It wasn’t me, it was the one-armed man

I’m not going to lie. I got paid to look at photos for 8 hours. One thousand photos. Needless to say I can’t really focus on anything after looking at my laptop screen for so long!

Work is pretty sweet. There’s always chips and coffee (not to be taken together!).

Check out my sexy new blog!!! The dream team of Sarah and me made this magical re-vamp happen! Woot!

Let’s see, what can I tell you to catch you up?

I spent most of last week with my best friend, Mike, who was in town for the week. It only takes a minute to realize how much you’ve missed someone! I do wish we were in the same city, but I think we’re both doin’ pretty good where we are, and that’s all I can ask for.

So with hot weather comes dudes with no shirts. What’s with dudes and taking off their shirts?! Why is it usually only the ugle people who want to get so naked when it’s warm out?! I saw three fat douchebags riding fancy bicycles down 17th ave today. Their fat was flopped carelessly over their pant-rims. Ah to be so carefree to let one’s fat catch a nice summer breeze! These are indeed the days we wait a lifetime for.

I went to Tim Horton’s after work for a bagel/coffee top up, and was handed my delicious quisine by a slimy man with only one arm. I’m not one to disgriminate against a hard working man with one arm, but this man looked like he had a bath in old doughnut shavings and then got into a wrestling match with a pig smothered in butter! He handed me my bagle with his stub. THE STUB! Then this toothless dude that enjoys taking my order and then forgetting it handed me my iced cappuccino. Thankfully there was no extra teeth in my iced cap. Only the usual amount of teeth were involed. This Tim Horton’s is like the island of misfit humans! Sick! Is it wrong to say that I feel better about the food I eat when average to above average people serve me? Am I a sick bastard?! I can tell you I wasn’t so hot on the bagel after slimy mc-no arm threw my bagel to me off his stub. Jealous???

I was watching a shitty tv show with shitty comics last night when one discussed that a life-sized statue of Britney Spears had been made by an artist to showcase that she was “the voice of pro-life” or some shit. WHAT THE HELL?! I’m not interested in seeing Britney in any art display, ESPECIALLY one where her son’s head is partially out of her cooter and she’s sprawled doggy-style over a bearskin rug! WHY??????

I don’t know if I’m sorry or not that I couldn’t find a vag shot of this…


In more intellectual news, I went to see The DaVinci Code this weekend.

I actually was pretty pissed when I was done the book (if you remember that long ago) becuase it had STRIKING similarities to another book, The Alchemist, that I had read about six months earlier. The movie I liked. It reminded me about some things that I really love about the arts. I love finding things out about paintings that I didn’t know. I like the little symbols and interpretations. I hope I can actually see The Mona Lisa one day in person.

Which got me to thinking…should I get back into art? Should I take some classes? I know I can’t at the moment, what with two jobs, but I’m seriously considering it after the summer. It was, after all, my first love in school…

What’s your favorite work of art? Mine has always been The Birth Of Venus. I’ve painted a rather small and crappy version of it myself. There’s just something about it I’ve always loved. The angels, Venus on a shell…the fact that she couldn’t be covered…it just moves me.

8 Responses to “It wasn’t me, it was the one-armed man”


  1. 1 Xrayeagle May 24, 2006 at 6:49 am

    Man, that looks nothing like a preggo Britney gettin bent over beside a fire. Totally unrealistic.

    My favorite painting is the one by L.A. Martin of me dunking on a T-Rex. I belive its called “Extinction: A B.Ball Drama”

  2. 2 Ultra Toast Mosha God May 24, 2006 at 8:32 am

    300% more awesome, you say?

    You better not be gippin’ me!

    All of this was funny. Especially when you combined the words ‘Britney’ and ‘Cooter’.

    Ha!

    My favourite work of art is probably the great ‘Dogs smoking pipes’ picture. That, or Damien Hurst’s ‘Shark in Formaldehyde’.

    Utterly pointless.

    Brilliant!

  3. 3 LMizzle May 24, 2006 at 3:27 pm

    Mike: Did I finally give you a copy of that drawing I did of you slam-dunking on a t-rex? I should draw that in Illustrator…

    Ultra: Damien Hurst is creepy! What the hell is with putting animals in formeldahyde?! So strange!!! I looked him up and found a 20 foot statue he did of the human anatomy…madness!

  4. 4 Blondie May 24, 2006 at 4:49 pm

    Ohhh yeah, we’re the dream team! Although, I’m dissapointed that your “comments” link doesn’t say “jackasses talking shit” or whatever it was that I originally proposed.

    I think my favourite painting is “Leaving in the Rain” by Steve Hanks. It’s not classic or even that well known, but I love it.

  5. 5 LMizzle May 24, 2006 at 9:49 pm

    Well, I didn’t think anyone would appreciate “jackasses talkin’ shit” because, who really wants to be called a jackass? I may change it to “tickets to Swearsville” or something though…

    As for you Mike, I want a real painting that you feel an affinity with, not just my magical drawing skills!

  6. 6 Okami May 24, 2006 at 11:17 pm

    Why is it that when I read the title to this posting, that I immediately pictured Jim Carrey doing a highly entertaining physical sketch about “it wasn’t me…it was the one-armed man!”

    Ha ha ha ~ everything about this is / was / will forever be…creepy.

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