Mystery Magnetism

It began as any normal day does: not wanting to get up at the ring of the morning alarm. I rose early to assist my boyfriend in tackling his mother’s Christmas tree assembly. Somehow this household had avoided spackling their house with decorations until today. I arrived to a frustrated and grinchy Steve. His aunt had packed the tree wrong and one of the branches had snapped clear off the tree. We applied garland and lights with approximately 50% enthusiasm to the festive sounds of Cold Case (a real-life murder show) as it spoke of holiday delights such as being stabbed over 50 times by a family friend.
I braved the mall again in an attempt to stake-out some pre-Boxing Day delights. As soon as I enter the mall I am glared at because I have somehow set off the alarm in a bookstore simply by entering. I really ought to have said something clever to the crowd of people looking my way like, “My boyfriend was a real steal!” but alas I was more embarassed that I couldn’t find the source of my alarm-enducing attire. I walk through the exit of the bookstore to enter the mall, again causing a mass salute of alarms to blare at my exit. I stop and discuss with a security guard about what I could be wearing that would trigger alarms.
“Sometimes it’s your cell phone. Do you haev one?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“That’s probably what it is.”

So I head to HMV to let Steve get to work and to figure out the source of my troubles. He takes my jacket off and rubs it over the security sensor to remove any magnetic field from my beloved winter coat.

“That ought to do it. It could be your pants. Sit on the counter.”
“Sit on the counter. It might be your pants.”
“No way, I’m gonna look like a jackass!”
“Okay, have it your way.”

I eventually saunter out still trying to Sherlock my way to a solution. I wander the mall in a panic, figuring I will set of sensors wherever I go. I make it through a few stores without a problem. I get to The Gap and BLING BLING, I have somehow become magnetic again. I discuss with the sales clerk that my coat is from the Gap and that there might be a sensor still in the jacket. I take it off for him to examine.

“Hm…no sensor. It could be your cell phone.”

I leave, but not without warning a sales clerk that I am going to set off the sensor due to my mystery magnetism.

I purchase a sweet purse and leave the mall through an alternate exit so as not to gain more glares. I decide I will try another mall to look for potential Boxing Day deals. As I arrive at the next mall I decide to switch purses and leave my cell phone in the car. Thinking my problems were clearly over I happily wander the mall. No sooner do I believe my problems are over, I set off a sensor in Shoppers Drug Mart. FANTASTIC. I am still wearing something that mall sensors despise. I decide I must give up and exit the mall before I have to explain with a blush to anyone else that I am, in fact, NOT stealing, I am simply trying to purchase a hair brush.

I still don’t know what’s setting off the sensors! This is indeed a Scooby Doo mystery!


6 Responses to “Mystery Magnetism”

  1. 1 Blondie December 20, 2005 at 3:18 am

    Well thanks for your scooby doo mystery, b/c i went directly to my jacket and cut off the sewn-in sensor. I guess Old Navy and Gap do that now. PHEW! I’d hate to walk out of Gap and be blinging the sensors you style.

  2. 2 rad steveness December 20, 2005 at 6:34 am

    guess what?
    It was her pants!

  3. 3 Ultra Toast Mosha God December 20, 2005 at 9:32 am

    Were the pants made out of security tags?

  4. 4 Lorkeet December 20, 2005 at 5:42 pm

    One of my many pet peeves in life are those GD alarms! They are so unreliable and how often do you see someone set one off and the store staff just stand there and blink at the so-called perp? I say next time that happens, hug your bags close to you, look around quickly and run off. I bet no one chases you and it will give the witnesses a good story to tell at their dinner table.
    Once I was at Shopper’s and it went off and then I went off on the manager. Those false alarms are a lawsuit waiting to happen. They’re like a form of slander! Instead of a person calling you a thief, the alarm bells do.
    The Bay is really bad for it too.
    On another note, what the hell are you doing purposely going to malls right now? Your meds must really be working!

  5. 5 Joe December 20, 2005 at 6:19 pm

    See? This is why you should always trust Steve. A moment of looking foolish in HMV would have saved you hours of explaining.

    Of course, I’m still not going to sit up on a NYC counter just cause some guy asked me to…

  6. 6 PIE! December 22, 2005 at 2:28 am

    Everytime the alarm goes off at the Gap, I go to the manager, and apparently we can’t really do anything.



    Speaking of stealing, I saw a girl with her pants folded up and at the ends of one of her pant legs was that dye tag that’s supposed to be taken off when purchasing an item. Would you proudly wear that, proclaiming yourself a thief?

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December 2005
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25262728293031 collective fashion consciousness.



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