Archive for December 21st, 2005

Are You Ready to SOFT RAWK?!

Because I sure was today at work. Today the annual “pizza party” occured. This is the time of year when all the money made from all of us collectively drinking a shitload of Ginger Ale (because, we happen to have easy access to ginger ale) goes to pay for a pizza party. As I sat down to work, a feast of cheese, crackers, meat, cupcakes, cookies, chips, and every snack under the sun was put upon my workspace. I squealed with delight as I ate all the cheese. I freaking love cheese.
The pizza was brought later in the afternoon and my boss graciously ordered me a veggie pizza, of which I only saw 2 slices (out of maybe 7 pizzas strewn with various sprinkles of meat). I sat down to enjoy my pizza when I notice that I am the only person under 35 at this party. I work with a handful of men who are 35-50, and then another handful who are over 60. Two women (one of which I have never seen) came to enjoy some pizza delight. They were also over 35. I just stayed at my desk to avoid giving any of the senior citizens (those 60+ dudes) a heart attack with my sweet dance moves.
One guy (who I had always assumed to be a homosexual) came over after the party and said, “Hey beautiful, may I sit next to you?”
Awwww. It was sweet until I realized that he needed the computer and was just flattering me enough to be able to check his email.

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Carnation Instant Bitch for Breakfast

I just got home from meeting my good pal Dusan for coffee. As I was waiting earlier in the evening, I sat down at a table next to two girls about my age. I opened my book and began reading. No sooner was I delighted by my book did I catch a few, faint words out of their conversation.

“Blah blah blah, Steve, blah blah, HMV Chinook, blah blah, so weird!”

No way could they possibly be ranting about MY Steve?!

“Blah blah, yeah he was ENGAGED and I talked to him in November, and then he wasn’t, blah blah.”

HOLY. CRAP.

I was now eavesdropping on a conversation between two girls talking about what a dick MY boyfriend was. Who are these girls? WTF?

I wanted so badly to turn around and introduce myself as Steve’s girlfriend, and former fiance, but I am not really one to make a scene, so I let them talk on. They eventually got up and left. One of the girls stupidly complained about Steve calling her by her full name: CHRYSTAL GREEN. AHA! I have your name.

So what did I do with this valuable tidbit of information?

I took out a 3 week ad in FFWD (a local newspaper) for free:

To Chrystal Green of MRC: I’d watch your mouth when speaking ill of Steve from Chinook HMV and his relationship with his fiance/girlfriend. She was sitting right behind you in Starbucks and heard the whole thing.

I’m not one to make threats, but I am one to make people feel like stupid douchebags when they act like it. Anyone in my hometown, check your FFWD’s next week!


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