to do something prior to golf festivities?…Please don’t make me ask LMizzle to hunt you down in the street with her super-skilled golf cart moves…I know she’d love to.

    Joe: Hahaha – creepy.

  4. 4 PIE! June 14, 2006 at 3:28 am

    I had to cover two golf tournaments. One was also in the rain. And they didn’t have any extra golf carts for me to go around to take pics. SO, yup, I sure trekked it. And the next day, this 82 yrs old man got a hole in one and won $10,000. In his 60 yrs of playing he’s never gotten one or won anything like that.

    You’re writing about the mcgriddles really makes me crave it right about now.

  5. 5 Ultra Toast Mosha God June 14, 2006 at 8:53 am

    Those country club folk are like a pack of rabid, plaid-wearing timberwolves, hell bent on forcing their gaudy coloured randomness on normal god-fearing folk like yourself.

    Graffiti their carts.

    Pimp their rides.


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