Vancouver Day 4 (Shambone to Pull a Van Hailen)

This became the most infamous of days on the whole trip.

It started calmly enough. We woke up as early as we could (11am) so we could go watch Canada play against Russia in the Olympics at Mike’s brother’s house. Well, it wasn’t so much all of us waking up as me waking up and hassling everyone to get their asses out of bed because we all wanted to see the game.
After prodding and poking Mike and Steve got up. I felt kind of icky because this was day 2 with no shower. I couldn’t keep my daily shower schedule because Mike didn’t want to let the neighbours know (they all share a bathroom) that he had guests. We left for Peter’s house slick with that special smell that only Vancouver has…
Peter was kind enough to make us a delicious breakfast as we watched Canada get spanked by the Russians in the hockey game. This was pretty much the WORST game I’ve ever seen. CANADA MEN’S TEAM, YOU SHOULD BE FLOGGED.
Anyhoo, after watching Peter smoke a joint and no one noticing he was driving, we were off to the aquarium!
First stop was a show featuring the large and in charge sea lion.

HUGE. Sea lions make this really sick noise that’s really just a call, but it sounds more like a butt that’s sick with the shits. I don’t know what the hell they’re saying, but anything that sounds like a turd can’t be good news…
Since there was a fantastical crowd of tourists, we decided to go check out the kitties of the sea: otters!

Man I fucking love otters. They just kept swimmin’ around, doing this underwater ballet that mesmerized all four of us for over an hour.

Swin little dudes, swim!

And if this isn’t the cutest picture EVER, you’re pretty much dead inside…

Anyhow, we watched with delight as the two otters began to wrestle and playfight. Suddenly, the otters developed the most extreme style of partially underwater wrestling any of us had seen. One would literally put the other in a choke hold and do a barrel roll at lightning speed! This lasted for at least 30 seconds at a time…we were a little worried about the losing otter.

“Man, that one otter is really beating the shit out of the other one!”

This actually became quite exciting to watch…until…

“Hey…what’s that pink thing?”


Apparently it is the sexy way of the otter to grab your lady from behind, put her in a choke hold, spin her over and over (half under water) until she’s too dizzy to fight back, and pound ‘dat ass until she can’t take no more! The best part was watching the people who were standing above the water line figure out that the otters were having sweet and heavy sex.

NOW SHOWING: The Vancouver Aquarium


Binky, the grumpiest fish in the sea…

Slick: He fights with fins of steel…

Puff and Duff Starfish as “The Fat Ones”

and Mike as “The dude in the best photo I took!”

Seriously though, I felt like a freakin’ mermaid these tanks were so huge!

These fish were totally huge and gross…

You might be asking yourself, “what the hell is a monkey doing at the aquarium?” and frankly, so am I.

One of my fave quotes from Mike’s brother (while still high): “Take a picture of this turtle! It’s smiling at me! Take a picture of it’s smile so I can draw it later!!!” (note that Peter is doing this while grabbing my arm and pushing me into the glass where the turtle is)

Nobody said you could have TOO MUCH FUN!!!

Did you know that pirahnas stay perfectly still in the water? It’s like they’re just waiting to de-flesh you!

Anyhow, I have to keep entering a password if I want to keep posting pictures, and hell, I’ve been sitting here for 45 min, so I’ll add more later!

Keep checking though, next up in the evening shenannigans, cooking our own japanese dinner, nine pitchers of beer, and Steve barfing on himself!

But just to give you a sweet taste of the insanity…

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12 Responses to “Vancouver Day 4 (Shambone to Pull a Van Hailen)”

  1. 1 Ultra Toast Mosha God March 3, 2006 at 10:20 am

    Man, you really have pushed it to the limit.

    Being stoned and going to the aquarium sounds like a great idea.

    Mike appears to have become ‘The Gilled Shadowman’, who is my favourite made up superhero.

    I went to the Imax theatre in a similar state of mind a few years back. They were showing blue planet. Images of the Earth from space on a 40ft screen made me feel like I was actually floating out there.



  2. 2 Joe March 3, 2006 at 2:46 pm

    Cool pics and otter porn. Why can’t every morning start like this?

  3. 3 LMizzle March 3, 2006 at 3:59 pm

    Better floaters than sinkers!!!

    I know Joe, I wish every day was filled with getting high and going to an aquarium to watch animals make it.

  4. 4 Okami March 3, 2006 at 4:53 pm

    Well, we have always said that Steve-O was the Captian of his Boat…or was that a different conversation about being the Master of his Vessel?

    As for “abooze” – ing the drunk guys – I’m surprised that Mike and Steve didn’t fall over with the running tackle embrace…

  5. 5 LMizzle March 3, 2006 at 8:55 pm

    I liked that they were comfortable enough to embrace…

    it was a touching moment…until Steve put Mike in a headlock and spun him around…

  6. 6 Okami March 3, 2006 at 10:23 pm

    It’s nice that they are comfortable enough in their own masculinity to embrace – or be too drunk to know any differently.

    Still doesn’t justify running headlong into traffic though.

  7. 7 Jess March 3, 2006 at 10:39 pm

    ohh OHH when writing about the nighttime shennanigans dont forget steve on the walk home ….
    “ooohh look a pet stroller! if i had a pet stroller. . . I’d put mike in it!! and walk all over town!”

  8. 8 Okami March 3, 2006 at 11:09 pm

    Now there is a visual I was not prepared for.

    And I still think that Mike walked into that tree…

  9. 9 Xrayeagle March 4, 2006 at 2:48 am

    Who’s putting me in a pet stoller?! Guh?!

    I ran into traffic to show that when drunk I am invincible, I think I proved my case.

    And it’s always important not to abooze the drunk guy!

  10. 10 LMizzle March 4, 2006 at 3:36 am

    Steve said that we should put you in the pet stroller because it would be funny! Geez, you don’t remember anything when you’re sober, you don’t remember anything drunk. What am I going to do with you?!

  11. 11 Blondie March 5, 2006 at 7:32 pm

    OMG HOW did I miss these otter pictures the first time around?! I love it!

  12. 12 Jess March 6, 2006 at 3:52 am

    Hahah NO he totally did!! maybe he said it to me after. but I swear it happened right before Mike and I debated what was the best condiment for salted pretzels for a good 15 minutes.

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March 2006
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