Archive for March 19th, 2006

She’s Trying to Kill Me

Damnit, none of my damn funny images are uploading today. Ah well.

It’s been much too long since I’ve posted! I shall begin again with a bang.

I think my mom is trying to kill me. That’s right, there’s something rotten in Denmark, and it’s the food my mom is trying to pack for me!

I got up this morning to do some dishes (because if I do my dishes when my mother is up, she does this “WOW, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING…SOMEONE GRAB THE CAMERA!!!” Har har, that never made me WANT to do dishes, and….IT STILL DOESN’T!!!

Anyhow, she took it upon herself to pack some of my glasses up for me…a nice gesture it would seem.

BUT NO!

I looked into the box, just to take a peek, and sitting in the box were old bags of Starbucks coffee and chai that had expired in 2004! WHERE THE SHIT DID THESE EVEN COME FROM?! I kept digging and found a jar of almond butter (sort of like panut butter, only less interesting) that at one point I had thrown out…that my mother had resurrected from the trash, PUT BACK IN THE CUPBOARD and then proceeded to PACK IT WITH MY GLASSES! GROSS! Promptly, I threw everything out.

Then as luck would have it (as it always does), my mom came into the kitchen.

“Whoa lady, you packed a bunch of expired food into my box!”

“Well why is there expired food in the cupboard?”

(*here’s where I think but do not say, “Because you have so much useless crap in there, how would we even know??!”)

I continue by retorting, “You packed a jar of almond butter I had thrown in the garbage!”

“No I didn’t.”

oh for pete’s sake….

Anyhow, she proceeded to explain to her husband as I walked away that I had, for so many years, been keeping useless food in the cupboard taking up valuable space for other expired food products….

What the crap?!?!

It only takes a mom to make moving out stressful.

LESSON LEARNED: Try to keep pretty much everyone else from helping you pack. They will poison you.

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